Twice the kids may be twice as fun, but does it also mean double the work? Not necessarily! But all twins are separate individuals with different needs and personalities. Fraternal twins (non-identical) sometimes seem so different from each other that it’s hard to believe they’re siblings let alone twins. Here’s what you can expect at each stage of raising fraternal twins, and tips for managing them from moms who’ve been there.
Newborns
It can be crazy and stressful when you have twin infants, so forget the “Supermom” image. “You shouldn’t expect to do it all,” shares Natalie Diaz, the author of “What to Do When You’re Having Two” and the founder of Twiniversity. “I don’t care what you see on Pinterest, nobody’s perfect.” All new parents learn as they go, so don’t hold yourself to too high a standard.
One of the biggest challenges with newborn twins is schedules. Keeping the kids on the same schedule makes sense, but it’s not always simple to get them to sleep and eat at the same time. You can’t force a schedule, but you can encourage the babies to feed and sleep at the same time by going through the same routine with them at the same time.
Trina Alexander, the co-founder of Candied Chaos and a mom of four, including fraternal twins, says that you’ll need the help of everyone to get the kids on the same schedule. “Breastfeeding is much more challenging with two babies, and getting them on the same schedule can seem impossible at first.”
If your twins are reluctant to feed at the same time, she suggests letting hubby, grandparents or siblings feed, change or play with one twin while you care for the other.
Your Growing Babies
You might have two babies, but you don’t need two of everything else. Alexander says, “Rotate stuff to keep them busy. We have one exersaucer, one jumper, one play cube, one swing and one playmat. Too much stuff is so overwhelming. Donate or sell things they no longer use before they take over your home.”
What’s true for toys is also true for other baby items. “We placed the boys in side-by-side infant seats and spoon fed them with one spoon and bowl first one mouth, then the other,” says Jennie Howell, a middle school teacher and mom of adult fraternal twin sons.
As your babies grow, their personalities will emerge. One baby may be very active while her twin is quieter. “At about nine months, you’ll see preferences,” Diaz says. One baby may prefer being fed by Dad instead of Mom, and you’ll learn to embrace the differences. Alexander shares, “As you get to know their personalities, you’ll instinctively adjust how you parent each of your twins in ways that suit them.”
The Toddler Years
“Keeping two toddlers out of mischief is a challenge,” Howell says. With two little ones that are constantly on the move, rope in helpers. “Travel with help and always bring a family member when you go on vacation,” suggests Diaz. That way, everyone will be able to enjoy themselves more.
In addition, your twins will be showing more and more of their likes and dislikes. Howell says, “At this age, it’s also easy to see that fraternal twins have different interests and abilities. It’s important to recognize them as individuals.” Encourage this by providing toys, games and outings that cater to each personality. “It’s important for them to have something special they don’t have to share,” Diaz says. “Allow each child to have their own special time.”
Preschool Tips
During the preschool years, begin to set boundaries. “With preschoolers, you have to teach respect,” Diaz says. “When you’re having snuggle time with one child, the other has to be respectful of that, especially if they’re sharing a room.” Set clear rules so each child knows what is expected of them.
At this age, kids can also start making small decisions on their own. “Let them pick out their own clothes and activities as soon as they can,” Diaz says. “It’s okay if they want matching clothes or enjoy the same activities, but don’t push it on them.” Dropping them both off at the same ballet class might be easier for you, but make sure both kids are equally interested in the activity.
The School Years
Nurture each child’s strengths and encourage them to help each other. “Let your twins help each other learn,” Diaz says. “One may be better at writing and one at drawing. You have two different kids who are learning at different speeds.”
Also consider their classrooms at school. “We placed our boys in separate classes starting in kindergarten,” Howell says. “This allowed them their own space and the ability to be recognized as individuals. Even though they look different and have distinct personalities, just the thought of them being twins makes people outside the family expect them to be alike.”
Need more twin tips? Read How to Hire a Nanny for Twins.
Sandy Wallace enjoys family life and sharing tips to help parents find joy in daily life as they make memories with their family.
