When parents welcome a new baby, it’s normal for them to feel protective and set rules about who gets to visit, especially with COVID cases climbing. But one couple’s rigid rules for meeting their newborn have the Internet asking how much is too much after they refused to let a family member visit unless she promised to show up with expensive gifts and even volunteer to clean the house.
The 34-year-old mom writes on Reddit that she gave birth on Christmas Day, but she and her husband have had a list of rules for meeting their newborn penned since October. The stipulations include:
- All visitors must be up to date on vaccines
- Visits must be arranged one week in advance.
- No smokers allowed.
- Visits can only last one hour and no more than two visits per week per person.
- No picking up the baby without consent.
- No perfume or deodorant.
- No advice.
- No pictures taken or posted on social media.
At first glance, the list seems fairly normal, if a bit strict. But then the parents include two more rules that aren’t so run-of-the-mill:
- First-time visitors must bring a gift card for mom and a separate gift from an approved list for the baby.
- Before any visit, guests will be given a list of groceries to buy and assigned a household chore.
The mom says their list helps keep visits to a minimum and avoid any accusations of favoritism since everyone has to follow the same rules. But she ran into a problem recently when her sister-in-law couldn’t afford to meet her last two demands.
“My sister-in-law studies in a different part of the country, is rarely home and asked to visit last week before she had to go back to school,” the mom explains. “We set up a date with link to our gift list, then sent her the takeout we’d like, including the chores she can choose from. She immediately texted back saying she’s broke and [asked if she] can do extra chores instead. Me and my husband talked about it and came to the decision that if we bent the rules for one person, everyone would want the same treatment. We told her no, that we were very clear about our rules and maybe next time she could visit.”
After the incident with her sister-in-law, the mom says family and friends turned on her and her husband, accusing them of using their baby as a “cash grab” and telling them they are in the wrong. The mom isn’t convinced, so she asked Reddit to weigh in, but the responses she got might not be what she expected.
Most people agree that setting a few expectations for newborn visitors is normal, but they draw the line at the Reddit poster’s request for gifts, free food and mandatory housework.
“I was totally on board until I saw that you’re demanding gifts and manual labor,” one person writes. “You are using your kid as a cash grab. It’s incredibly selfish. The other stuff totally reasonable. Demanding a broke college student buy you stuff and clean your house is so incredibly beyond.”
Another person asks, “What special tricks does your baby perform to warrant an admission fee? This is literally a cash grab and you should be ashamed of yourselves.”
Others point out that even if they want to stick to their demands with the majority of relatives, they could be permanently damaging their baby’s relationship with his aunt by refusing to bend the rules for her.
“For an aunt to be this desperate to see her nephew makes me think she really wanted the role of aunt,” one person writes. “All they did was hurt their son by denying her the ability to be that aunt because she’s basically too poor right now to give them things. That’s disgusting.”
There are no set rules about what is and isn’t OK to ask of friends and family when they come to visit a newborn for the first time. New parents are likely to take health concerns into account, especially right now when newborn visits aren’t recommended because of COVID-19. It’s also not unheard of for friends and family to voluntarily bring special gifts and food when visiting new parents. Some of them might even offer to do the dishes or fold a load of laundry. But, as many Reddit commenters point out, requiring those things may fall outside the boundaries of new parent etiquette.
The newborn stage is a time when many families are figuring out their dynamics and how to form solid foundations for their new child’s relationships with family and friends. Some rules may apply, but that doesn’t mean access to the newest family member needs to come with a cover charge.
