If eating out in a restaurant with kids gives you nightmares about excruciatingly loud noise levels, flying food and impromptu games of hide-and-seek, you’re not alone. You, like many other parents and caregivers, are probably wondering how long it actually takes to make table manners for kids a reality.
“Taking young kids out to eat can be like feeding a pack of wild animals,” says psychotherapist Robi Ludwig. “You need to be patient and have fun, knowing there is a big learning curve, as you are socializing kids on how to behave in public.”
So take a deep breath and let go of pressure of the intense pressure you’ve put on yourself. Table manners for kids take time. We asked Ludwig and Louise Elerding, author of “You’ve Got Manners!,” a children’s book series, for tips and advice on turning uncouth dining experiences with kids into ones that are (somewhat) poised.
1. Start at the dinner table at home
Both experts agree that sitting together for meals at home is wonderful practice for restaurant trips. At least once a week, aim to teach meal manners during home meals. Work on placing a napkin on your lap, eating with utensils (not hands!), talking to each other, not burping, eating with mouths closed and not scurrying from the table when the food is done. As kids get used to having interesting chats during mealtime, it will come more naturally when eating outside the home.
2. Test drive table manners at kid-friendly places
You might not get the farm-to-table meal you crave, but “Do not dismiss the family-friendly restaurant,” says Ludwig.
Restaurants that expect lots of kids are best for testing the dining behaviors. The positives: food is often served quickly, kids’ cups come with covers to prevent spills, and crayons and paper are often right on the table.
When kids receive their own menus, it makes them feel important. Allow them to choose and order their own meals (within reason), and they will feel especially grown up. And keep the outing short. A two-hour dinner is not the place for young children.
3. Give technology the boot
You’re glued to your Android. Your husband has an iPhone growing out of his palm. We all love our smart devices, but according to experts, kids and adults need to know that it’s not OK to have them at the dining table. For one, if faces are buried in tablets or phones, you all miss the opportunity to connect with one another.
“It makes me irate to see people using phones when dining,” says Elerding. “When a child sits and eats a meal, they are learning to extend themselves to another person and engage in conversation.”
Ludwig agrees that dinner is practice time to talk face-to-face.
It used to be that families turned off the television at the table. Now we all need to leave our phones in the other room. It helps them build better social skills.
4. Mind your peas and Qs
You like your steak done well, and it was served medium rare. Before you cause a commotion about the meat or talk snidely about the chef adding too much salt to the soup, take a deep breath. This type of fuss will only teach children that you have a sense of superiority and a quick temper.
Instead, model for them how to appropriately express your displeasure, as well as how to be courteous to waitstaff. Say “please” and “thank you,” make eye contact and compliment them for a job well done. Eating dinner is a way to share values with kids and teach them how to respect others.
5. Keep kids engaged
Sometimes kids just can’t sit still. When they start to wiggle in their seats or migrate away from the table, you need to be prepared to draw them back in. Start a round of I Spy, 20 Questions or round robin storytelling.
Even the topic of table manners can be a fun game, suggests Elerding. Assign kids to be the “manners police” who make sure adults are following the rules. They can prevent plate crashes by making sure everything is passed to the right and traffic moves smoothly. Need salt? Never pass it without the pepper! These two spices are best buds and etiquette calls for them to stick together, even if a person requested just one.
6. Teach proper etiquette
- Keep your mouth closed while eating: “Address the matter with kindness,” says Elerding. “Let them know they have permission to take their time when they are eating and asked to answer a question.”
- Stop burping: Remind them to quietly say, “Excuse me” and move on. Everyone else at the table should avoid drawing attention to the noise and act as if nothing happened, or you might receive a belch symphony.
- Wait to eat: Talk about this respectful rule before you arrive at the restaurant. If the last person waiting for her dish gives permission for everyone else to start, it’s perfectly fine to pick up your fork and begin. Make it a game and have everyone sit on their hands until all plates are served.
