In some cases, leaving a caregiving job is a difficult decision; other times, it can feel like no brainer. But no matter how good — or bad — a working situation has been, it’s smart to keep things professional during your exit.
While there’s a personal element to caregiving jobs that’s matched in no other profession, when it comes to quitting, the way to go is short, sweet and sans emotion. “You want to stay out of the weeds when you’re leaving your job as a babysitter or nanny,” says Michelle LaRowe Conover, lead educator at Global Nanny Training. “It is not the time to rehash the details of what went wrong during your employment with the family. Keep your notice professional and to-the-point and document your projected last day of work.”
From preparing to having the conversation to what to do on your last day, here’s how the experts advise leaving a caregiving job.
Steps to take before giving your notice
Once you’ve made your decision, do these things before speaking with your employer.
Sort through your emotions
Before you sort through the logistics, it’s important to sort through your personal feelings.
“Nannies have valid reasons to leave a job, but doing so may create strong emotions — sadness at leaving the children, anger if the situation has deteriorated or just exhaustion from burn out,” says Lynn Ziefle, a career counselor at the U.S. Nanny Institute. “But it’s important to keep things professional, and ideally, leave on good terms.”
One way to prevent an emotionally-charged departure is to journal about how you’re feeling before you give notice. “Take a few minutes and write,” says Elizabeth Malson, executive director of the U.S. Nanny Association. “Departing a nanny job often comes with strong feelings since caregivers get very connected to the children in their care, so journaling can be a powerful tool for working through thoughts and emotions.”
Put yourself in your employer’s shoes
After making sense of your own feelings, Malson advises trying to put yourself in the family’s shoes, as it can give you insight to the bigger picture.
“After some self reflection, take a minute to review the situation from the viewpoint of the family,” she says. “For instance, if you don’t have a work agreement in place that outlines departure expectations, will leaving on short notice create a significant hardship if they don’t have backup care?”
Looking at the situation from all angles will help you approach things fairly and objectively.
Consult your work agreement (if you have one)
“When giving notice, you’ll want to refer back to your written work agreement and follow the terms that you’ve agreed on,” explains LaRowe Conover. “Typically nannies are expected to give two weeks’ notice and provide written notification of that notice.”
If you don’t have a work agreement — or it doesn’t outline expectations for leaving — Malson recommends providing “the standard two week notice.” She adds: “Unless there are extreme circumstances, it’s unprofessional to quit without notice.”
“Unless there are extreme circumstances, it’s unprofessional to quit without notice.”
— Elizabeth Malson, executive director of the U.S. Nanny Association
While you may be mentally checked out of your job and itching to move on, giving two weeks doesn’t only behoove your employer, it behooves you. “When leaving a job, it’s important not to burn bridges, as local communities can be small and word of mouth is powerful,” Ziefle says. Put another way: Leaving a family high and dry isn’t a reputation you want to precede you.
Tips for having the conversation
Once you’ve unpacked your emotions and referenced your work agreement, it’s time for the conversation. While, no doubt, it’s not anyone’s favorite activity, there are a number of ways to make the best of it.
Do it face-to-face — and in writing
Texting may be the new talking, but when it comes to leaving a caregiving job, LaRowe Conover says “don’t give your notice via text or over the phone.”
In addition to telling your employer you’re leaving, LaRowe Conover says to “provide a formal, written letter of your resignation so that your notice is officially documented.”
“Ideally, provide this on your last day of work for the week, so that the family has time to process notification of your resignation before you return to work,” she adds.
Don’t overpromise
In addition to being “sure to follow the terms of your written agreement,” LaRowe Conover says, don’t make any promises you can’t keep. “For instance, don’t agree to be their Friday night sitter if you really don’t want to work for the family again,” she explains.
“When leaving a job, it’s important not to burn bridges, as local communities can be small and word of mouth is powerful.”
— Lynn Ziefle, career counselor at the U.S. Nanny Institute
Be ready for them to let you go
Even if you’ve agreed to stay on for two more weeks, LaRowe says it’s wise to “be prepared for the parents to let you go immediately and pay out your notice in lieu of having you work” — an almost-exact scenario that happened to Liz Hernandez, a nanny in New York City.
“The day after I gave my notice, the family called me to tell me not to come in that Monday,” she says. “They had found someone new and wanted to start training them immediately. I was paid, but not being able to spend those last two weeks with the kids was pretty sad.”
Stick to the issue at hand
You may have a litany of reasons you’re leaving, but you don’t have to list them. In fact, it’s best you don’t.
“Nannies don’t have to give the employer a reason for leaving, and ultimately, it’s best to keep these conversations short,” Ziefle says. “If the departure is difficult for the nanny or employers, don’t elaborate or make a challenging situation worse. The goal is to professionally exit, and ideally, get a letter of recommendation.”
“It can be tempting to outline your rationale for giving notice, but don’t,” LaRowe Conover adds. “In addition to being unprofessional, you are providing information that the family may disclose to others, including a potential employer during a reference call.”
“It can be tempting to outline your rationale for giving notice, but don’t.”
— Michelle LaRowe Conover, lead educator, Global Nanny Training
Remember: It’s not the time to resolve issues
While being matter-of-fact “may feel distant and dry, when it comes to giving notice, it’s the right way to be,” notes to LaRowe Conover, who adds: “If you’ve haven’t resolved your workplace issues by the time you are giving notice, you certainly aren’t going to while doing so.”
Again, your best bet is to work out your emotions beforehand and then leave them out of the equation during the conversation. “Really, you don’t need to say much more than: ‘Please accept this letter as notification of my resignation, effective on March 1. Thank you for the opportunity to work for your family,’” LaRowe Conover says.
Wrapping up loose ends
Be sure to tie up the following before going your separate ways.
Return personal items
If you’ve been with a family long enough, there’s a good chance you have a number of personal items of theirs, such as a car seat or a spare set of keys. Have a plan in place for returning these things.
“During your initial conversation, you can ask when and how they would like any car seats or other equipment to be returned,” Ziefle says. By doing this, you can avoid unnecessary trips back to their home, and you won’t leave them without something they may need.
Work out your final payment
According to Malson, a “simple, factual statement in writing is the best way to ask for final payment.” This can be done when you hand in your written resignation. Here’s a to-the-point example she gives: “Having worked [X] hours this week, can you please confirm I will receive payment of [X amount of dollars] by [date]?”
Ziefle notes that your final payment “should be in the same manner and time as all other payments.”
Work out your references
In addition to leaving a job with your last paycheck, it’s also “customary for parents to provide a letter of reference, which you can ask in advance to be prepared for your last day,” according to LaRowe Conover.
“If you’re going to want to work as a nanny again, chances are, you’ll need that reference,” she says. “Remain professional and take the high road throughout the process to ensure the likelihood of retaining a positive review.”
Something else to keep in mind: You’re not the only one who should be keeping things classy during your final days. “Leaving a job is often challenging for everyone,” Ziefle says. “How well nannies and employers navigate the transition demonstrates their professionalism as both an employee and an employer.”
