Whether they get pregnant while working for you or already have children to begin with, the fact is, many nannies have kids of their own. And while many caregivers don’t want to be forced to give up the work they love, they also don’t want to or simply can’t be away from their own child while providing care for another, notes Katie Provinziano, managing director of Westside Nannies in Beverly Hills, California. It’s for that reason that some family employers might agree to an arrangement in which caregivers can bring their child — often referred to as a “tag-along” or “sidekick” by nanny agencies — with them to work.
Here, eight tips to consider before greenlighting your nanny’s request — or even posting a job in which you specify that you’re open to candidates who would like to bring their child to work.
1. Think about socialization and kids’ compatibility
Whether you have yet to meet your nanny’s child or your kids have already had play dates together, think about how they’ll get along if they’re simultaneously under the nanny’s care. If they’re around the same age and have similar interests, they might be well-matched — and if they’re older, they might be able to tend to schoolwork together. And if you have an only child, they might benefit even more from the arrangement.
“Families benefit by having the added socialization for a child — especially for only children — and their ability to learn important lessons like sharing and taking turns is enhanced,” says Provinziano. This might seem particularly appealing right now, given that your kids might be facing limitations on play dates, extracurriculars and other opportunities to connect with their peers and build their social skills.
That said, you’ll want to talk to your nanny about their child care backup plan, should kids’ compatibility go south, says Davis. “It can often happen with kids of any age where they are getting along really well, and then, all of a sudden, they’re bickering or one child goes into a more argumentative or unhappier phase or has tantrums,” she explains. For this reason, you’ll want to know what your caregiver’s backup plan looks like.
2. Face any fears about your nanny’s attention being divided
The main concern parents voice around a sidekick arrangement is that the nanny won’t be able to offer both children the same level of care. “The No. 1 concern we hear over and over again is that the family employer’s children won’t be getting the same level of attention as they would otherwise,” says Davis. “Parents wonder why they’re paying a premium for the service of individual caregiving if all of the sudden their kids won’t be the only focus anymore?”
Davis acknowledges that it’s a valid concern, and if you’re feeling anxious and scared about this issue, having your nanny bring their child to work likely won’t be the best fit for your family. “But if you’re able to go into it with an open mind and more of a ‘it takes a village’ mindset, and if you already treat your nanny like part of your family or community, it could be a smooth transition,” she explains.
One way to alleviate anxiety on this issue: Talk to your nanny about their past experiences working with multiple children or in a classroom environment, advises Davis. Think about times when you’ve had to watch your own children and their friends during a play date, and recognize that your nanny could be equally adept — or even more skilled — at handling situations like that.
It also bears noting that if the nanny’s child is a grade schooler or older, they’ll be less likely than a younger child or baby to require significant attention.
3. Come up with a sick day game plan
Explore how you’ll want to proceed in the event that your nanny’s child or your child gets sick, advises Margaret “Austin” Macfarlane, founder and chief executive officer of Triangle Nannies, a caregiver agency in Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina.
You might decide that you’re OK with your nanny’s child experiencing certain symptoms, like a runny nose, while in your home. Or you might conclude that if the child is experiencing any sign of illness, your caregiver must revert to their child care backup plan.
4. Decide if the benefit should affect your caregiver’s pay
Most families at least bat around the idea of paying slightly less per hour for a nanny with a tag-along, says Davis. This could be either because you’re seeing the arrangement as more like a nanny share than a traditional nanny setup or because the lower rate seems appropriate, given that nanny will have to balance caring for their own child and the employer’s children. You might also want to pay less as an acknowledgment of the fact that your caregiver is saving money by not spending on child care of their own.
Still, offering the benefit alongside a pay cut isn’t something agencies generally advise family employers do. “We do not recommend that the wage be lower for nannies who bring their own children to work,” says Provinziano. “The nanny is still providing the same level of care and should be compensated for that professional service.”
Alyssa Drewniak, a mom of a 5-year-old and a nanny in Tampa, Florida agrees, noting that her pay has never been lowered as a result of bringing her son to work. “My pay is always based on my education, experience and job specifics,” she says, “and bringing my child along doesn’t change those factors.”
5. Talk about shared vs. separate supplies
You’ll want to lay out certain ground rules on kids’ supplies — like wipes — and gear — like strollers or high chairs. What will be shared, and what must remain separate?
Depending on the children’s ages, you might happen to have duplicates that your nanny can use for their child. “For example, if your nanny is bringing a high chair-aged child, do you have extras of things you’d like them to use when she’s bringing her child or is there a spot in your garage for her to store her stroller or store her high chair?” asks Davis. “If your nanny is bringing in a baby, she needs to change the diaper. Is it cool if she uses your diaper changing table or do you want her to bring a Pack ‘n Play diaper changing station — or use different sheets?”
Meal- and snacktimes raise questions as well. For instance, should the nanny bring in food or snacks for their child and keep it in your fridge?
“There are a lot of small things like this that seem not important enough to bring up, but then when they happen, someone might get upset,” says Davis. “The more you’re able to imagine what some of those things might be and communicate about them, the easier it will be for everyone.”
6. Offer a trial run
There’s no harm in simply giving the arrangement a shot and seeing how it goes. Perhaps you try it for a week or for one day. “Sometimes, it needs to be a ‘let’s see if it can work’ situation,” notes Davis.
At the same time, you’ll want to have a solid understanding of what the consequences are if it doesn’t work out, she says. Does that mean your nanny is going to have to quit because it’s the only child care option they have? If that’s the case, can you reach a compromise — say, a set number of days per week or only when the nanny’s primary caregiver isn’t available? Ask yourself what the compromises are that will make everyone feel comfortable.
7. Formalize your agreement — then keep communicating
If you end up giving your nanny the go-ahead to bring their child to work, be sure to get all the parameters in writing. “We always recommend families and nannies have a formal work agreement that clearly outlines compensation, schedules, benefits, duties and household rules and expectations,” says Provinziano. “This is even more important when a nanny is bringing a child to work.”
Then, schedule time for regular, child-free communication with your caregiver. “Maintaining an open dialogue about what’s working and what’s not working is incredibly important,” adds Provinziano. “It’s a relationship like any other and sure to have its ups and downs.”
Davis recommends that family employers do a weekly check-in with nannies to make sure that the kids are getting along and any issues that have recently popped up are addressed STAT.
8. Recognize the long-term, positive impact of the benefit for the nanny — and your family
Not only will your caregiver be saving on the tremendous expense of child care — or simply the stress that goes hand-in-hand with coordinating supervision by a family member — but they’ll recognize the value of the benefit over the long-run.
“I will say that it’s fairly unusual for families to be 100% comfortable with their nanny bringing their child to work,” notes Davis. “Nannies are aware of this, and if they’re able to find a family who will let them bring their child to work, that would be challenging for them to find again.” Therefore, making it possible for them to bring their child to work could serve as an insurance policy that you won’t have to go hunting for a new caregiver anytime soon.
The bottom line, according to Davis: “Especially right now because there is a huge child care emergency in the country, if you can find a way to feel comfortable with allowing your caregiver to bring their child to work, you’re creating a pretty unique environment for your nanny to stay with your family for a long time.”
