Being a stay-at-home parent is a 24-hour job. Not only are these full-time parents often the sole caregivers, cooks, chauffeurs and entertainers for their kids during the day, but they also frequently have to tackle most of the chores and housework as well. After handling all of that, it’s normal to want some appreciation from your partner. But one dad on Reddit says he disagrees.
In a viral post, a dad says he doesn’t understand why his stay-at-home partner thinks she deserves to be thanked for all she does for their family. In his opinion, it’s “cringeworthy” to expect praise for doing what’s required of you. Now his post has gone viral, and the internet is taking him to task.
“She wants presents and treats for doing her job”
The dad, who goes by @particular-willow-17 on Reddit, says his wife cares for their 2-year-old twin sons and handles all of the housework and cooking while he works full-time at his job, and this routine has always worked well for his family.
“I work from home and a typical day for me is 7 a.m. to 5 p.m.,” he explains. “Once I finish work, I go and spend time with the twins while my wife makes dinner. We put them to bed together, and my wife usually cleans up in the kitchen. She is great at her job, and the house is spotless. I am happy with this arrangement, and I thought my wife was, too.”
Lately, though, his wife has expressed that she feels “burned out, unappreciated and taken for granted.” She wishes her husband would do more to look out for her needs and show that he appreciates her, like buying her favorite candy bar when he stops by the grocery store. Unfortunately, her husband says that’s a ridiculous request.
“We recently had a massive argument, because my wife got completely fed up with being ‘treated like a servant,'” he says. “She basically said that her working hours are 5 a.m. to 9 p.m. seven days a week, and that she feels like I take her for granted. I told her that I understand it’s a tough job, but we both get on with our respective roles. I never ask her to thank me for making money. I think that’s cringeworthy. I get on with my job because I have to provide for my family, whereas she wants presents and treats for doing her job.”
Breaking down the reality of stay-at-home parenthood
The dad asked other people on Reddit if he was in the wrong for essentially telling his wife stop complaining and just do her job. In response, they schooled him on just how hard stay-at-home parents work and accused him of treating his wife like a subordinate.
“He clearly feels like he’s her boss, and she’s his employee,” one person writes. “This is how you’re treated by an assistant manager at a Starbucks.”
“Your wife is working all the time,” another person adds. “You get to clock off at 5. Your wife not only keeps two small humans alive, keeps the house in pretty excellent condition, cooks and keeps on top of food prep and buying and drives everywhere, but she does this every day for two years without asking anything from you. Then, the moment she opens up to you about how she feels, you dismiss her feelings and tell her you won’t even help her feel a little appreciated?”
Many people just couldn’t believe that this dad doesn’t do more to ease the burden on his wife.
“Never mind the chocolate, how about a day off? Men never seem to grasp the fact that being a stay-at-home mom means they’re on call 24/7, 365 days a year.”
“Never mind the chocolate, how about a day off? Men never seem to grasp the fact that being a stay-at-home mom means they’re on call 24/7, 365 days a year,” one more person writes. “If one of the kids is sick or has a nightmare, it’s probably her who deals with that, too. Does she get the weekend off? I doubt it. There’s no reason why he can’t make dinner once in a while, do the shopping or put the kids to bed so his wife can have a break.”
Some people even said it’s about time for this dad to get a taste of his own medicine.
“My immediate thought when I see posts like this is that husband should take a few vacation days, wife goes on a long weekend trip, and he is 100% responsible for everything during that time,” one person writes. “The house better be spotless when she comes back, etc. How many hours would he last before he’s begging someone to help him?”
The bottom line on stay-at-home partnerships
If we paid stay-at-home parents for the caregiving and domestic labor they do each day, Salary.com estimates that they should be making more than $178,000 per year. This salary estimate includes pay for roles like janitor, network administrator, coach and recreational therapist, all of which are shoes stay-at-home parents have to fill on a daily basis.
Parenting requires constant effort, dedication and creativity, and it can be extremely exhausting to carry the mental load all by yourself. Just because someone has agreed to be the primary parent during the standard work week doesn’t mean that every single childcare and household task should be their responsibility or that they can do it all without help or gratitude.
As the responses to this dad’s post prove, it’s not absurd for stay-at-home parents to demand some appreciation. In fact, they deserve even more than that. What stay-at-home parents really need is support, respect and to be treated like equal partners.
