What's the Funniest Thing a Kid Has Said to You?

As you know, kids say the darndest things! Talking to kids can be a lot of fun, and sometimes you just can’t help but laugh or scratch your head at what they come up with.

On Care.com’s Facebook Page, we asked our members “What is the funniest thing a kid has ever said to you?” and got some laugh-out-loud responses.

Here are some of our favorites:

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Kid: I want to live in the mouth of a pelican.
~ Ashlee C.
Kid: What year were you born in?
Me: 1993.
Kid: Oh my god, you were born in the nineteen hundreds?!
~ Marlena M.
Me: I made you in my tummy.
4-year-old: No you didn’t.
Me: Oh yeah? Where do you think you came from?
4-year-old: Chinatown.
~ Jessica G.
I was eating dinner with my 3-year-old at a restaurant. He started yelling, “Fock, fock!”
I turned around to see a huge clock on the wall behind our table.
~ Linda V.
We were having a conversation about gnomes from the movie “Gnomeo and Juliet.”
Me: Will you grow a beard when you get old? (jokingly)
5-year-old girl: No, probably just a mustache.
~ Halah S.
Me: Did you know that she has a baby in her belly? (referring to a pregnant co-worker)
Kid: (horrified) You ate your baby?!
~ Mandie G.
I was nannying, and one little girl ran in and said, “Look Sam, I found dicks!” while holding disks…we practiced how to pronounce it correctly.
~ Samantha P.
5-year-old: Our new babysitter took us to get ice cream and it was this big (gesturing with his hands the size of the cone).
Me: From where?
5-year-old: From the bottom of the cone to the top.
~ Beth D.
I was watching a show that featured cats with their kittens. My 7-year-old came up to me and said, “You shouldn’t be watching this when you’re allergic to cats!”
~ Allison N.
Kid: Have you ever been to Chuck E. Cheese’s?
Me: Yeah, when I was little I went.
Kid: It’s been around that long? I didn’t know it was around in the 1940’s…
(I’m only 22!)
~ Desiree B.
5-year-old: How much does my mom pay you to take care of me and my brother?
Me: Why do you ask?
5-year-old: I just want to know if my mom has a lot of money, because I asked her to buy my favorite toy and she said she don’t have money.
~ Marie
My oldest son was sleeping in our room one night and the power went out. He awoke saying “Mommy, Mommy, I’m blind!”
~ Sandy C.
Me: What princess are you like?
2-year-old: Spongebob.
4-year-old: Spongebob isn’t a princess, sissy.
~ Lindsey R.
My son got a check in a birthday card when he was 6, he said “A check? What am I going to do with a check?!”
~ Kimberly C.
I’m Latina and say the word ‘papito’ which is like saying honey or sweetie. One day I was babysitting a little boy and called him ‘papito,’ and he looked at me and said, “I’m not your puppy.”
~ Adryanna R.
3-year-old: I’m a princess and you’re a princess ’cause we both have dresses.
Me: It’s nice to have pretty dresses, but aren’t we princesses because we are kind and nice and good? Isn’t that more important?
3-year-old: I’m good! But I also have a pretty dress, and tiara, and necklaces and comfy shoes…
~ Anastasia B.
Me: How do you play baseball?
2-year-old: First you gotta kick the ball, then ya hang it to the man.
~ Amy B.
3-year-old: Mommy, I have 11 dollars!
Me: Where did you get 11 dollars from?
3-year-old: (proudly holding up two $1 bills) Daddy!
~ Marie O.
I was nannying for a little boy and one day he was calling for Jack the cat. He said to me, “Where is Jack?”
I said, “Well I’m sure he is hiding from you!”
He said, “Oh, okay!” and put his face to the wall and started counting.
I was laughing in tears, saying, “No, he is not playing hide and seek!”
~ Lori R.
3-year-old: Ms. Jennifer, did you know that Dora the Explorer used to be a unicorn?
