Paula Span addresses "The Promise" in today's post on the New Old Age Blog from the New York Times (http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/06/10/assisted-living-or-a-nursing-home/#). This promise refers to a child agreeing to never move his or her parent to a nursing home. The vast majority of the population wants to remain at home as they age. In many cases this is possible, but in other situations family caregivers are desperately trying to keep an elderly loved one at home in very challenging circumstances. Have you made "The Promise"? What are your thoughts on nursing homes?

I can't say that I ever actually made a promise to my mother, although I've always known that she did not want to be "put in a home." I've also always known that I would be the one to care for her, and I told her that I would never abandon her. With that said, I never realized that the end of her life would be like this. Basically, she has dementia. In addition, she's been having small strokes. She would be bedridden, if we didn't get her up every day.

Because she got so sick so fast, she was in a SNF for rehalibilitation. Then, she went to a board and care because I knew that caring for her at that point was beyond my skill level. To make a long story short, after being at the B&C and seeing what they did (and did not do), I realized that with the right equipment and a little help, I could care for her at home better and for less than what it cost there.

She's been in her home for almost a year now. I believe it's a blessing for both of us. I can't say she's happy. Who would be happy in this type of situation? However, I believe she's content. She's extremely well taken care of by both professional caregivers and hospice workers. (I can't say enough about how wonderful they are!) And I live with her, so that she is never alone.

I don't work outside the home, and I have no real social life. Though, I wouldn't trade this time for anything. I am giving her all that I have while she is alive; the rest of my life can be about me. I won't have any regrets. Helping someone die is not easy, but it can be a really beautiful thing. It's my opinion that you have to be willing to let all of the other stuff go (past issues and disagreements) and just focus on loving that person until the end. I did and I will. It can be hard, and it's also worth it!