Explaining Social and Emotional Learning: Why Children Need It

Even if you’ve never heard the term social-emotional learning (SEL), chances are you’re familiar with and even applying many of the skills associated with this educational method. “Social and emotional learning includes the skills that we use in our daily lives that help us understand ourselves, work with other people and get things done,” explains Dr. Cailin Currie, a developmental psychologist and researcher for Second Step, a social-emotional learning program used in Pre-K-12 schools.

While SEL has been studied by researchers for decades, it’s becoming more widely known among parents, caregivers and educators, and the experts we interviewed agree these skills make a major difference in young people’s ability to thrive inside and outside the classroom. Here’s some expert insight so you can start teaching and modeling these skills for children from the time they’re toddlers.

Social and emotional learning (SEL) is an educational approach that focuses on building the emotional intelligence and interpersonal skills essential for personal and professional success. It emphasizes the importance of understanding and managing emotions, setting and achieving goals, showing empathy for others, establishing positive relationships, and making responsible decisions.

“The formal definition is that SEL is the process through which young people develop essential life skills like communication, problem-solving and managing stress,” says Currie.

“SEL is the process through which young people develop essential life skills like communication, problem-solving and managing stress.”
— DR. CAILIN CURRIE, DEVELOPMENTAL PSYCHOLOGIST AND RESEARCHER

When children and other people learn social and emotional skills, they can apply them toward many common pursuits, such as making friends and working toward goals, that can help them in school, extracurriculars, at work and throughout their lives. First, however, we have to recognize that these skills need to be explicitly taught in the first place.

According to Steve Mesler, a former Olympic gold medalist and co-founder of Classroom Champions, a nonprofit that supports schools in teaching social-emotional learning to students, this may require a shift in thinking. Rather than viewing traits like “hardworking” or “gets along well with others” as inherent qualities that someone simply has or lacks, SEL teaches us to view them as skills that anyone can work on and develop.

“Just because somebody doesn’t have one of these skills yet doesn’t mean that they’re a bad person,” says Mesler, who is also a parent of two. “It means they need to practice them.”

“Just because somebody doesn’t have one of these skills yet doesn’t mean that they’re a bad person. It means they need to practice them.”
— STEVE MESLER, CO-FOUNDER, CLASSROOM CHAMPIONS

Decades of research has found that a strong foundation of SEL not only helps children achieve academic goals but empowers them in all areas of life.

For example, a meta-analysis of 213 school-based SEL programs showed that participants demonstrated significantly improved social and emotional skills and behavior, as well as an 11-percentile-point gain in academic performance. Other studies show that children who are socially and emotionally competent have more friends, feel happier and are less likely to be bullied.

Currie says SEL and academic success go hand in hand: “If you can’t follow directions and focus on the teacher, or if you can’t get along with your peers, or make good decisions, you’re not going to learn math.”

Moreover, Amanda Justice, a licensed clinical social worker who works with youth, says that the ability to manage emotions is a key life skill. “If you can understand your emotions well,” she explains, “then it’s easier to have healthy relationships with others.”

“If you can understand your emotions well, then it’s easier to have healthy relationships with others.”
— AMANDA JUSTICE, LICENSED CLINICAL SOCIAL WORKER

There are five core competencies of SEL, which Currie breaks down as follows:

Self-awareness. “This is about understanding your emotions and how they influence behavior, which includes recognizing your strengths and building confidence and self-esteem.”
Self-management. “The ability to regulate your emotions and your behaviors in different situations and manage stress effectively.”
Responsible decision-making. “Being able to identify problems, analyze situations and make positive choices.”
Social awareness. “The ability to understand other people, get along with them and take their perspective.”
Relationship skills. “What you need to establish and maintain healthy relationships, including communicating, listening, cooperating, resolving conflict and resisting negative pressure.”

For very young children, SEL might be as simple as talking about their feelings and helping them put a name to them, says Justice.

For school-aged youths, this learning might be a more complex process and require building skills upon skills. Mesler uses the example of wanting to ace a math test:

First, you have to recognize the short-term goals within the bigger one: doing homework, listening in class and eating and sleeping well to maintain energy. You might need to study with other students, requiring social skills and patience.
Meanwhile, you have to understand that the work is hard and that you might encounter frustration while learning. This requires practicing perseverance and channeling negative feelings into the desire to learn more, all of which relates to self-management and responsible decision-making.
Finally, you need to cope with mistakes and failure and see that as part of the learning process.

All the experts we spoke with emphasized that teaching children about SEL starts with modeling healthy behavior ourselves. For example, parents and caregivers can:

Encourage kids to talk about their feelings, including negative ones. The goal isn’t to instantly cheer them up but rather to truly listen to them and help them understand how emotions manifest in the mind and body.
Talk about your own feelings, too. You can say something like, “I was sad today, so here’s how I dealt with that.”
Celebrate wins and setbacks. Mesler says that when his daughter falls during their skiing lessons, he cheers to remind her that falling equals learning.
Share your achievements and failures. It’s not enough to simply model success and achievement for children, advises Mesler. “Show them that the only way we get better is either by achieving or failing, and that it’s about understanding why we failed, reassessing and moving forward.”

Schools interested in implementing SEL can turn to programs such as Second Step and Classroom Champions, or seek resources and curriculum guidelines online. There are also many social and emotional learning activities to help build these skills that can be practiced right at home.

Teaching and modeling social emotional skills can be hard if we weren’t properly taught them ourselves. In fact, it’s very common for adults to still struggle with things like managing emotions and accepting failure, says Justice.

“Parents and caregivers might have to do their own work of being comfortable and recognizing their emotions before they can help young ones,” advises Justice. “Historically, it is not common for people to be sitting at the table saying, ‘Let’s talk about our feelings.’ But I think we’re getting better at this. Everybody’s talking about going to therapy and being able to recognize our feelings.”