You likely understand why it’s important for kids to stay in their beds at night or clear the table when they’re done eating. However, it can be hard to get kids to understand the “why” and even harder to motivate kids enough to follow suit. Implementing a structured children’s reward system can help you support and motivate kids to modify their behavior with praise and incentives.
Reward systems help teach kids that you can be responsible for your behaviors, and your behaviors lead to certain outcomes, explains Tanya Nichols, a licensed clinical psychologist. What’s more, a reward system can help kids build independence.
Here’s what to know about how a reward system for kids works, how to create a reward system as well as several reward ideas to get started.
What is a reward system for kids?
Reward systems for kids are a structured practice aiming to modify behavior or enforce specific expectations. These systems focus on rewarding good behavior as opposed to shaming for bad behavior. Parents usually agree that core values and behaviors such as respect, responsibility and consistency are worth instilling in children so they can become happy and whole members of society.
Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to get children to exhibit positive behaviors and/or maintain healthy habits. That’s where reward systems come in. Reward systems offer positive reinforcement when a child replaces undesirable habits and behaviors with positive ones. For example, if your child isn’t staying in bed the whole night or not brushing their teeth daily, you might turn it into a reward system to encourage them to adopt the routine.
In this case, the outcomes are either getting the reward or suffering the consequence of not getting the reward. Reward systems prepare kids for life, says Nichols. “Because there [will] always [be] cause and effect or behaviors that lead to certain outcomes,” she points out.
How are reward systems different than bribery?
If you think creating systems that reward behavior is the same as bribery, you’re not alone. It’s one of the most common reasons parents push back on the idea. However, bribery and reward systems are not the same. One of the main differences is the timing, suggests Daniel Rinaldi, a mental health counselor and life coach. Additionally, the intent and motivation between bribery and well-thought-out reward systems differ.
“Bribery often occurs at the moment as a negotiation tool,” he notes. “In contrast, a reward system is pre-established and structured to encourage and support positive behavior over time. Reward systems are proactive, while bribery is reactive.”
For example, if your child is throwing a tantrum in the grocery store, promising them candy if they stop, out of frustration, is akin to bribery. However, if they’re repeating this problematic behavior, you might discuss how good behavior regularly over a set period could earn them the privilege of picking out a special treat while at the store. This would be considered positive reinforcement as opposed to bribery. Whether it’s praise, a gold star or additional privileges, reward systems allow you to be proactive rather than reactive, adds Rinaldi.
What are different types of reward systems for kids?
While you might think rewards need to be the traditional sweet treat or toy, maybe even screen time, rewards for kids can include special playtime, a preferred meal, extra quality time with parents, increased privileges or stickers in addition to praise as a means of positive reinforcement. Meanwhile, modified behaviors that earn them these rewards can range from sharing, cleaning up after yourself, and feeding a pet.
If you’re still drawing a blank, here are six examples of reward systems to get you started.
1. Use visuals
Sticking to core routines and adapting to a new system can be tricky for any age group, but it’s particularly tough for little children.
In turn, Erin Heger, a mom of three kids ranging from ages 1 to 7, makes unpleasant tasks more enjoyable by offering screen time as a reward. “My oldest is autistic and struggles with getting started on tasks he dislikes or finds difficult,” she explains. “That is how we started letting him watch a show in the morning — if he did both his evening and morning routines. We used a picture checklist and helped him through it at first, but now that he’s almost 8, he can do it all on his own.”
The visual checklist helps a child know what’s next in the routine and maintain their focus.
2. Utilize common toys
Incorporating toys kids already enjoy into a reward system can make for a seamless process. In addition to screen time and a visual checklist, Heger also integrated a POP IT fidget as a reward system for her 4- and 7-year-olds. Displaying good behavior such as clearing the table or helping a sibling means they can push a bubble on their POP IT. When the whole POP IT is filled up, they can redeem it for a small gift costing less than $10.
“My oldest is autistic and struggles with getting started on tasks he dislikes or finds difficult. That is how we started letting him watch a show in the morning — if he did both his evening and morning routines. We used a picture checklist and helped him through it at first, but now that he’s almost 8, he can do it all on his own.”
—Erin Heger, a mom of three
3. Track habits on an app, in a notebook or using another special tool
Many adults get a boost of satisfaction from tracking their habits, such as water intake or how often they put their folded laundry away. The same is true for kids. Habitica is a free app that lets you gamify your to-do list or habits by earning avatars and game features for completing everything. Or you can customize rewards that can be earned, like reading a new book or eating ice cream.
Another cute idea: You might also buy coloring pages and put them in a special notebook. Once your child has completed a particular task or behavior, they get to color in a page, and ultimately, they’ll work up to a page displaying their reward, which they’ll then receive.
It also helps to involve the whole family for support when building new habits. Consider having each family member track a shared goal or specific behavior, such as meditation or help in the kitchen, with the reward being a family experience like a trip to the zoo. Throughout the practice, help kids connect the dots between their habits and how it makes them feel in their daily life, suggests Rinaldi.
