If you care for young kids and you’ve spent time on TikTok and Instagram lately, you’ve likely seen a growing number of posts talking about Montessori parenting. Often, these posts show kids playing in trendy, minimalist spaces or feature toddlers showing off impressive feats of independence, like washing and cutting their own snacks. They might leave you wondering, what is Montessori parenting?
As it turns out, Montessori parenting is not really about home decor or hitting development stages at lightning speed. “Montessori is about acknowledging that each child has a different path and a different pace of learning,” says Blanca Velazquez-Martin, a licensed therapist, parent educator and the founder of Whole Child Home. “The environment is set up for you to follow the child and for the child to be independent, grow and participate at their own pace.”
Here’s a guide to what Montessori parenting is (and what it isn’t), as well as seven tips from Montessori experts on how to easily and practically start implementing the method at home.
“Montessori is about acknowledging that each child has a different path and a different pace of learning.”
— BLANCA VELAZQUEZ-MARTIN, CERTIFIED MONTESSORI EDUCATOR
What are the principles of Montessori?
If you Google the phrase “principles of Montessori,” you’ll see articles mentioning five principles, seven principles, twelve principles and everything in between. It’s true that there are a number of core tenets in the Montessori method, says Velazquez-Martin, including:
- Respect for the child.
- Having a prepared environment.
- Independent learning.
- Parental observation.
- Freedom of movement and choice.
But, because the Montessori method doesn’t have just one standard definition or strict set of rules, the exact number of “principles of Montessori” may vary by expert. Instead, Velazquez-Martin say to focus on three elements:
- The child.
- The adult.
- The environment.
“We talk about the Montessori triangle,” Velazquez-Martin says. “On one end, you have the child. On the other one, you have the environment. And, on the final one, you have the parent or the adult.”
In this “triangle,” she explains, the parent is responsible for observing their child and creating an environment that fosters learning and independence based on their unique needs and abilities.
Is Montessori the same thing as gentle parenting?
“Positive discipline and a respectful approach to the child’s learning process has always been a component of Montessori environments,” says Velazquez-Martin. “But there are parents that incorporate this type of discipline and this type of respectful parenting approach who are not necessarily Montessori.”
The main difference between Montessori parenting and what people call gentle or positive parenting depends on whether parents also follow the Montessori ideology for honoring kids’ independence, she adds.
Do I need special toys or furniture to be a Montessori parent?
Social media makes it look like Montessori parenting means spending a lot of money or adhering to a strict design philosophy that prohibits anything except plain wooden toys. That’s simply not true, the experts say.
“What it truly comes down to is the way the adult is prepared to trust the child as a capable learner in any environment,” says Velazquez-Martin. “At home, that means simply taking into account the environment and how it’s set up for incorporating the participation of young humans.”
Simone Davies, a certified Montessori teacher, podcast host and the author of “The Montessori Child,” says this could be as simple as having a stool in the kitchen for kids to help prepare food or setting up a place for children to independently remove their coats and shoes when they get home.
It’s also important to note that just because American influencers do Montessori a particular way doesn’t mean that is the only way. “Some families see having a prepared play environment in the living room as doable, but there may be cultures in which it’s absolutely not appropriate to have toys in the living room,” Velazquez-Martin says. “That doesn’t mean that one family is ‘more Montessori’ than the other one.”
So, how do you raise a Montessori child?
Ultimately, Velazquez-Martin says, raising a Montessori child means “finding ways that fit your home, your lifestyle and your culture to honor your child as an independent learner.”
“The beauty of the Montessori method is really focusing on the fact that no Montessori home is going to be the same,” she adds.
To begin the shift towards a more Montessori-focused parenting style, here’s what the experts recommend:
1. Observe your child.
The experts say to start by observing what things your child is already capable of doing by themselves and what interests them. This will help you notice areas where you can facilitate further learning and independence.
“The first way we started to implement Montessori at home was through involving our kids in daily tasks,” says Samantha K., a Montessori educator and mom of two who runs the popular Instagram Everyday With E and J. “It was pretty easy because my young toddlers were naturally really interested in staying close to me and helping with whatever I was working on.”
2. Adapt your environment.
Once you know what your kids like and are able to do, set up a home environment that makes those things more accessible.
For Samantha, that meant getting a child-safe kitchen stool for her kids to help with simple tasks such as mixing and transferring ingredients. Additionally, she added a sturdy step stool and a soap dispenser at the bathroom sink, a child-sized seat to the toilet and a small bathroom mirror at child-height with a washcloth for independent face wiping.
“Think about honoring the child as a capable learner,” Velazquez-Martin says. “If they are self-dressing, you aren’t going to give them an entire wardrobe, but you may start with giving them access to two or three outfits they can choose from.”
3. Scaffold difficulty to increase independence.
“First you offer a choice, then you step back,” says Velazquez-Martin. “You prepare the environment little by little to make sure that you let go more and more. This way, kids can eventually do more things by themselves at an appropriate, gradual pace.”
This is known as autonomy supportive parenting, she explains, and it’s a part of Montessori parenting that allows kids to continuously develop age-appropriate independence.
“I want to be like a captain of a ship who, even if the ship’s rocking, I can still be like, ‘Oh, you’re safe here. Let me know if you want some help.’”
— SIMONE DAVIES, A CERTIFIED MONTESSORI TEACHER AND AUTHOR OF “THE MONTESSORI CHILD”
4. Discipline using logic and natural consequences.
Davies says that as a parent, she wants to be “a calm and clear guide.” “I want to be like a captain of a ship who, even if the ship’s rocking, I can still be like, ‘Oh, you’re safe here. Let me know if you want some help,’” she explains.
What does this look like in practice? “I’m always observing and just trying to see from their perspective,” she explains.
So, Davies says, if a toddler doesn’t want to wear their coat, you might say, “Oh, you don’t want to put your coat on? I’ll carry the coat, and if it gets cold, we can put it on.”
Or, if they’re trying to grab something out of a friend’s hands, the parent or adult might say, “Oh, it looks like you want to play with that toy right now,” and then tell them when they can play with it and/or redirect them to another item.
5. Always practice respect for the child.
“Respect for the child as a whole person is an important focus of Montessori,” Samantha says. “At home, this means preparing our spaces to meet their needs, build their independence and teach autonomy. By preparing our environments in this way, I am showing my children that I value and respect them.”
As a result, she adds, her kids are “highly independent, intrinsically motivated and curious problem solvers who seek out ways to do things on their own.”
6. Do your research.
Samantha recommends that parents read a Montessori parenting book or take a course with an experienced Montessorian.
She says one of Davies’ books, “The Montessori Toddler,” was a constant companion at the start of her practice. And if an online course is more your style, she highly recommends Angela Chang of Momtessori Life. “She’s a total expert when it comes to implementing the Montessori method at home,” the educator notes.
7. Remember, Montessori is flexible.
At its core, Montessori parenting and education are philosophies. There’s no strict rule book you have to follow that will determine whether or not you’re doing it correctly.
“The important thing to keep in mind is that there’s no right way or wrong way to do it, and it’s never too early or too late,” notes Velazquez-Martin. “If your goal is to honor your child as a capable, important member of your home, you can do it anywhere, any time, and you can start whenever you want to.”
