Toddlers have big feelings, limited ways to communicate them and are full of unpredictable and inexhaustible energy, at times. And sometimes that energy turns into two flailing fists. You hear yourself saying over and over again, ”no hitting” when they hit you or someone else. But what about when they hit themselves?
Between 1-3 years old, toddlers may start hitting themselves, says Jean Moorjani, a pediatrician at the Orlando Health Arnold Palmer Hospital for Children in Florida. She says parents or caregivers may notice the child performing more rhythmic and repetitive movements such as head banging or striking their chest.
Why do toddlers hit themselves?
Experts discuss several reasons toddlers may engage in self-hitting, which can be a typical part of their developmental stage.
Self-soothing
Moorjani says toddlers may hit themselves rhythmically to calm down. “This type of behavior can be considered normal for this age range,” she says. “Self-hitting does not necessarily mean that [the] toddler has another underlying disorder,” she adds.
Emotional overload
Amy Baez, a pediatric occupational therapist in Miami says self-hitting can also be a way for toddlers to express feelings of overwhelm. “They have yet to develop emotional regulation skills or the verbal skills to express what they are feeling,” she says.
“An older child or adult may be able to express frustration verbally,” adds Moorjani, “but most toddlers may not be able to accurately verbally express their frustration or stress, so they express themselves in a physical manner, such as hitting themselves on the head.”
Self-stimulation
Baez says some children need more intensity to feel sensations. She says, “Some children also seek more intense sensory experiences or may appear to be less sensitive to pain.” She adds the same child may exhibit other characteristics like banging objects or stomping.
What to do (or not do) if a toddler is hitting themselves
Regardless of why a toddler is self-hitting, it may become too intense, happen too often or cause concern for caregivers. Here, the experts we spoke to provide ways parents and caregivers can navigate this stage.
Do: Help them understand their body and keep them safe
If a toddler hits themselves in anger because a peer took their toy, Baez says you could say: “How did you feel when he took your toy? I noticed your face looked red. Did you feel warm? Did your muscles get tight? When you feel [your body] change, you can stop and breathe to cool down. Being gentle with our bodies can help us feel better.”
That same caregiver might also say, “We can only play with toys again when our bodies are calm and safe,” adds Baez. In this way, you are reinforcing the benefits of self-control while simultaneously prioritizing safety.
Do: Model a better way
Baez says, depending on the communication level of the child, the best thing caregivers can do is guide their child through social and emotional learning. Caregivers and parents can also model how to handle stress and help the child talk about how bodies may change based on different emotions.
Do: Utilize kid-friendly tools
Baez also says caregivers can turn to play-based interventions. She says, “I use an expandable sphere toy as a tool to demonstrate expansive breathing. Another simple tool [is a stress ball] that can be squeezed, which can provide the intense sensation kids may be seeking.”
Do: Practice emotional regulation
Baez says providing children with strategies for working through their feelings can help reduce self-hitting. She also points to programs like Zones of Regulation, developed by an occupational therapist, that can give children some simple ways to identify when they may be feeling out of control.
She also suggests reading books like Listening to My Body by Gabi Garcia, which guides toddlers through naming their emotions. It also provides kid-friendly breathing techniques for kids to turn to when they need to calm down.
“Toddlers may not be able to accurately verbally express their frustration or stress, so they express themselves in a physical manner, such as hitting themselves on the head.”
— Jean Moorjani, pediatrician
Don’t: Punish them
The experts agree that caregivers should show empathy for the toddler and refrain from punishing them for hitting themselves. It’s important to “model appropriate reactions to anger, including not using spanking as a form of punishment,” says Baez.
Don’t: Try to stop it
“After ensuring safety, [caregivers] should not intervene during an episode of head hitting,” says Moorjani. She recommends caregivers or parents work to help the toddler manage what is bothering them emotionally after the episode is finished.
When to seek professional advice
Even though self-hitting is a very common behavior in toddlers, Moorjani says if caregivers notice any other signs of delayed development, such as no words spoken before 2 years old, they should reach out to their pediatrician and let them know their concerns.
Baez adds that you should seek help from a mental health professional or occupational therapist when self-hitting leads to injuries, poor transitions between activities, is repetitive throughout the day or the automatic response for regulating emotions.
Moorjani warns that caregivers should especially pay attention to consistent head hitting, since she says there is a small chance head hitting can signal other medical conditions.
She says, “Head banging can also be a sign of more significant concerns, including impaired cognition or social skills. It’s more common among children with a more serious medical diagnosis like autism, especially if the behavior is more repetitive.”
A final word on self-hitting at the toddler stage
Self-hitting is a common behavior for a child attempting to express intensifying emotions and growing self-awareness. Moorjani says caregivers and parents can be reassured that most children stop hitting themselves by 2 or 3 years old, as they develop new and better ways to express their emotions.
If a toddler starts to hit themselves, using the strategies and resources highlighted by experts can help. However, if the behavior persists or worsens, or you’re concerned there may be other underlying issues, seeking out professional guidance is always a good idea.
