While the holidays can be a joyful time of year, they can also be a fairly demanding time. It seems like every year, the season comes barreling through our homes and leaves just as quickly as it came. It’s so easy to get caught up in concerns about unpacking decorations, or stressing over the perfect gift, or hosting (or attending) a party or three. And don’t even get me started on those holiday cards you swore up and down you’d mail out just after Thanksgiving.
Whether you celebrate Christmas, Yule, Hanukkah or any of the other winter holidays, we could all benefit from taking a second to slow down and practice some holiday stress management. Here’s how to do that, according to experts.
Why do we feel so much holiday stress?
“We can be overwhelmed by responsibilities like organizing, attending parties and dinners, financially straining to buy gifts for loved ones and navigating complicated family dynamics,” says Saba Harouni Lurie, licensed marriage and family therapist at Take Root Therapy.
She says that oftentimes, people attempt to “power through” this time of year. “While that may work in the short term, it may not allow for real joy or authentic connection, which could be what you desire at this time of year,” says Lurie.
Ashurina Ream, a licensed clinical psychologist at Psyched Mommy also points out that the holiday season is especially stressful due to the lack of routines for families with kids.
“Children tend to exhibit bigger behaviors during times of celebration, excitement and unpredictability,” says Ream. “With bigger behavior comes tension in the family system. The limited downtime and rushing from event to event may also result in an overstimulated family.”
Why is it a good idea to slow down during the holidays?
Lurie says that slowing down and being mindful around the holidays can help families to consider what they value and what activities and relationships are actually important and meaningful to them. That may sound like a good enough reason to slow down, but there are other benefits, too.
“Mindfulness may help us become less reactive and more resilient.”
—Saba Harouni Lurie, licensed marriage and family therapist
In fact, she says, “Mindfulness decreases activity in the amygdala (the brain region associated with our fight-flight-freeze response) and increases the amygdala’s connections with the prefrontal cortex,” says Lurie. “Mindfulness may help us become less reactive and more resilient.”
So how can you start slowing down and stepping away from the holiday stress? Here are nine ways to give “slower” a try this season.
Expert tips to manage holiday stress
1. Avoid the local holiday FOMO
It’s so easy to get caught up in what you feel you’re “supposed” to do for the holidays that you may end up pushing your family into events you or they might not even love. While it’s some families’ tradition to attend their local tree lighting event, your family might have just as much fun simply decorating and lighting their own tree.
“Last year we went on THE Christmas train ride. It was fun, but it was a late night, a long drive and a lot of money,” says Emma Kozlowski, a mom of three and founder of Eighteen Summers. “This year, we decided to do a more local train ride that is easier, cheaper and is just a more simple experience for the whole family.”
2. Find your own way to share holiday greetings
“While I love a family photo and a beautifully designed Christmas card, I just don’t enjoy the stress of family photos and the whole hassle of sending out cards,” says Kozlowski, who is based in Bethel, Connecticut. “Since it is not something that brings me joy, it is something I chose to eliminate.”
If mailing out holiday greetings is important for you, however, there are plenty of more relaxed ways to go about it. Pick out a few photos you loved from the year, then upload and have a service like Shutterfly send them out for you. You can also purchase a bundle of cards at a local small business and take pleasure in having a quiet evening writing to your loved ones — no photos required! Even easier still: if all you want is to wish others a happy holiday, you can always make a special video or e-card.
3. Consider delegating holiday tasks
For some, it can be especially hard to let others lend a hand when it comes to the holidays. But even the most ardent of perfectionists should recognize this is the, well, perfect time of year to practice delegation skills.
“It never dawned on me that I could delegate simple tasks like booking seats on a flight to my husband, but I did recently and it was great,” says Yoky Matsuoka, mother of four and founder of Yohana, a concierge service for busy families she created out of wanting to minimize her own stress. Babyistters, housekeepers and so many other professionals can help you tackle your to-do list and make the holiday season that much easier.
