What is the “best” way to raise a child? There’s no right answer, but it’s a topic parents spend a lot of time arguing about. New parents often agonize over which diapers to use, how to feed their babies, sleep schedules and other details, and they can experience shame and judgment from others for the choices they make. These so-called “mommy wars” have been raging online for years, but one experienced TikTok mom is here to share the truth: the parenting choices we spend so much time arguing about aren’t actually that big of a deal.
The mom, who goes by Lisa P. on social media, recently made a viral video explaining that she and her sister are raising their kids with completely opposite parenting styles. “Our kids are about six months apart, and we’ve always been very different people, and we took parenting very differently,” she says.
So far, the two sisters have landed on opposite sides of the fence on pretty much every hot button parenting issue. “I breastfed for a year, and she started her kids on formula about three weeks in,” Lisa explains. “I stayed home, she went back to work. My kids have always been on a very strict sleeping schedule, and hers never really went on a schedule. I only ever fed my kids organic, home-cooked food. Her kids ate Little Debbie mini muffins out of a package in front of their iPads.”
Now that the kids are getting older, the sisters have had a chance to see the true long term impact of their parenting choices. The most noticeable difference between their kids? “F***ing nothing,” the mom says.
She jokes that her sister’s kids may be a little nicer than her own, but other than that, “they are exactly the same.”
Lisa decided to share their story on TikTok because she knows the pressure so many moms and dads feel to try to be the best, healthiest, most engaged parents ever, and while that’s an admirable goal, it’s not necessarily worth the stress of chasing perfection.
“If you’re in the middle of self turmoil about any of the decisions I just mentioned, just know it doesn’t matter an iota to who these children will grow up to be,” she explains. “[Your kid’s] health and happiness comes first, and anyone who makes you feel bad for any of these decisions is a piece of sh*t.”
The mom’s video has parents all over the internet singing her praises. Since February 19, the post has racked up over 763,000 likes and 73,000 shares. Thousands of people have also left comments applauding her for telling it like it is, and thanking her for helping parents feel more confident in their choices.
“As a nanny for over 25 years, I completely agree with this,” one person writes. “Do what feels right for your family.”
“Breastfeeding, formula, organic, GMO — either way, they’re all going to eat a chicken nugget off the floor at some point,” another person adds.
Other parents say her words are helping them let go of mom guilt and stay strong through some tough parenting struggles. “Literally needed this so bad right now,” one mom writes. “I was crying with mom guilt because my 18-month-old isn’t talking enough yet, then I open TikTok and see this.”
As a parent, it is so easy to get stressed out about issues like nutrition, sleep and screen time. These are important, and it’s natural to want to give your kids the best possible start in life.
But what matters the most is finding a balance that helps you and your child be your best, happiest and healthiest selves, regardless of what anyone else is doing with their own kids. Parenting is hard, especially during a pandemic when people have crazy work and school schedules, need to rely on screens so much more and millions of families are struggling to make ends meet.
Lisa wants other moms and dads to know that what works for one family may not work for another, and no parent should ever be shamed for doing what they have to do to get through each day. If your kids are happy, safe and loved, you’re doing a great job.
