Grandparents know a thing or two about raising kids, but does that give them a pass to ignore instructions when they babysit their grandchildren? After one grandparent made a joke on TikTok about side-eyeing the babysitting rule book while caring for her grandson, an outspoken grandmother fired back with a viral video about the importance of respecting parents’ boundaries.
Parents vs. grandparents: Who should make the rules?
A popular TikTokker who goes by the name Gwenith Rachelle says she knows that some grandparents like to make jokes about having more parenting experience than their adult kids, but she finds the trend disrespectful. Instead, she thinks grandparents should do their best to uphold their adult kids’ rules and boundaries when it comes to caring for their grandchildren.
“I do this with my son and daughter-in-law when I watch my grandson,” she explains. “[I] ask them for their instructions on when he needs his bottles, what foods, anything. I ask their permission because I respect them as parents.”
As a mom of five, Gwenith Rachelle has a lot of experience raising babies, but she doesn’t think her own knowledge should overshadow her son or daughter-in-law’s wishes for their child.
“I think there’s no quicker way to disrespect your grown adult children than to kind of have that mentality of ‘I’ve had kids, so I know what I’m doing,'” she adds. “I’ve had a baby. [I’ve had] five of them. And I still ask my son and daughter-in-law, one, for permission, and two, for his routine, schedule and what they want done with him or what they don’t. It’s just a respect thing. I really don’t think it’s good to belittle your children.”
Parents and grandparents both want respect
The video stirred up strong reactions from parents and grandparents alike. Plenty of people agree with Gwenith Rachelle and say overbearing grandparents need to think about what’s best for their grandkids.
“If a grandparents doesn’t understand that instructions might be needed, then they need to reconsider if they are suitable babysitters,” one person writes. “I say this because every baby is different [or] may be fed a different way. Even the same baby goes through changes, so their routine might be different. As my mother-in-law says, she last had a baby 34 years ago. Things have changed since then, so she likes to have up-to-date instructions.”
Many people also say that instructions for grandparents are important because they’re usually centered on kids’ health and safety. “The number of times I’ve had to tell my in laws not to give my baby water or put things in their ears was something I never imagined I’d have to do,” one person adds.
Nevertheless, several grandparents and even some parents took issue with Gwenith Rachelle’s opinion, arguing that it’s just as disrespectful to disregard grandparents’ wisdom and advice.
“This is what is wrong with this world,” one person writes. “Kids learned they know better than their parents. OK, but don’t bring them to me for babysitting. Do it your way.”
“As a parent, I never told my parents how to look after my kids, aside from when a bottle was due,” another person says. “It’s not good to belittle your parent’s skills either.”
Avoiding toxic grandparent behavior
Sometimes, ignoring boundaries can be a sign of toxic grandparent behavior. Gwenith Rachelle says this kind of deliberate disrespect and undermining from grandparents is all too common, especially among in-laws. For her, respecting her son’s boundaries is a way of making sure she doesn’t become the kind of mother or mother-in-law who intentionally belittles her family.
“What better way to be sh***y to somebody than to interfere with the parenting of their child? It’s a common mother-in-law tactic,” she explains. “It’s very intentional because they know that’s the one thing that’s going to get under your skin: to come at your parenting or to do things that clearly go against what you would prefer to be done with your child.”
Of course, not every grandparent who does things their own way is being toxic. Sometimes parents and grandparents just genuinely aren’t on the same page, and it takes some effort to overcome that. Ultimately, every family has to find the balance that works for them. Many parents and grandparents just want what’s best for the young kids in their lives. Respect, trust and good communication can go a long way towards achieving that goal.
