Excerpted from Harry Margolis (of elderlawanswers.com) post, "Take Me Out and Shoot Me"--Protecting Your Family with Advance Planning

One of my clients, who I will call Marilyn, was not unusual in her fear that she might become disabled one day. Her attitude, which she expressed to her three children, was that if she ever needed nursing home care her family should "take me out to the backyard and shoot me." Not able to contemplate a middle course, she did no advance planning for the possibility that she would need care in the future. Her failure to think ahead proved fateful for her family and points to the necessity of thoughtful planning...

All too often, misunderstandings occur due to family members having different and incomplete information. Frequently, some family members feel overburdened, afraid to ask for help, or don't know what they can expect from siblings and other relatives. Families often can avoid these results by taking the following steps:

* Meet while everyone is healthy to plan ahead and get proper estate and financial planning in place.
* If a crisis occurs, meet to share information and expectations and to divvy up responsibilities.
* Prior to the meeting, everyone should compile a list of what they want to learn and what issues they would like to cover.
* Prepare an agenda in advance.
* Meet in-person if possible. If not, use conference calling or video solutions.
* Use a facilitator, usually a geriatric care manager or an elder law attorney, although it's possible that family friends or clergy can serve this role.
* Write down and share any decisions that come from the meeting.
* Hold as many meetings as necessary.

You can read the full story of "Marilyn's" family and the difficulties they faced due to a lack of planning here - http://bit.ly/dlZA16