~ Jennifer B.
Kid: What’s your sign?
Me: I’m a Pisces. Do you know your sign?
Kid: I’m a Libra, Mommy is Cancer and Daddy is a Mormon.
~ Eva L.
[While role playing for a school project.]
Kid: I want to be the prostitute. (meaning prosecutor in the courtroom!)
~ Linda O.
My 2-year-old niece said, “Quick, there are ogres in the fridge!” It was, in reality, yogurt and was very exciting to her.
~ Debra B.
I wear a lot of pink lipstick. One day I went without the lipstick and my 6-year-old asked me, “What happened to your pink lips? I thought they were naturally pink, Mom!”
~ Tasha L.
6-year-old: I’m married to the Star Wars. Did you know that?
He then proceeded to ask me if I wanted to “see something awesome.” His 2-year-old sister, feeling very left out, asked me (very excitedly), “Wanna see something awesome?! My belly button!”
~ Meghan M.
We were at the hospital and my 2-year-old blurted in front of the nurses, pointing at my belly, “Mama got a big belly, oh my God!”
~ Aileen C.
After two years with a family, I got engaged, and the 6-year-old son I cared for said, “Abby, I hear you are going to marry your father!” I corrected him and asked him not to tell anyone I was getting married, for fear of who he would tell people I was marrying!
~ Abby S.
Kid: I don’t think the internet reaches heaven, Grandma.
~ Donna R.
4-year-old: Mommy, what are you doing?
Me: I’m shaving my legs.
4-year-old: How come you have fur down there? Can I please pet it?!
~ Rachel O.
The little boy I watch, who had just turned 2, came running to me and said, “Judy, I can pee standing up!”
~ Judy C.
A 3-year-old child ran into my husband’s leg. As he looked slowly from his feet up to his head, he asked, “Are you God?”
~ Ellen H.
Kid: Sarah, why is your hair that color?
Me: Why? You don’t like the color of blonde?
Kid: No, I don’t like it. I just wish you had black hair.
~ Sarah R.
4-year-old: Wanna know a secret? [to his hairdresser]
Hairdresser: Sure.
4-year-old: My daddy has a hairy butt!
He said it right in front of his mom and dad!
~ Lisa K.
I put a 5-year-old in time out and after, he told me I was not allowed to come back.
~ Jessica B.
Kid: I am not talking back to you, I am face talking to you.
~ Rhonda B.
Kid: Miss Cindy, when you sing you give me a headache. Your singing always gives me a headache!
~ Cindy L.
My 11-month-old dropped her pacifier and said, “Oh sh!t.”
~ Catherine T.
“I coughed and spilled.” — words from my 2-year-old daughter, late one night. It took us a few minutes to realize she had been sick to her stomach for the first time in her life, and this is how her 2-year-old mind explained what had happened.
~ Tom P.
5-year-old: Oh my gosh, there’s dirt in my undies!
~ Lorelai O.
Kid: Don’t cut out my bones! [while cutting fingernails]
~ Linda O.
Kid: Ms. Kayla, you’re so pretty and my daddy told me that I’m supposed to marry a nice pretty lady when I’m grown up. Will you marry me?
~ Kayla K.
4-year-old: Mom, you should put on a pretty night gown and dance for my Daddy.
~ Rachel F.
My son told me in a whisper, “Someday I am going to marry Sister Peggy” (a nun and principal at his school).
~ Corazon C.
Me: Let’s try and go potty.
Little Girl: “Okay.” She sat for a minute and said, “Nothing is coming. I talked to my Virginia and it said it was not ready to come out yet and to try back later!”
~ Dana G.
We were in the middle of a Christmas dinner with friends who happen to be extremely religious. While they were in the middle of prayer, my daughter then dropped her fork and screamed, “Damn itttt!”
~ Kayla M.
My mom threatened to spank me after yet another bed wetting incident when I was in kindergarten. I threatened her back with the comment, “you’ll get your hand all wet!”
She was laughing so hard.
~ Christy R.