We’ve all seen them. Images of put-together-looking, new moms (celebrity or otherwise) managing their newborn (and perhaps older siblings) with a deftness that well-rested, veteran parents are yet to unlock. In the background — of course — is a pristine kitchen, where a homemade vegetarian curry of sorts simmers on the range.
Reality? Hardly. Giving birth is a huge (huge!) deal and expecting to resume life as it was is completely unrealistic (regardless of the highly curated, #blessed versions you’ll see). However, many who have just given birth genuinely wonder what they should be doing (and if what they are doing is “normal.”)
“The period after birth should be for rest, recovery and adjusting to life with a newborn,” says Dr. Lauren Demosthenes, an OB-GYN and senior medical director with Babyscripts. “However, questions about things such as resuming sexual activity and exercise are incredibly common and often come up.”
Wondering if you should be hot and heavy with your partner in the post-birth period? Or if you’re supposed to be cooking up meals for your family — and visitors — like you’ve always done? (Spoiler alert: Um, no.) Here are seven things not to do after giving birth, according to experts.
1. Don’t have sex
Whether you’re interested in it or not, having intercourse in the weeks following birth isn’t recommended. “The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) does not suggest any strict rule about resuming intercourse, but most doctors and midwives will suggest waiting at least four weeks,” Demosthenes says, adding that, for women who had a vaginal birth and needed stitches, “it may be longer.”
In addition to post-birth bleeding lasting about six weeks, having sex after giving birth (or even using tampons) can hinder the healing process and increase the chance of an infection. For women who gave birth via C-section, “the same goes,” Demosthenes says. “The uterine and skin incisions need to heal.”
A general rule of thumb is to avoid sex until you’ve been “given the OK” from your doctor.
Also, if you’re not “in the mood,” don’t feel bad; you’re far from alone. “With a newborn, there are so many changes and sleep is so disrupted,” Demosthenes says. “So having intercourse may not be top of mind.”
2. Don’t assume you can’t get pregnant again
If you resume sexual relations before getting your period, don’t assume you can’t get pregnant, as you’ll ovulate first. In fact, research has shown pregnancy is possible between six and eight weeks after giving birth.
“If you don’t want to get pregnant again, remember that contraception is important — even right after birth,” notes Demosthenes.
3. Don’t start (or restart) vigorous exercise immediately
No doubt about it, exercise is important for both physical and mental health. But in the days following birth, it’s best to take it easy, and when you do resume your fitness routine, take it slow.
According to ACOG, if your pregnancy and birth was uncomplicated, you can start exercising a few days after giving birth or when you feel up to it — especially if you routinely exercised before and during pregnancy. That being said, don’t aim to jump back into your CrossFit routine right off the bat. Try for simple postpartum exercises at first and then work your way up to more intense exercise.
“A great way to start exercising is to take walks with the baby in a stroller,” Demosthenes says, adding that it’s important to “listen to your body” when easing back into an exercise routine.
For new parents who had a C-section or complicated birth, speak to your OB-GYN about when it’s safe to start exercising.
4. Don’t expect to feel elated
Even if you waited and wished for a child for as long as you can remember, “baby blues are very common,” according to Demosthenes. Typically, she explains, symptoms start one to two days after giving birth and usually go away without treatment anywhere between day three and five.
Symptoms include:
- Impatience.
- Anxiety.
- Crying for no reason.
- Feelings of disappointment.
“Treatment should include awareness that this is common, support from friends and family, rest, and a good diet,” notes Demosthenes.
Jada Shapiro, a childbirth educator, doula and founder of Boober, a company that works to empower parents to transform their pregnancy, birth and postpartum experiences through access to education, resources and maternal care providers, notes that those who have had a particularly traumatic or long labor may be more susceptible to such feelings post-birth.
“While no one should expect to feel any particular way after giving birth, those with difficult labors or births may experience some combination of shock, relief to have gotten through the experience, confusion or numbness,” she says.
If baby blues symptoms extend beyond two weeks, it may be postpartum depression (PPD), which occurs in about one in five women, according to Demosthenes. “So, very common,” she notes.
Generally, symptoms of PPD crop up about a week after delivery and can feel “more severe” than baby blues and also include the following:
- Sadness/hopelessness.
- Overly anxious feelings (also see postpartum anxiety).
- Feelings of isolation.
- Fear of self harm or harming the baby.
If you think you have postpartum depression, medical care from your OB-GYN or midwife should be sought. “Talk therapy and antidepressants are commonly used with good success,” says Demosthenes.
5. Don’t rush back into normal routines
Can you go back to crafting with your toddler or folding laundry after giving birth? “Technically, yes, if you have the energy and desire,” says Demosthenes. “But it may be better to lean on friends and family to help out, as this is a period of adjustment and fatigue.”
“Your life is completely different after you give birth,” adds Shapiro. “You now have a new human being who came out of your body and who you are entirely responsible for. It is a powerful transformation, and in turn, there is now a new normal.”
Here are a few ways Shapiro suggests enlisting support to you don’t have to “do it all” on your own:
- Enlist family members: “If one of them can move in with you, great!”
- Enlist a postpartum doula.
- Hire a house cleaner.
- Talk to a mental health therapist who focuses on pregnancy or postpartum if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
- Find a postpartum support group.
- Connect with other post-birth parents through postpartum yoga classes or meetups.
If you have additional kids, consider hiring a babysitter or mother’s helper, who can entertain and interact with them while you tend to the baby or get some rest.
“After the birth of my second, I had our 11-year-old neighbor come over to hang with my 4-year-old a few hours each week,” says Carine Reilly, a mom of two in Asheville, North Carolina. “It was perfect for everyone — and now she’s our babysitter!”
6. Don’t entertain
Naturally, there will be friends and family members who want to visit you and your adorable baby, but if you feel pressure to “host,” don’t be afraid to say no or postpone until you’re feeling more up for guests.
“I only allowed my mother, sister and one of my friends to come over after I had my firstborn,” says Nadia Huddy, a mom of three in Woodbridge, New Jersey. “With others, I felt like I had to entertain them and do things like put out food, which I just didn’t have the energy for.”
7. Don’t neglect yourself
A good way to rest, heal, bond with your baby and even combat the baby blues, according to Demosthenes? Take care of yourself. She says: “Having help at home, good rest, good nutrition and a support system are all incredibly important during the postpartum period.”
