I spend a lot of time on the Internet and on social media — both for work and for fun.
As a writer, it’s wonderful to have instant access to the people my stories reach. It’s amazing to me that I’m able to connect with complete strangers, to bond over shared experiences and to have thoughtful conversations about topics that I care about. Their feedback and comments often validate what I share and encourage me to keep it up.
But the downside to having this kind of access is that it also opens me up to the kind of comments from strangers that don’t feel quite as good to read — whether they’re about myself or my work.
Luckily, I was born with thick skin and — for the most part — have been able to let the angry comments slide off my back. Sometimes, I’m even able to laugh at the more ridiculous ones obviously aimed to hurt.
Unfortunately, though, there have been times when these mean comments escalated into something way beyond crankiness — and way beyond something I can just laugh off. I’ve already had a few experiences with people taking their online trolldom to the next level — they’ve sent me hate mail, trash-talked me online and made far more personal attacks than your average cyber tongue-lashing.
I still don’t quite understand why people do these things, but it’s a reality that I’m all too familiar with by this point…and one that I’ve worked hard to safeguard my family from, too.
But as much as I try, I can’t ignore the fact that, one day, my kids will have to face these kinds of nasty online trolls, too.
The thing is, I’m a tech-savvy adult who’s quite practiced in negotiating the murky waters of the web and social media. But my kids are not. Not only that, but they’re also likely to start dipping their toes in before they’re truly ready.
I wanted to warn them about the darker side of the Internet — and, more generally, the darker side of human beings. I wanted to open up that world to them, so that they’d be prepared and could protect themselves. But I also knew that I couldn’t just make them read a bunch of books and articles I’d found about the dangers of cyberbulling — that’d never stick with them.
If I wanted these lessons to stick, I’d have to get creative about it. So, I decided to open up to them about my own personal experiences with bullying — even the really, really scary ones.
My Two Life-Threatening Bullying Stories
I’ve had two experiences in which my life was threatened by another human being.
The first incident was in high school, when a girl — whom I barely knew — tried to slash my face with a razor. Apparently, I’d done something to offend her (although, to this day, I still have no idea what that “something” was) — and what I’d done was so bad that she felt the need to “teach me a lesson.” Thankfully, I was able to get away, but I never forgot the fact that someone wanted to cause me serious physical harm for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
The second incident was when I was in my twenties and had a bona fide stalker.
I’d crossed paths with this man once, but we reacted completely differently to that one-time interaction: I was polite, but quickly moved on, whereas he decided that he needed to know everything about me. (And spent some time watching me, too.) I didn’t know who he was, but he knew a great deal about me: he knew what I looked like, what my home address was and even how I took my pizza. He seemed to believe that we had a relationship of sorts, although I never gave his feelings any kind of encouragement or validation. At one point, his perceived “connection” with me became so intense that he almost got his hands on me — but, thankfully, the police intervened just in time.
How My Experiences Are Keeping My Kids Safe
Obviously, these two incidents never left me — and probably never will.
In fact, as I grew my social media presence, they became my barometers for determining whether I was sharing too much of my personal information online. Thanks to these experiences, I understood the very real risks that can come with sharing your opinions — and even your personal life — with strangers.
And even though my experiences only happened to me, I knew that they could help me keep my kids safe, too.
My kids might know the ache of being bullied but, by and large, they assume the best of people. They’re a bit too trusting of the world that awaits them on the other end of a Tweet or a Facebook comment. So, I’ve started turning them into cautionary tales and anecdotes that my kids could learn from.
I work my stories into our conversations as related topics came up. I talk broadly about what can happen if someone discovers your home address, or explain to them how a simple misunderstanding can result in bullying. I share snippets of actual mean comments or even hate mail that people have sent me, just to show them that, no matter how benign your opinions are, they can cause unexpected — and sometimes unwelcome — emotional reactions in others.
To their credit, they know not to talk to strangers in person. They know that danger is out there. But, by sharing my own personal experiences, I’m ensuring that they also understand that the dangers that can come from interacting with people on the Internet, too.
I want them to know that some people take it far beyond a few cruel words in a Facebook comment. I want them to know how to spot when it goes too far. And I want them to know what to do if they see it happening — whether it’s to themselves or to others.
Repeatedly seeing strangers say that I’m the worst mom ever (et cetera, et cetera) has helped them understand that sometimes people say things just to say them — to hurt just to hurt. I wanted them to see that if someone they think is the cat’s meow is having things said about them that they 100 percent believe are untrue, when the day comes they go online and are the ones having mean comments thrown their way, they’ll be less inclined to believe the bad things people say.
This is an ongoing conversation, and one that allows me to share my scarier experiences to help them understand it’s not all fun and games out there.
The key takeaway I want them to have is this: the Internet can be a wonderful place, but not everyone will have the same kind hearts and good intentions that they do.
Kim Bongiorno is the freelance writer and author behind Let Me Start by Saying . She adores her charmingly loud family, who she pretends to listen to while playing on Facebook and Twitter . If she were less tired, she’d add something super clever to her bio so you’d never forget this moment.
