Being a caregiver is an extremely important — albeit challenging — role. Members of the sandwich generation are arguably faced with some of the most demanding types of caregiving simultaneously. Parenting at any stage requires constant attention to your child’s physical and emotional health and well-being. Taking care of aging parents requires a similar rigor on top of navigating the complex new relationship that comes with caring for the person who was once your primary caregiver. The sandwich generation takes on both jobs at once.
This incredibly stressful, demanding situation is currently the reality for a quarter of the U.S. population, predicted to increase as members of the boomer generation continue to require more care as they age. Here, what it means to be part of the sandwich generation, its unique challenges and ways to prepare and cope with being part of it.
Sandwich generation meaning
Members of the sandwich generation are typically middle-aged and find themselves supporting their growing children and aging parents simultaneously. The sandwich generation population has grown due to increased life expectancy and younger adults delaying childbirth. However, the sandwich generation has a history that dates back several decades.
The historical context of the sandwich generation meaning
The term “sandwich generation” was coined by two social workers, Dorothy Miller and Elaine Brody, who observed the trend of people in their 40s caring for their aging parents while raising kids. Initially, the “sandwiched” generation was the boomer generation, struggling to raise Gen X kids while taking care of their Silent Generation parents. Many of The boomer generation cared for their aging parents while raising their kids and now expect to rely on them in old age.
Sandwich generation statistics and overview
A 2022 survey conducted by Pew Research Center estimates that one in seven Americans between the ages of 40 to 60 are providing financial assistance to their children and parents. About a third of adults in the sandwich generation are married, and 20% are living with a partner that can hopefully help share these burdens. Older sandwich generation members in their 50s and 60s don’t care for children at home. However, they still provide financial support to their adult children while caring for their aging parents. Adults in their 40s and 50s make up most of the sandwich generation, and about one in five are caring for children under 18, along with an older child they’re still supporting, on top of their aging parents.
The reality of the sandwich generation
Trying to provide care for children and parents simultaneously is already taxing. But throw in a demanding job, making it even more difficult to manage. For Julie Bell, 47, a realtor based in Cary, North Carolina and mother of one, juggling a full-time job, providing care for her aging parents and still finding time to spend with her teenage daughter has been challenging.
“I have been in hospital rooms taking calls when I wanted to be spending all my time with my parent there,” says Bell. “I’ve had to advocate to make sure that my parents get everything they need. My daughter doesn’t get the time she should with me. I miss out on a lot with friends because of my responsibilities.”
At some of the most stressful points of caregiving, Bell says she was only averaging around two hours of sleep per night.
Sarah M., the founder of Dog Training Boss based in Tucson, Arizona and mother of two, cares for her aging parents, who often need medical attention. “Feeling on-call all the time can be exhausting,” she says. “I rarely disconnect from my phone in case the school, a doctor’s office, or anything urgent needs my attention quickly, and I need to be available.”
Dan Morris, an online marketer and father of two, struggles with his own health issues while caring for his children and aging parents. “I have Crohn’s disease, and symptoms are said to be made worse by stress,” he says. “Sometimes, when the pressure is on to do this with the kids, that with the parents, and everything else in between, it is a feeling overwhelmed and anxious.”
Challenges of the sandwich generation
“Being a part of the sandwich generation impacts our mental and physical health in so many ways, depending on the caregivers’ circumstances,” explains Susan Horton, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “How much pressure exists to be all things to all the people in your family, at the same time, will absolutely deplete the individual with the most responsibility in significant ways.” Here’s a look at the physical, mental and financial implications sandwich generation members face.
The strain on physical health
You can’t provide care for others if you aren’t taking care of yourself. Unfortunately, Jill Johnson-Young, a licensed clinical social worker, says that many sandwich generation members prioritize everyone else’s needs over themselves — to a point where it takes a physical toll.
“Caregivers always face health issues because they rationalize that the ones needing care must come first,” explains Johnson-Young. “They don’t look at the reality that if their health is not in good shape, they will not be available for anyone else. It is a serious issue.”
Morris has had to pay extra attention to his stress levels while balancing his caretaking duties to prevent a Crohn’s disease breakout. For Sarah, trying to unplug during times of self-care has proven stressful. “Recently, I booked a massage for myself but became quite anxious about turning my phone on silent for the whole appointment,” she says.
Impact on mental health
Becoming part of the sandwich generation is a life-altering experience that Johnson-Young says causes many different kinds of stress that inevitably take a toll on a person’s mental health.
Horton, who also found herself caught in the sandwich generation caring for her ailing mother with lung cancer while raising four kids, knows the mental toll firsthand. Being a sole caregiver to an ailing elderly parent can be extremely stressful, especially if you add children that need you, in addition to a job outside of the home,” she says. “Depression and anxiety can also develop and lead to sleepless nights and a feeling of never being caught up and in control of your life. It is a recipe for burnout on every level.”
