When it comes to discipling kids, there are a million and one tactics available to parents, caregivers and child care workers. And while nothing is a slam dunk for everyone (or even for the same kid all the time), one option to consider is negative punishment.
While the name may sound extreme, negative punishment simply is “the removal of something enjoyable to decrease an unwanted behavior,” explains Courtney Morgan, a licensed professional clinical counselor and founder of Counseling Unconditionally in Louisville, Kentucky. (In fact, you may have already employed this technique without knowing it if you’ve taken away video games after your child talks back or fails to complete their chores.)
Here, experts break down the meaning of negative punishment, offer real-life examples and share the possible benefits and drawbacks of the behavior tactic.
What is negative punishment?
Negative punishment is a behavior tactic where parents, caregivers, teachers, coaches, etc. remove something desirable from a child in an effort to curb unwanted behavior.
Based on psychologist B.F. Skinner’s “operant conditioning” learning theory, negative punishment “is the consequence of taking something away that’s preferred or reinforcing,” explains Andrea Marano, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in family wellness in Yonkers, New York. “This can range from an exciting toy or activity, the ability to attend something that is fun for them or removing parental attention by planned ignoring.”
How is negative punishment different from positive punishment?
Negative punishment differs from positive punishment in that, with the latter, parents and caregivers add something negative, such as reprimanding the child, after the child does something “bad,” as opposed to subtracting an item, activity or privilege.
Examples of negative punishment
Ultimately, it’s up to parents to determine what punishment fits what crime, but here, Marano and Morgan offer common negative punishment examples, for reference.
1. Planned ignoring
Ignoring unwanted behavior is a tactic often employed by parents and caregivers when kids continually whine, interrupt or generally act disruptive. “Ignoring a child until they stop the behavior is an example of negative punishment,” Marano explains. “It’s eliminating the access and attention they usually get from parents, caregivers and teachers.”
A note on ignoring: When ignoring an unwanted behavior that appears to be intended to get your attention, be sure to do the opposite when the child does the “right” thing. “It is important to be overly attentive when the child is correcting themselves or displaying a more appropriate behavior,” Marano says. “Otherwise, they may struggle to make the connection.”
2. Timeouts
According to the scientific basics of Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), giving a child a timeout is considered a form of negative punishment, as it is “removing a stimulus in order to decrease a behavior.”
Timeouts are not for every family (in fact, the practice has become controversial in recent years), but, according to Tom Phelan, a registered clinical psychologist and author of “1-2-3 Magic,” if you do go the timeout route, keep it to about one minute per year of your child’s age. Timeouts, he notes, should only be in accordance with a child’s age, lasting brief periods.
3. Removing an item
Another example, according to Morgan, is “taking away a favorable toy if a child is engaging in undesirable behavior.” A typical time to employ this specific tactic for little kids would be if a child hits someone with the toy or if two siblings are arguing over the item.
For older kids, Morgan continues, it may look like “taking away video games because a child refuses to get off their device when asked.”
4. Removing an activity
When it comes to older kids, Morgan explains, one of the more common negative punishment practices is grounding, which, ultimately, is restricting access to activities.
“If parents don’t allow a teen to go out on the weekend because they are failing their classes, that’s negative punishment,” she explains.
“If parents don’t allow a teen to go out on the weekend because they are failing their classes, that’s negative punishment.”
— Courtney Morgan, licensed professional clinical counselor
5. Removing a privilege
Privileges, more or less, are equivalent to “toys”and “activities” for older kids — “think not being able to access screens or their phone for a period of time,” Marano says. (Another example? Access to the family car.)
In 2012, one mom gained internet fame when she reset and withheld her home Wi-Fi password until her kids did their chores. This is a perfect example of negative punishment in today’s high-tech world.
Pros and cons of negative punishment
While research has found that negative punishment can, in some cases, be effective at curtailing certain behaviors some of the time, it’s not without its flaws. Here are the pros and cons, according to Marano.
Pros
Simply put, it works and it’s simple (on the front end). “If done effectively, it can be a great way to nip unwanted behavior in the bud,” Marano says. “It also can be less emotionally taxing in the moment and can allow for space and time to decompress while still maintaining the boundary.” She adds, “When implemented with consistency and fairness, it can be very easy to understand the cause and effect.”
Cons
It’s not always easy to stick with it (and consistency in all things parenting is key!). “This type of discipline can sometimes be difficult to sustain as it may impede the convenience of the parent,” notes Marano. An example: You always let your child watch a show when you cook dinner. You take away the show and now it’s difficult to cook dinner.
Tips for effectively practicing negative punishment
If you’re eager to test out negative punishment, or rework your current approach, here are tips for utilizing this tactic effectively.
1. Make sure you’re taking away something that’s reinforcing.
Put bluntly, it has to sting. “Taking away a toy your child has been showing less interest in may not get you the same result as taking away a toy they really love,” explains Marano.
2. Communicate.
Sure, it’s easier to simply revoke a privilege or take away a toy, but by doing that alone, kids aren’t getting the full picture — and they don’t necessarily know what they’re supposed to be doing instead.
“When you take something away, it is important to communicate why, how they can get it back and how to prevent it from happening again,” Marano says. “Punishment without communication is not as effective in preventing unwanted behavior and may encourage it to keep happening.”
“Punishment without communication is not as effective in preventing unwanted behavior and may encourage it to keep happening.”
— Andrea Marano, licensed clinical social worker
You can also, Morgan explains, essentially narrate what you’re doing while you’re doing it.
“For example, you may say, ‘It looks like you’re distracted by this car. I am going to take it away until we’re finished with this activity.’ Or, ‘I’ve noticed you’re struggling to get off of the computer when it is time to do so. Unfortunately, you have lost your computer privileges for the weekend. We will try this again next weekend.’” This, she notes, helps further explain the ‘why’ behind the consequence given.
3. Be consistent.
If you’re going to use negative punishment, it can’t be one and done — it needs to teach cause and effect, which can only be done when used consistently. “It is important for children to know that this negative punishment will occur each and every time they engage in the undesirable behavior,” explains Morgan.
4. Set realistic expectations.
Set your kids up to win, not fail. For instance, don’t expect your 4-year-old to stay in their bedroom the entire night if, typically, they’re up 10 times. “It can be really harmful to set unattainable expectations, as this leads to frustration, resentment, or sadness,” Morgan says. “These emotions then negatively impact our ability to make good choices.”
The bottom line
Nothing is one-size-fits-all when it comes to behavior and discipline tactics, but by being consistent, realistic and communicative, negative punishment can help curtail unwanted behavior.
“Negative punishment works because we are motivated by the enjoyable activity that is threatened to be taken away,” Morgan says. “We tend to discontinue unwanted behavior in order to be able to do what we’d like to do later.”
