Raising a child through a global pandemic isn’t something I ever would have thought I’d have to do. And yet, here we are. It’s been a really long year and has tested my limits over and over again. Having an only child, too, you rely on a lot of outside people and resources to keep them happy. There’s only so much you can do as a parent within the confines of your own home.
Losing access to many of our usual options for keeping my son happy has been incredibly hard for us. But I can say with absolute certainty that I’m glad I’m only raising one child during all of this.
Trying (and often failing) to be a parent and a friend
Since March, my son has largely been in the company of adults. Either he’s at home with me and my partner, or with his dad. As a writer, my workload has only increased during the pandemic, so I’m usually not able to give him the time and attention he needs. My partner and his dad try to pick up the slack, but we’re all busy.
I know that I fail more than I succeed just because of the amount of time I have to tell him I’m too busy to do anything. I’ve definitely tried to carve out time for him, but it’s a struggle. Usually the most I can muster is a quick lunch or maybe going to get ice cream somewhere. I wish I could just take a few days and do nothing but hang with him, but that’s pretty much impossible.
Muddling through virtual kindergarten
He finished kindergarten virtually in the spring. I was managing it all by myself and working full time, and I spent those two months worrying he’d flunk out of kindergarten. My partner hadn’t moved in yet, and trying to balance my work and his need to do assignments on my computer left me frazzled. We spent the last week of school cramming in as many assignments as we could, and we still didn’t get them all done. I am still incredibly guilty about it.
When my partner moved in, she volunteered to run point on virtual school so I didn’t have to worry. If she didn’t, I don’t know what we would do because it’s impossible to manage it alone. If it’s this overwhelming with one kid, I feel for parents doing it with multiple children.
All of first grade will likely be virtual for him; we live in Los Angeles, and the government hasn’t even hinted at the chance there will be any sort of in-person schooling options. School was his most consistent place for peer engagement, so I know he’s missing it.
Coping without playmates
As an only child myself, I know how hard it is when you have to constantly keep yourself entertained. You really crave and need that time when you can play with your friends and be around other kids. I think that’s probably the hardest part of the pandemic, not being able to give my child that time with other kids.
Thankfully, playgrounds are starting to open again, which has made everything so much better. Watching him chase after other kids again almost made me cry. At the same time, it’s kind of heartbreaking to watch the kids play together and also socially distance. My son, ever the rule follower, is great about not getting too close to other kids. And he knows and will openly refuse to play with kids who aren’t wearing a mask even though he may really want to play. He understands why he can’t, and even though he desperately craves that interaction, he knows it’s not safe. I’ve also seen kids put on their masks after he won’t play with them, so it does bring me some comfort knowing that he may be setting an example.
Being able to take him to a playground has been so helpful. My son has boundless physical energy, and being confined, even though he could play in the house, wasn’t working. We’ve taken him to open spaces where he could run and play, but it’s not the same. He needs to be able to climb a jungle gym and swing on the monkey bars. In the few weeks that we’ve been able to take him, I’ve seen his overall mood vastly improve.
Finding new ways to thrive
As hard as all of this has been for him, my son has really blossomed in some ways. He’s always been a creative kid, but with all this extra time, he’s exploring it more often. His imaginative play has grown by leaps and bounds.
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Legos. These have been a saving grace during all of this. He comes up with elaborate buildings and machines (thanks to YouTube) and he’s so excited to share them with us.
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Trains and tracks. Trains have always been a favorite toy for him, and not only does he create these brilliant and complicated track setups, but then he comes up with storylines for all the trains.
- Action figures. He takes his action figures and puts them in a variety of scenarios, sometimes envisioning himself as one of the characters and fighting alongside them.
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Music. He’s also really gotten into music thanks to the show “Julie and the Phantoms” on Netflix. He got a guitar for his birthday, and spends a lot of time singing the songs and trying to play along on his guitar.
Starting over at square one, again and again
Being an only child during a global pandemic has been hard for my son. He was a champ all through spring and summer, but once school started again, I think the reality of uncertainty hit him. He wants to be able to give his friends a high-five or a hug, and it breaks my heart to see his little face crumple when he knows he can’t. We were supposed to spend spring break with my family on the east coast, and now I don’t know when we’ll be able to see them.
That’s been one of the hardest things for me, too, not being able to answer his question of when this will all be over. We’re trying the best we can to do fun things when we can, but the fear of getting sick is always in the back of his mind.
None of this is easy for anyone. I am constantly awed by my son and his resiliency. So many things have disappointed him this year, and he takes them all in stride. Even though it’s terrible and scary most of the time, I’m glad we have each other. I know that it feels like I’m totally failing sometimes, but then he wraps his arms around me and tells me how much he loves me. And I know that we’ll get through this, no matter how long it lasts.
