One of the most hotly anticipated milestones for parents, arguably, is potty training. While the process can be arduous (not to mention messy), the end goal — no more diapers! — is enough to make any mom or dad want to rush the process along. The irony? That’s exactly what you shouldn’t do.
According to Tovah Klein, who holds her doctorate in clinical and developmental psychology and is director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development and author of “How Toddlers Thrive,” pushing a child to potty train will only backfire and “draw the whole process out a lot longer.”
A better option: waiting for your child to show signs of potty training readiness. Allison Jandu, owner and founder of Potty Training Consultant, explains, “From a developmental standpoint, you may notice your child being able to understand and apply simple directions and improve on their communication skills. And in terms of potty-specific behaviors, they may be staying dry for longer periods throughout the day and have somewhat predictable timing when it comes to bowel movements, explains Jandu
Wondering if your kiddo is ready to ditch the diapers? Here’s what Jandu and other experts have to say.
What age are kids ready for potty training?
As is the case with all milestones, there’s a general age range when kids start potty training — or show readiness — but no hard and fast rule. “Generally, kids start potty training between the ages of 2 and 3, but some are ready earlier and some later,” says Klein. “On average, 2 and a half or older is about right.”
What are signs of potty training readiness?
Every kid is different, but here are some of the more common signs of potty training readiness, according to experts.
1. They’re staying dry for longer stretches.
According to professional potty trainer Adriana Vermillion, aka The Potty Whisperer, “the signs of readiness are vast,” but the biggest tell-tale sign is when a child keeps their diaper dry for an extended period of time.
“One of the most obvious signs a child is ready for potty training is when they stay dry for over two hours during the day and for at least half of the night,” Vermillion says. And if your child is still napping, pay attention to whether or not they’re dry when they wake up, which, according to a study, can be a good indicator of potty training readiness.
“One of the most obvious signs a child is ready for potty training is when they stay dry for over two hours during the day and for at least half of the night.”
— ADRIANA VERMILLION, THE POTTY WHISPERER
This shows, according to Klein, that they’re able to “hold their urine,” which — need it be said? — is a crucial element of potty training.
2. They’re becoming more “predictable,” and/or they want privacy.
Another telltale sign of “becoming biologically capable of bladder and bowel control,” according to Jandu is “having somewhat predictable timing when it comes to bowel movements.”
And to that point, Klein adds that kids also may start wanting privacy when they poop. “When a child begins hiding to poop in their diaper, it shows that they understand when they have the urge to go.”
3. They’re showing interest in the potty.
If the toilet or their potty has suddenly piqued their interest, it may be a sign they’re ready to ditch the diapers. The following are signs of potty interest, according to Klein:
- They watch family members go to the bathroom.
- They ask questions about the potty.
- They’re occasionally using the potty (or watching others use the potty) at day care.
- They play with the potty at home.
- They sit on it, even fully clothed.
- They use words like “pee-pee” and “poo-poo.”
4. They’re generally more independent.
If your child has become more independent developmentally, that also may be a sign they’re ready for potty training. In fact, according to Dr. Lauren Stout, a pediatrician at Holston Medical Group in Bristol, Tennessee, this is potentially one of the biggest indicators. “Most kids are physiological ready for potty training at 18 months; meaning, they’re able to control their bladder to a degree,” she says. “But they have to also be ready cognitively and emotionally.”
Here are signs of independence that can indicate potty training readiness, according to Stout:
- They can pull down and pull up their pants.
- They can take off their diaper.
- They can voice — verbally or nonverbally — that they have to use the bathroom. (Non-verbal can be taking off their diaper.)
“Most kids are physiological ready for potty training at 18 month. But they have to also be ready cognitively and emotionally.”
— DR. LAUREN STOUT, PEDIATRICIAN
5. They’ve become more interested in cleanliness.
In other words, they’re no longer OK sitting in a wet or soiled diaper. “At a certain point, kids will show awareness about what’s going on in their body by asking for a clean diaper when theirs is wet or dirty, or even by telling you when they’re peeing or pooping,” says Jandu.
In addition to this, some kids will become “very fastidious about cleanliness” overall, according to Klein. “One sign that kids are moving toward potty training readiness can be not liking their hands dirty or picking up little pieces of dirt or lint off the floor and saying ‘dirty,’” she explains.
6. They can follow directions.
Again, using the bathroom is more than holding in pee (though that is key!). Stout notes that it’s also important for kids to be able to follow directions when potty training. “You can set a timer for every two hours, so they know what’s coming,” says Stout. “See if they can follow you to the bathroom, pull down their pants, sit on the potty, flush, pull up pants and wash hands.”
She continues, “Obviously, parents will have to help some, but if they’re generally willing, it’s a sign of readiness,” adding that parents should try this for a few days to see how it goes.
“If it’s not going well, take a break for a few weeks,” Stout says. “If you push it, it’s going to be a battle and wind up taking longer.”
Should parents encourage potty training before kids start showing signs of readiness?
It depends on how you broach the subject. According to Jandu, speaking casually and positively about the potty and bathroom can be a great way to normalize toilet use. “If these things are introduced before potty training begins, even before any interest or readiness is demonstrated, it will help kids to be less intimidated by it and more receptive to the process when it is time to start,” she says.
That being said, it’s important to remember that normalizing toilet use is different than trying to get a child out of diapers before they’re ready. “If a parent or caregiver tries to potty train before the child is ready, then the parent is the one in charge, and it can cause the child a lot of shame if they can’t do it,” explains Klein. “Parents need to make sure they’re not making their child — inadvertently or otherwise — feel bad for not being potty trained. So, because of this, the process is easier if parents follow the child’s lead [when they show signs of being ready]. Then, the child will follow the parents’ directions and accept their help along the way.”
The bottom line, according to Klein: “So many parents worry about this milestone, but every child gets there eventually.”