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4. Embrace imperfection
Sometimes, you’ll accidentally forget to order your spouse’s gift in time, your roast will burn or your pet will knock over the tree. And you know what? It’s not the end of the world.
“Being OK with not being perfect and patting yourself on the back when you make mistakes, then learning from them is vital for reducing that parent guilt we all inevitably feel,” says Matsuoka. “I believe it’s also important to show your kids your flaws so they’re aware that they don’t have to be perfect either.”
Remember: When things don’t go as planned, you can always make a quick DIY gift for your loved one, pop in a frozen pizza and pick the tree right back up, and it’ll be a holiday memory your family will never forget.
5. Feel free to skip some (or all) gifts
If your gift list is simply too long, reconsider who you’re getting gifts for in the first place.
“My family doesn’t stress about giving gifts to the adults,” says Karla Campos, a mother of two and podcaster at Entrepreneur Moms. “It’s great that we are all in agreement that the gifts are for the kids. There’s no obligation to bring a gift and that makes everything less stressful.”
If you have a lot of extended family or a large group of friends, you can also consider going for a Secret Santa or White Elephant-style exchange so everyone only picks up one gift to minimize the holiday stress.
“My kids, even at a young age, have made statements about how beautiful our tree is or how nice it is by the fire. They are learning to appreciate the simple beauty around them.”
—Emma Kozlowski, mom of three and founder of Eighteen Summers
6. Enjoy a quiet moment by firelight or twinkle light
There’s no arguing that twinkle lights and cozy fires are some of the best ways to set the holiday mood at home. But how often are you actually enjoying them?
“As a way to slow down our minds and relax, we frequently put on some nice holiday piano music, make a fire and relax by the Christmas tree,” says Kozlowski. “My kids, even at a young age, have made statements about how beautiful our tree is or how nice it is by the fire. They are learning to appreciate the simple beauty around them.”
Even if you don’t have a fireplace, you can always turn on a candle and turn down the artificial lights in your home to add a bit of magic to your space. And never underestimate the magical feeling of laying on the floor underneath a well-lit tree and looking up at all the lights and ornaments!
7. Consider a quiet getaway
Rather than going all out at home with decorations you’ll later have to put away and messes you’ll need to clean up, consider having a small-but-special holiday getaway.
“We’ve rented small quiet places in the mountains the last few holidays in hopes of having a higher chance for snow on Christmas morning,” says Sélah Dey, a mom of two and owner of Urban Rituals Home and Landscaping. “We make sure to bring in a tree and lights. You can make almost anyplace home if you work together in a kitchen to fill the house with familiar smells before you fill your bellies with food you made as a team.
8. Rethink the big fancy holiday dinners
Sure, a large family dinner can be lovely, but not if only one person is doing all (or most) the cooking and they hate every moment of it. Consider picking up a pre-made meal to make things easier on everyone, or host a potluck-style gathering with easy-to-make (or inexpensive to purchase) appetizers and treats if that brings you happiness.
“Even if you can’t cook, keep it simple at home by making meals out of fresh cut fruit, block cheese, crackers and sparkling grape juice,” says Dey. “It’ll feel fancy for a fraction of the cost, and you’ll spend more time doing what’s important — being present with the people you’ve gathered with.”
9. Focus in on micro traditions
Rather than elaborate events and parties, make room for small traditions to incorporate throughout the holiday season.
“We’re privileged to be able to schedule time off during the holiday in our home, so we try to take advantage of that by building traditions that bring our family closer together,” says Dey. “Traditions like seeing how big of a leaf pile we can gather if we all work together, sipping hot cocoa and apple cider from a paper cup while being dazzled by lights and like skipping the ski lines in favor of finding the best sledding hill in the city.”
Whether it’s going for a walk to see the lights and decorations in your neighborhood or reading holiday books to one another before bed, your children will cherish these simple, slower traditions just as much (if not more) than anything money can buy.
