As a nanny, you’ve been through it all – poopsplosions, toddler tantrums, runny noses, projectile vomit and to top it off – slime! You can handle many of life’s unsavory moments. But, there’s bound to be a breaking point in any nanny’s career.
According to a Nannytax survey of more than 500 nannies, says Kirsty Wild, a nanny payroll expert at the company, 41% of nannies surveyed have considered a career change in the past two years and an additional 22% considered finding a new family to work with. Among the reasons nannies list for leaving their jobs, according to Wild, are low wages, health concerns and unresolvable disagreements with the family.
Feeling hot and cold about your current nanny gig? Your instincts might be trying to warn you. Here are the seven most common on-the-job red flags experts and former nannies say you should never ignore.
1. The maid treatment
A nanny’s No. 1 priority is to care for the children, not to clean the house. Prior to becoming the founder of All Natural Mothering, Nancy Arulraj worked as a nanny. “The client would ask for tasks to be completed that would fall well outside the remit of child care duties, such as tidying up the children’s bedrooms, creating homework schedules and preparing their lunches for the next day,” says Arulraj.
Elizabeth Malson, president of the U.S. Nanny Institute says, “If parents want the nanny to spend 80% of their time in child care and teaching the child through play and activities, then very few housekeeping tasks can be done. If parents want the nanny to spend 50% of their time on child care and are OK with the child having screen time, then the nanny can have more housekeeping duties.”
“If parents want the nanny to spend 80% of their time in child care and teaching the child through play and activities, then very few housekeeping tasks can be done.”
— ELIZABETH MALSON, PRESIDENT, U.S. NANNY INSTITUTE
According to Wild, 10% of nannies surveyed claim that the amount of additional housework and cleaning was disproportionate to the amount of child care responsibilities. If you’re finding that the extra household chores are taking priority over your time spent with the children and your employer is not willing to decrease these duties, it might be time to step away.
2. Poor communication
Whether you keep a shared journal, logging the days’ activities like meals, diaper changes and nap times, or if you prefer a running text thread with the family, it is imperative to keep the lines of communication open with the parent.
“It is important to communicate periodically with your employer,” says Laura Schroeder, co-president of the International Nanny Association. “Set up a regular time to check in at least monthly to go over things that both nanny and employer can do to improve the relationship.”
“Like any healthy employer-employee relationship, communication is paramount,” Wild agrees, adding, “But it’s a rather different dynamic — the nanny is bringing up the children in their working hours, then handing over to the parents when their shift ends. So both parties have to be on the same page with regards to house rules, discipline, nutrition and so much more. Checking in regularly with one another is absolutely critical.”
“Like any healthy employer-employee relationship, communication is paramount.”
— KIRSTY WILD, NANNY PAYROLL EXPERT
When a strong line of communication ceases (or fails to exist), it wears on the caregiver-to-parent relationship, and it makes it hard to do your job with success. This might be an indication that it’s time to move on.
3. Toxic work environment
Some nannies may be willing to tolerate a somewhat unsatisfactory working relationship with a parent because they have developed a close bond with the children and they enjoy working with them. However, it’s important to know when to draw the line and look for a different job.
This was the case for nanny Cassandra Ignatowicz of York, South Carolina. “I discovered that the client I was nannying for was being unfaithful to their spouse,” she explains. “While their marital issues are none of my concern, when I was asked to lie for them, I became very uncomfortable,” says Ignatowicz. “It is our job and joy to watch other people’s children, but not to the point of twisting our morals or placing ourselves in an uncomfortable situation.”
4. Not being paid overtime
A big red flag in the nanny industry is an employer who takes advantage of your time, whether purposefully or absent-mindedly. And if they also don’t pay you for those extra hours, it might be time to move on. In one of Arulraj’s nanny jobs, she says, “The client would always arrive back much later than agreed upon and never offer to pay overtime,” says Arulraj.
“Your time should be respected just as much as theirs,” adds Ignatowicz.
“Your time should be respected just as much as theirs.”
— CASSANDRA IGNATOWICZ, NANNY
If she could do it all over again, Arulraj says, “I would adopt a simple timesheet for the client to sign upon returning home after each shift. This would have avoided any unpleasantries.”
Every nanny should know the rules around overtime pay and be sure to set clear boundaries about working past agreed-upon times; however, if an employer refuses to play by the basic rules, their job probably isn’t for you.
Related: Every nanny needs a contract — and here’s what should be in yours
5. Work dread
“The hands-on training involved in becoming a nanny means most go into the job with plenty of experience and their eyes wide open,” Wild explains, “so it’s quite rare to meet a nanny who’s in the wrong career.” That said, if you are dreading going to work day after day, take the time to consider if there’s something you can change. “There’s usually a situation unfolding that can be fixed with some honesty, sensitivity and communication,” says Wild.
“Nannies need to speak up in a professional manner and make their needs known,” says Schroeder. “I’ve found that many employers have no idea that their nannies are unhappy or feeling unappreciated,”.
If you tried speaking up to your employer — whether it’s about poor communication, unrealistic expectations or rarely getting recognition for a job well done — this position may not be worth the angst. As Wild says, “It could be a personality clash and, in that case, it may be time to find a new role.”
Malson, however, adds another perspective, stating that if you are dreading going to work, taking a break from nannying may be your best option, “If a nanny is burnt out, it’s best to admit it and leave the nanny industry for a bit and come back to it later.”
6. Inadequate paid time off
According to a 2022 survey conducted by Built In, 63% of employees say they would not even consider taking a job if it offered less than 15 paid days off in a year. Being a nanny is physically demanding and mentally taxing, so taking personal time off is necessary to recharge. If you aren’t given adequate time off and being paid for it — for both sick days and personal or vacation time — then you are being taken for granted.
“Parents who know their nanny is an asset to their family will usually bend over backwards to accommodate requests for absences, even if it’s a logistical challenge,” says Wild.
The amount of paid time off that you are entitled to depends on whether you work full time or part time, according to Wild. For a full-time nanny, this could mean up to 28 paid days off annually, including holidays.
“If working full time for a family,” advises Malson, “nannies should get two weeks of paid time off, as well as some paid holidays. We recommend vacation days accrue with tenure such that nannies earn one week of paid vacation every six months.”
Know your value — if your employer is not willing to offer you paid time off, it might be time to find one who will.
Related: 14 benefits to consider negotiating into your nanny contract
7. Blatant disrespect
With over a decade of positive nanny experiences, Julie R. from Cherry Hill, New Jersey was surprised to experience a client who treated her poorly. “The client treated me terribly like I was a second-class citizen. The children were mean and privileged and disrespected me as well,” Julie R. recalls. Being belittled and undervalued ultimately led the nanny to resign.
Malson encourages nannies to remember their deal breakers. “No job is perfect, but every job should be respectful,” adds Malson.
The ultimate red flag for a nanny, according to Schroeder? “If an employer is repeatedly disrespecting the nanny despite their efforts to communicate professionally, then it’s time to look for a new position.”
How a nanny contract can help you avoid future issues
Jobs don’t always work out. It can happen to any professional nanny along the way for any number of reasons. One of the best ways to avoid surprises in the future? After discussing the details of the job and the employer’s expectations, work together to put it all in writing in a nanny contract.
