Even though it’s inevitable, hearing a baby cry can be brutal for parents and caregivers — especially when any efforts to soothe prove futile. Crying babies can also feel downright mysterious. Should you feed a baby every time they cry? Should you let a newborn cry? When should you stop picking up a crying baby?! The questions are endless, no matter how many times you’ve cared for a little one.
While unsettling and frustrating in the moment, crying babies, newborns especially, are par for the course. “It’s important for parents and caregivers to remember, crying in a baby is normal,” says Dr. Jamee Walters, a pediatrician at Orlando Health Arnold Palmer Hospital for Children. “It is also their way to communicate.”
If a baby continues to cry after they’ve been fed, burped, changed and had all of their needs met, Dr. Wendy Sue Swanson, a pediatrician and chief medical officer at SpoonfulONE, notes that it’s pointless to spend all of your energy determining the why behind the cry. “Unfortunately, you likely won’t find the answer,” she says. “Instead, spend time figuring out what helps” — which may include walking away for a bit.
Wondering if you should pick a baby up every time they cry? Here, experts weigh in.
What should you check first if a baby is crying?
According to Swanson, the first thing parents and caregivers should do is check to make sure baby’s basic needs have been met. When a baby starts crying, she recommends asking yourself the following:
- Are they fed and/or burped?
- Do they have a dry, clean diaper?
- Are they in appropriate clothing (not too hot/cold)?
- Are they sick or feverish?
- Are they at an age when crying accelerates (1-2 months old)?
What if baby is still crying?
If baby is still crying after all their basic needs have checked out, Swanson and Walters offer the following soothing suggestions:
- Rocking.
- Holding.
- Walking outside.
- Taking a stroller ride.
- Taking a car ride.
- Offering a pacifier.
- Singing.
- Using a white noise machine or running a faucet of water for white noise.
- Changing baby’s position.
- Changing rooms.
- Baby-wearing.
- Putting baby in a swing.
And if nothing works, Walters and Swanson recommend taking a breather. “Breaks are key. Put the baby down for a break in their crib if you’ve done everything you can and baby won’t stop crying,” Swanson says. “This space can provide a break for both of you. What’s most important is that you, as a caregiver, find soothing in times of stress, too.”
“Breaks are key. Put the baby down for a break in their crib if you’ve done everything you can and baby won’t stop crying.”
— DR. WENDY SUE SWANSON, PEDIATRICIAN
“Crying won’t hurt the baby,” Walters adds. “Place them in a crib or bassinet, walk away and go to a different room or area. It is OK to take a moment to give yourself a break because a crying baby can be very frustrating. Take some time to do breathing exercises, listen to music or call a friend. If you come back after five to 10 minutes and the baby is still crying, try going through all the soothing techniques again.”
How long is it OK to let a baby cry?
According to Walters, there is “no set time” for letting a baby cry. Instead, there are a variety of factors that come into play. “When it comes to crying, it depends on the age and whether or not you think something is seriously wrong,” Walters says. “Most typical babies will cry for a total of two hours a day, but not all at once.”
“Most typical babies will cry for a total of two hours a day, but not all at once.”
— DR. JAMEE WALTERS, PEDIATRICIAN
Swanson offers a more concrete time frame. “I usually say allow about 10-15 minutes for crying,” she says. “Not all crying will stop, especially with high criers, but after babies can self-soothe with their hands and bodies, which happens between 4-6 months, then it’s OK to let babies learn to stop crying without you from time to time.”
“However,” she continues, “If a baby is at least 6 months of age and you are working on sleep training, you may extend these crying windows a longer time.”
Looking to start sleep training? Here are tips for getting your child to sleep through the night.
Should you let a newborn cry?
Swanson explains that crying time generally starts to accelerate from 2 weeks of age and peaks at around 6 to 8 weeks, “dramatically improving after about 3-4 months of age.” During this time, it’s OK to let a baby cry for small periods of time, so long as you’re sure all their needs have been met.
“I would say it’s OK to let a baby cry for a few minutes and especially for five to 10 minutes if parents or caregivers need a break or are frustrated,” Swanson says. “Also, keep in mind, not all crying can be soothed since crying is a part of early infancy. While soothing techniques should always be tried, some babies will continue to cry despite any efforts to calm them down.”
“Keep in mind, not all crying can be soothed since crying is a part of early infancy.”
— DR. WENDY SUE SWANSON
And if a baby is crying and the only way to stop it is by picking them up, that’s OK. “I like to remind parents and caregivers that they won’t spoil a baby by picking them up,” Walters says.
“I like to remind parents and caregivers that they won’t spoil a baby by picking them up.”
— DR. JAMEE WALTERS
“Whenever my baby had a crying jag, I put her in the baby carrier and it more or less stopped,” says mom of one Kesha Thompson of New York City. “In part, it was for my own benefit because it was so hard to hear her cry!”
When should a doctor be called for excessive crying?
While crying is normal for babies, there are times that a call to the doctor is warranted. Here’s when you should call the pediatrician for crying, according to Swanson and Walters:
- Excessive crying under 2 months. “If a baby is crying and alarming you and under 2 months of age, I recommend you check in with their pediatrician,” Swanson says.
- Constant crying for more than three-hour periods. “You can also discuss this with your pediatrician, but know that your baby may just be a high crier, especially if it’s during common peaks in crying between 1-3 months of age,” she adds.
- A fever. “If a newborn has a fever of 100.4F or higher, you should go to the ER,” Walters says.
- Appearing ill. “If you think the infant is sick, in pain, vomiting or lethargic, go to the ER,” Walters adds.
“Remember, you know your baby best so if your gut is telling you something is wrong, call the doctor,” Walters says.
The bottom line
Whether you choose to employ all the soothing tactics or leave a baby in their crib to cry for a short period of time, it’s OK. So long as they’re safe and taken care of, crying won’t harm them and it will give you time to reset.
“If crying goes on for a long time and a parent or caregiver is frustrated, it’s always okay to walk away for a time period to collect yourself,” Swanson says. “But never shake a baby. Put the baby in a crib on their back or in the bassinet and take a break for 10-15 minutes. Have a soda, walk outside, sit on your porch. Your baby will be fine and you’ll do better and have more energy when returning to your baby’s cries.”
