Before becoming a mother I was carefree. My idea of a fun Saturday night was having date night with my husband and going out with friends for drinks. We’d stay out as late as we wanted, drink as much as we wanted and go where we wanted. We’d go on weekend getaways without any responsibilities keeping us home. I only really had myself to worry about. I slept in whenever I got the chance. I identified myself through my education and my job. I was a drama queen and let things easily bother me and bring me down. I strongly valued others opinions of me.
But when I became a mother all of this changed. I changed.
I lost my sense of who I was. I’m no longer carefree and never take weekend trips on a whim. Now, I’m responsible for the wellbeing of another human being who depends on me and my husband to survive. My family is my everything. My daughter is my constant concern. I constantly worry if I’m doing things right. My role from professional has changed to stay-at-home-mom and it’s the hardest, most rewarding job I’ve ever had. I wake up early. I could care less about the petty things or how people think of me. I haven’t had my hair highlighted in 6 months. I can’t remember the last time I bought a pair of designer jeans. My Saturday nights now include a glass of wine, a baby monitor and my couch with my husband.
And you know what? I love my life more than I ever did before.
For the first time in my life I am content. Seeing the joy on my daughter’s face is a thousand times more fulfilling than being a college advisor ever was. A quiet Saturday night spent in with my husband is more fun than throwing back shots and waking up with a hangover.
Being a mother caused me to lose myself. But it also allowed me to find a new person that I am happier and more content with.
I now spend my days covered in slobber, snot, spit-up and other bodily fluids. I’m a pro at completing a quick diaper change and securing the ninja move. I spend my mornings taking my daughter to story time at the local library and music class. I can’t rap off any popular song lyrics anymore but I know all of the words in all of the songs from music class. The only “me” time I ever get is during child care hour at my gym. I haven’t peed or showered alone in weeks. I’ve learned to perfect the mom-hustle while Madison naps. I complete more work in a day than I ever thought possible. The most amazing sound in the world is my daughter’s infectious laugh. Even though I often have a pile of laundry or other chores to do, playing peek-a-boo or reading Pout Pout Fish for the fifteenth time in a day always wins. The simple things in life are so much sweeter.
I’ve learned to let things go. Becoming a mother to my sweet Madison showed me what was truly important in this world. Hearing that someone feels ill will towards me no longer occupies my mind. Of course I’d rather have people like me, but I like me and am content with my surroundings. I’m not going to allow negative comments or gossip affect my life the way I did before. It’s like I’ve been able to allow baby games and homemade playdough recipes fill up the spot in my brain that drama occupied before.
Becoming a mother changes who you are. It changes you in so many more ways than can even be described. You constantly have to search your soul for strength and learn more about yourself in the process. Maybe you weren’t who you thought you were before children. Maybe children changed you.
I lost who I was before I became a mother, but I found a better version of myself who I’m proud of.
**Brittany is a blogger at https://www.anchoredmommy.com.
