Modern dads have done away with a lot of stereotypes from the past. While TV sitcoms might show bumbling fathers who can’t figure out how a diaper works, these days, many dads are active caregivers who enjoy spending time with their families and go to great lengths to bust the myth that moms are the default parents. Unfortunately, not everyone has gotten the memo. Many people still cling to outdated and sexist standards when it comes to parenting, and now fed up dads on Reddit are calling them out.
A dad who goes by the username Middle_Pear986 inspired dozens of other men to speak out when he posted that he is sick and tired of people acting like he’s a hero for doing basic activities with his 3-year-old son.
“Whenever I’m out with just my son, people always comment that it’s cute that I’m spending time with my son,” he writes. “People constantly imply that I, as a father, do this as some sort of novelty. He’s my son. We go out and hang. We enjoy each other’s company. I know how to parent, I do it everyday. I’m not just ‘winging it’ or just doing the fun stuff.”
The dad says these comments make him frustrated because people see his engagement with his son as the exception, rather than it being the rule. He writes, “I hear these comments and all I want to do is scream in the person’s face that I parent too!”
Dads aren’t ‘babysitters’
His annoyance resonated with plenty of other dads who say they encounter the same problem all too often.
“I hate this, too,” one dad writes. “At work, I’ll be like, ‘Sorry I’m two minutes late. My kids’ bus was late today,’ and someone will say, ‘Oh, doing the Mr. Mom act! haw-haw.” No … I’m their father, I pick them up from the bus stop because I like them and it’s my responsibility.”
“‘What does mom think?’ was always fun when we were clothes shopping or getting a new hairstyle for one of my girls,” another dad writes. “Mom’s in a halfway house, and believe it or not, I can be a parent too!”
Others mentioned how annoying it is when people imply that dads are “babysitting” their own kids, as if taking care of the kids isn’t really their responsibility.
“I work full time Monday through Friday and my husband works over the weekend and evenings to be able to watch our three daughters since daycare is so expensive,” another person writes. “My mother-in-law constantly applauds him for being a good day-to-day ‘babysitter’. It never fails. He and I have to correct her every time that he’s being their dad, not a babysitter.”
It’s time to end the double standards in parenting
A lot of the stereotypes people hold about fathers come from the fact that parenting and household labor is still largely seen as women’s responsibility. Research shows that moms still handle the vast majority of child care and household work, and as recently as 2016, 46% of men and 43% of women who participated in a Pew Research survey said kids are better off when their mother stays at home.
But for every person who leaves the hard work to the moms or thinks that only women should be at home raising their kids, there are millions of dads out there fighting for progress.
In 2016, dads made up 17% of all stay-at-home parents in the U.S., an increase from 10% in 1989. The amount of time men spend doing childcare has also tripled since 1965, even if it hasn’t yet caught up with moms.
Things are changing for the better, and praising dads for parenting isn’t just frustrating to the fathers who feel constantly belittled; it also helps uphold sexist double standards about whose “job” it is to handle childcare. Many of the responses on Reddit highlight this important point.
“Us moms hate it because dads get all this recognition for taking care of their kids when they should be doing it equally,” one person writes. “No one ever comes up to a mom out with her kids to say, ‘Look how cute it is that you are out in public with your kids. We need more good women like you.’ It shouldn’t be seen as an anomaly. Kids have dads. Good dads. Sometimes two dads.”
While every parent likes to be praised for their hard work and the wonderful job they’re doing raising their kids, many people said it’s important for dads to push back on these compliments and change public perception once and for all.
“Our culture has this mentality that men ‘help’ their wives clean their own house, cook the food they eat and parent their own children,” one person writes. “Since, statistically, a lot of dads out there don’t do their fair share of parenting and household work, any guy who participates fully in the parenting of his children or managing of his household is seen as amazing … I encourage you to say firmly, ‘I parent too.’ We need more and more people to push back on this mentality.”
