Pokemon NO! 12 Rules Inspired by Real Incidents That You Should Enforce With Your Kids Now

You’re seeing it everywhere.

People are swerving through lanes of rush-hour traffic with their eyes glued to their phones. They’re snapping pics of empty lots, or of strangers’ laps, then giggling happily to themselves like creepy-creeps. They’re stopping their cars in the middle of bridges to take photos of something in the beams.

You may have guessed it already, but I’m talking about Pokemon Go. Within a matter of days, this game has turned once-intelligent friends and family members into little sillybumpkins who will go to extreme(ly odd and dangerous) lengths to “catch ’em all.” And these are grown adults we’re talking about.

Let’s face it: these adults might be your very own babysitters or dog walkers, so it’s important that you discuss Pokemon boundaries with them. (As in, “Don’t play Pokemon when you’re with the kids.”) Although this rule may seem incredibly obvious to you, trust me: you’ll feel better having had this conversation.

This also got me wondering: if grown-ups are doing questionable things to “catch” virtual cartoon monsters, what kinds of things would it get kids to do?

Inspired by actual stupid things Pokemon fans have done, here are 12 rules you should start enforcing with your kids now so they play smarter than the adults around them:

Rule #1: Don’t talk to strangers. (EVEN if a Pokemon is “sitting” right. on. them.)
Rule #2: Don’t go anywhere with strangers who say they know where the “secret Pokemon” are.
Rule #3: Don’t go anywhere you haven’t been before without a parent.
Rule #4: Try not to trespass on other people’s property. They don’t like that.
Rule #5: Don’t go to parks alone or at night. (Seriously. It turns out that some really awful people are using the app to lure others to secluded areas and rob them.)
Rule #6: Please don’t use the app to lure people to secluded areas and rob them.
Rule #7: Avoid rivers and other bodies of water. (Google “river and Pokemon” if you don’t know why this is here.)
Rule #8: Don’t play this game on your bike. Really.
Rule #9: Try to return home before your phone dies.
Rule #10: Resist the urge to chase Pokemon into busy streets, highways, and bridges.
Rule #11: Remember to keep your head up so you don’t walk into anything.
Rule #12: PLEASE DON’T USE REAL MONEY TO BUY POKEBALLS ON THE APP. This isn’t Farmville.