Teach Your Child to Respect Your Nanny

Let’s face it, kids aren’t always respectful. They have to be taught respect and how to be respectful to other people. It’s an important life lesson.

And that lesson is also important when it comes to nannies. Your nanny is in charge of your kids regularly, and it’s important that they respect her as an authority figure and listen when she tells them something.

With that in mind, we spoke with Halley Bondy, a nanny and author of “Don’t Sit on the Baby,” and Alice Shaffer, a career nanny of 18 years and co-founder of Regarding Nannies, to get their advice on how to teach your kids to respect their nanny.

1. Introduce the Kids and the Nanny
   A certain level of comfort is necessary between the nanny, children and parents. And sometimes that takes time to develop. Be sure each of your children is happy with your decision to hire a nanny and speak candidly with them about any misgivings they might have. Arrange a trial phase, where your nanny and kids can build a rapport, and you can see how the nanny interacts with your kids.

   Learn more about the 10 Ways to Prepare Kids for a New Sitter

2. Talk With Your Children About Expectations
   If you don’t highlight what you expect from your children, how will they know how to behave?  “Having a nanny is adding another adult to your parenting team,” says Shaffer. ” Parents should let [their kids] know that nanny will be there to make sure they are having fun, being safe and learning things while mom and dad are at work, and that it’s important to listen to the nanny.”

   Talk to your kids about what respect means and why it’s important. They should know that the house rules stay the same when their nanny is in charge.

3. Work Together
   Bondy says that one of the most helpful ways she was able to work with both children and parents was when the mother of the kids she was watching shadowed her when she first started her job. “It was nice to have some help, and to be able to segue into the position slowly rather than hit the ground running. The children were able to get used to me without feeling separation anxiety. They saw that I was a figure their mother respected and trusted. Slowly, she started stepping back and letting me handle things.” This approach may be worth considering when taking on a new nanny.

4. Support Her Decisions
   Shaffer says that “The best way to encourage respect for your nanny is by supporting her decisions, regarding discipline, activities and manners. If the nanny asks that the kids eat two vegetables at lunch before they get a treat, allow her to follow through with that. Don’t come in and say to the child that it is okay, you can have a treat. This creates a power play situation for the children between the parents and the nanny.”

   Work with her to create a discipline plan that everyone agrees on and follows.

5. Talk With Your Nanny About the Day
   The best way to help your nanny and kids to get along is constant communication. Speak with your nanny at the end of each day to find out what went well and what needs improvement. Some parents even use checklists to keep track of what’s working and what isn’t.

   “Ask the sitter a lot of questions at the end of her work day,” suggests Bondy. Did the child misbehave? How did the nanny handle it? Often sitters won’t think to tell you these things on their own, or they’re hesitant to recount negative experiences to you. The more you know about the day’s events — from the nanny’s point of view — the better able you’ll be to speak to your children and reinforce what she did with them during the day. 

6. Know That Respect Goes Both Ways 
   While it’s important for your kids to respect your nanny and her decisions, it’s equally important for you to show that same respect. If your kids hear you criticizing the nanny or her actions, it will undermine her authority.

   Your nanny should also respect you and your role as the parent. If there’s tension between parents and a nanny, children will sense this and lose whatever respect they had for their caregiver.

   Shaffer notes, “Sometimes nannies don’t understand why parents do what they do with their children, but it is the parent’s decision. Nannies should never talk negatively about the parents and vice versa with the children.”

Jennifer Eberhart is a freelance writer. Her work can be found here.