Financial implications
Caring for aging parents, children and yourself inevitably takes a financial toll. “These put pressure on you to earn more income, but due to time constraints posed by both parents and family, one can only do so much,” says registered financial planner Raymond Quisumbing. “Getting a second job to supplement one’s income becomes difficult. The breadwinner then has to cut some expenses to make ends meet, which can affect his or her overall health and productivity.”
Depending on the type of job, caregiving duties can also mean lost wages. Not to mention, spreading one income across the needs of multiple people leaves little room for saving. “It’s often challenging to accumulate personal savings or investments for retirement as part of the sandwich generation,” says Andrew Gosselin, a certified public accountant and senior editor of Money Inc.
Positive aspects of the sandwich generation
“While being part of the sandwich generation can be challenging, it can also provide ample opportunities for personal growth, resilience, and greater family bonding,” says Kalley Hartman, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “Caregivers who navigate this role successfully may experience positive outcomes such as increased empathy, problem-solving skills, and a sense of purpose.” Here are a few benefits of being part of the sandwich generation.
Family bonding
“Being part of the sandwich generation provides an opportunity for intergenerational bonding,” explains Jasmine Reed, a clinical psychologist. “The close proximity and involvement with both aging parents and children allow for stronger relationships and the sharing of experiences and wisdom across generations.”
Sarah M. has witnessed this firsthand, watching her grandparents and children spend time together while caring for all of them. “My parents adore the children, and the time spent together helps build memories and a support system within the family,” she says. “Grandparents can be the best cheerleaders, storytellers, and game players a child could ask for — and they always seem to have ice cream or candy in the house!”
For Morris, watching his kids learn about their grandparents has been a rewarding experience. “It’s important to know one’s history and where one came from, and this knowledge is transferred during these times,” he says.
Personal growth and resilience
“Caring for both parents and children simultaneously fosters empathy and compassion,” says Reed. “It deepens the understanding of the aging process, the challenges of parenthood, and the importance of providing support and care to loved ones.”
Though navigating her aging parent’s medical issues has been difficult for Sarah M., it’s also provided important life experiences for her children. “On one occasion, the kids came along to the hospital after one of my parents had a procedure,” says Sarah. “Both children were hesitant about the hospital environment and asked many questions before and after visiting, but they also learned how medical professionals help take care of people. Overall, it became a comfortable learning experience.”
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Resources and support for the sandwich generation
Feeling supported while navigating the demands of the sandwich generation is essential. Here are some resources that can help lighten the load.
National and local resources
Area Agency on Aging, a public or private non-profit agency, is designated by the state to address the needs and concerns of all older persons at the regional and local levels.
Caregiver education and training programs
“Many organizations and community centers offer educational programs and workshops specifically designed for caregivers,” says Reed. These programs provide valuable information on caregiving techniques, managing stress, communication skills, and navigating healthcare systems.
Online communities and support groups
“Numerous websites and online platforms offer valuable information, resources, and forums for caregivers,” says Reed. These platforms provide access to articles, caregiver tips, support communities, and advice from professionals. Examples include the Family Caregiver Alliance (caregiver.org) and the Caregiver Action Network (caregiveraction.org).
Books and podcasts for sandwich caregivers
- “How to Care for Aging Parents: A One-Stop Resource for All Your Medical, Financial, Housing, and Emotional Issues.” Now in its third edition, this book has been hailed as a must-have guide for logistical information and emotional experience.
- “Striped Shirts and Flowered Pants.” Not sure how to explain dementia to your child? This children’s book breaks it down in a beautiful, easy-to-understand way.
- “Middle Aging – A Podcast for the Sandwich Generation.” A mix of personal stories and practical advice shared by experts, middle aging helps the sandwich generation understand and manage all that comes with this phase of life.
- “The Sandwich Generation Survival Guide.” Hosts Candace Dellacona, Esq. and Jodi Argentino, M.S., Esq. deliver raw comedic tactics for taking care of their children and parents while balancing everything else life comes with.
“Don’t hesitate to seek support from family, friends or support groups. Share your feelings, concerns and challenges with others who can offer understanding, empathy and advice.”
— Jasmine Reed
The bottom line: Must-know takeaways for sandwich generation caregivers
No matter what your sandwich caregiving situation looks like, consider these three, solid expert tips.
Seek support
“Don’t hesitate to seek support from family, friends or support groups,” says Reed. “Share your feelings, concerns and challenges with others who can offer understanding, empathy and advice.”
Learn how to say “no”
“Don’t be afraid to say no when you’re pushing yourself beyond your limits,” says Morris. “Complete one task at a time, and don’t fret over everything else that needs to be done.”
Reach out to friends
Friends don’t always know how to offer support in situations like this. But Sarah says making time to connect with others away from your duties as a caregiver is crucial, noting, “Sometimes it’s important to break away from conversations about kids or parents and just talk and connect with good friends.”
