The key to success as a nanny? Finding that perfect family fit, says Martha K., a nanny of more than 10 years in the San Francisco Bay Area.
Martha says she had an immediate connection with the twin girls who she nannies today, despite knowing another family better at the time who she was also interviewing with. She felt an innate sense of comfort and openness with the twins and their parents that she’d rarely felt with her previous family.
Martha took a few minutes out of her busy day to share some of her tips for picking the best-fit family and creating a strong nanny-parent relationship.
Assess how family members treat each other to get a sense of how they’ll treat you
When figuring out whether a family might be a good fit, one thing many nannies don’t think about is the relationships among the family members, Martha says. She suggests paying attention to how the parents interact with each other or how the children react to the father, to get a sense for how they might treat you as an employee.
During one interview, she recounts, the mom came in halfway through and rushed past her whole family without so much as a hello. To Martha, this was a red flag. “I want to be able to see that the family has a bond. If they are not respectful or loving to each other and they are family, I might not be treated well at all,” she says.
Today, Martha’s situation is a positive one, but it wasn’t always that way. With her previous family, Martha wasn’t receiving her pay on time, and then the family took a trip without telling her about it.
“It made me feel like I didn’t matter,” Martha says.
There were also constant disagreements about how to pay for the gas Martha was purchasing to shuttle the kids around. Because they only had an oral agreement, Martha had nothing to point to and often felt like she got the short end of the stick. After the trip incident, Martha decided the environment wasn’t what she was looking for and that it was time to move on.
Now, she says, she always makes sure to establish a written contract with any new families. Even if she had had a written agreement with this particular family, though, Martha thinks she still would’ve left because the dynamic just wasn’t there.
Don’t be afraid to set your own boundaries with parents
Parents will relay their rules to you, but you can set your own rules, too. For instance, many parents work from home these days. When that happens, Martha lets families know that if she’s there too, she has to be seen as the adult in charge. “Otherwise I might as well not be here,” she says.
“[Parents can] have an input,” she says, “it doesn’t need to be good cop, bad cop. But if I say no to something and the kids come and ask you, refer them to me. I don’t want them to come to you to overrule me. Then I don’t have a standing.”
She says that being upfront about this has been met with respect by parents she’s worked with.
Be adaptable — every family and child is different
For Martha, it’s important to be flexible and up for new experiences. “Not every family is going to want to do the same things or have the same needs,” she says. “You have to be open to what the family loves to do but then push them to try something new.”
Martha recalls how she went from nannying for a family of boys who wanted to be outside all day to a family of girls who preferred more indoor time. After allowing the girls time to play with their toys at home, she would then set up short trips outside the house — but would agree that the girls could leave if they didn’t like something.
“No matter how long I’ve worked, I’m always open to learning,” she says. “To get better, I need to be open to learning new things. Don’t be so rigid about how you’ve always done things.”
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On the Park Bench is a series that spotlights caregivers and their stories. Have an interesting story to share? Email our community manager.