“Parents [can] integrate opportunities for intrinsic motivation, which helps with feelings of achievement,” says Rinaldi. Making desired behaviors last is a bit easier when kids understand how it makes them feel.
4. Go tech with allowance
In most cases, kids (and parents) live in the digital world. The use of apps can be extremely helpful for small kids and teens who need a little structure and rewards that align with goals. That’s where apps like Smoresup and Greenlight — amongst others — come in. Both are household management apps that allow you to assign, easily track and reward children for specific tasks or responsibilities.
“I rarely had cash on hand, but never had to worry about that when I could instantly transfer money as needed,” notes Jennifer Seitz, mom of three and Director of Education at Greenlight, who signed up for the platform long before she started working for the company. “We assigned their chores for helping around the house and also their regular daily tasks like teacher-assigned reading or music practice.” Aside from the convenience aspect, it helps kids learn about budgeting, money management and investing.
5. “Catch” them being good
Reward kids for impromptu good behavior and displays of kindness with the use of a gem jar, such as the one used on the Beyond Committed blog. Kids will earn gems, which can be found at some toy or craft stores, to be placed in their jar when performing a good deed or practicing admirable judgment. Then, they’ll be able to trade a certain amount of gems for an agreed upon reward.
Similarly, you might try a point system, which works by assigning point value to different rewards such as playing a game, wearing a loved item or an extra snack. The child is awarded “points” throughout the day for meeting whatever expectations or guidelines you set. Similarly, some schools have been using book vending machines and awarding students with tokens to be redeemed for books.
6. Make reading fun again
Parents may have grown up enjoying the Pizza Hut BOOK IT program, for which they’d receive a Pizza Hut coupon after reading a certain amount of books in a month. Now, they can tap into the nostalgia of their younger days by taking a cue from programs at local libraries and bookstores (like Barnes & Noble). Both typically offer reading challenges and rewards for kids in the summer.
Or ditch the boring reading log and invite children to create a comic or video trailer for each portion of a book they can then redeem for a prize. You can also make a reward system that includes reading-centered activities such as creating a reading nook or challenging them to read under the blankets. Shower with praise or a tangible reward once all the activities have been completed.
How to implement a reward system for kids
If a child isn’t taught the significance of a positive behavior, beyond the purpose of gaining something, chances are the habit isn’t going to stick. It’s time to ditch “because I said so.”
“Some parents might feel like, ‘I shouldn’t have to explain myself to a child,’” says Nichols, who notes that it is important to share the rationale for completing a task or chore with your child.
Parents need to be clear about the “why” for any system promoting changed behavior to be effective beyond positive reinforcement and external motivation. The last thing parents want is to create a transactional relationship with their children. It’s not about paying children in exchange for being upstanding human beings.
“If not used thoughtfully, [reward systems] can lead to an overemphasis on material rewards,” says Rinaldi, who notes that parents would do best to pair reward systems with emotional support and recognize their child’s effort.
For example, in addition to the agreed upon reward for making the bed, you might praise the child for the behavior and point out how it feels to keep the bed tidy.
“When designing an age-appropriate rewards system, parents should think about the child’s developmental stage. [Make] sure that rewards are meaningful and attainable for their age.”
—Daniel Rinaldi, a mental health counselor and life coach
A few more expert tips for implementing reward systems:
Consider personal needs and abilities
Pay attention to your child’s motivations, strengths and age. “When designing an age-appropriate rewards system, parents should think about the child’s developmental stage,” says Rinaldi. “[Make] sure that rewards are meaningful and attainable for their age.”
You may expect your child to do laundry, but if it’s not a developmentally appropriate expectation, the reward system will likely fail. It may also be too vague since laundry involves many steps.
Don’t delay rewards
A successful reward system for kids also means making sure it doesn’t take too long to earn. If the reward is a sticker for putting away devices without throwing a tantrum, don’t make them wait a whole week to get the sticker. Offer them praise and a sticker as soon as possible.
Avoid negative reinforcement
Most importantly, there is no blaming, shaming or criticism if they don’t complete the task or behavior as expected. “It is hurtful to the developing child,” says Nichols. “Therefore, it can also be hurtful to the parent-child relationship by creating a wedge. “Not earning the reward is likely punishment enough.”
Reevaluate as needed
Finally, behavior is communication. If the reward system you created isn’t working or your child doesn’t care, it could mean your system is too complex or the reward isn’t motivating. It could also mean some other intervention is needed such as change to their care or behavior plans, Nichols suggests.
The bottom line on creating a children’s reward system
When implemented with intent and without shame, reward systems can hold the key to powerful life lessons. However, the real reward is helping kids see that they have agency over their behavior and outcomes. Plus, they’ll feel pride in seeing how their contributions make a difference while trusting themselves and their relationship with caregivers.
