As more and more parents confront burnout, question overachiever work culture and look for real solutions for improving work-life balance, some evolved moms and dads are beginning to realize the untapped perks of hiring a babysitter. Of course, lining up a sitter isn’t a new idea. However, hiring a babysitter — not for work and not for a date night — so you can take back many aspects of your own life on your own terms, now that’s something to talk about.
Critics may tell you that a quiet shower is not considered self-care for exhausted parents. Yet, the parents longing for the chance to rinse off in peace may beg to differ. The same goes for taking care of yourself mentally and physically, pursuing personal passions and even watching TV in the bedroom uninterrupted. While these small but necessary pleasures may never outweigh parental needs like accessible and affordable quality child care, paid parental leave and community support, sometimes the need-to-dos in the presence of your own company is enough to warrant the cost of a sitter.
If wrapping your head around spending the money for a sitter for something unrelated to your career or romantic relationship is difficult, consider it an investment. “When people have time to focus on their own needs, they can return to their families feeling refreshed and better able to handle the demands of family,” says life coach and author Catherine Wilde. “It can also give you much-needed perspective on life.”
“When people have time to focus on their own needs, they can return to their families feeling refreshed and better able to handle the demands of family. It can also give you much-needed perspective on life.”
— Catherine Wilde, life coach and author
Not convinced that hiring a babysitter can help you to reclaim your life and identity? Then take it from these 11 parents from around the country who hired a babysitter to take their lives back an hour or three at a time..
1. Be “alone” in your own house
“Some Saturdays I hire a babysitter so I can relax in my bed after I go to the gym. I pick up takeout and ask the babysitter to sneak and open the back door. Then I park down the street so my kids won’t see my car in the driveway and enter the house through the back door, which is connected to my bedroom. When it’s time for the babysitter to leave and I walk out of my bedroom, my kid’s jaws hit the floor.”
— Marquita Wright, mom of 4-year-old twins, New Orleans
2. Equalize self-care in a couple
“We’ve started hiring a babysitter once a month for a few hours on a Saturday so we can each have some time doing whatever we want knowing our kid is in good hands.”
— Tom Monson, parent
“As a small business owner who works a ton of hours, most of the time, the weekend is my only chance to enjoy my hobbies. Unfortunately for me, one of my favorite hobbies is golf, and golfing on the weekend can be a five or six-hour affair. Leaving my wife alone with our 2-year-old so I can go have fun just doesn’t seem fair. So we’ve started hiring a babysitter once a month for a few hours on a Saturday so we can each have some time doing whatever we want knowing our kid is in good hands.”
— Tom Monson, dad of one, Minnesota
3. Maintain strong friendships
“I’ve hired a sitter when I’ve been invited to brunch or lunch with a friend. I think hiring a sitter is important to maintaining certain friendships. It might be hard to meet with a friend in the evening because her husband might travel, or a friend might have a new baby they need to put to bed.
I think a lot of people view the 9-5 workday as the standard and then believe that when people deviate from that norm, it’s unacceptable. As a stay-at-home-mom, my ‘work’ hours are 24/7, so I need to hire a sitter to have brunch with friends and keep that connection. It’s important to me.”
— Jessica Fields mom of 4- and 6-year-old, Huntersville, North Carolina
4. Ward off mental health challenges
“I hire someone to babysit my toddler so I can go to the movies or even just read a book on the patio. It has helped a lot in my mental health.”
— Veronica Thompson, parent
“Before my baby was born, I used to spend a good amount of time with myself going to the gym, watching movies alone and more. When the baby came, that changed. I wanted to personally take care of our baby so I did not hire a nanny. However, depression set in because I could no longer do the things I used to do. With that, my therapist suggested I hire a babysitter every week to have time for myself. Hence, I hire someone to babysit my toddler so I can go to the movies or even just read a book on the patio. It has helped a lot in my mental health.”
— Veronica Thompson, mom to 4-year-old, New York
5. Ease the co-parenting juggle
“My husband and I are in a blended family and share custody of our 7-year-old. We have a pretty complex and ever-changing household schedule. A practical use for our blended family situation is to fill in gaps between custody exchanges with babysitting to accommodate exchanges between households. So when situations come up where we may want to adjust pick up/drop off time, we’ll sometimes ask our sitter to fill in. Last weekend we found out our flight was delayed 2 hours and would cut into our custody time. We want to be sensitive to our co-parent’s time and schedule, so rather than asking our kid’s mom to make another accommodation, we hired our sitter to receive my stepson from his mom and hang out with him for those couple hours until our flight returned.”
— Carolyn Batyske, stepmom to 7-year-old, Brooklyn, New York
6. Manage pregnancy fatigue
“I hired a babysitter to allow me to rest during my pregnancy and postpartum period.”
— Krystal Covington, parent
“It became challenging for me to have true playtime with my son, as I was pregnant and extremely tired. I had an educator coming in a few times a week for a couple of hours to work with my son, so I doubled her hours to provide me time to rest while baking the baby. After the baby was born, I kept that schedule up to assist me in keeping him occupied during the transition, so he wouldn’t be so disappointed that I was always engaged with the newborn. In essence, I hired a babysitter to allow me to rest during my pregnancy and postpartum period.”
— Krystal Covington, mom of 4-month-old and 3-year-old, Denver
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7. Get pampered
“I usually go to the gym three times a week and have a massage twice a month because of the nature of my work. During those times, I make sure that my kids are well taken care of by hiring babysitters. It’s hard being a working mom who also wants to stay fit and take care of herself — but it doesn’t have to be.”
— Bonnie Whitfield, mom of 3- and 7-year-old, San Francisco
8. Enjoy loud jam sessions
“Life would be meaningless if I do not pursue my passions. I can only be my best version if I also do the same for myself and for that reason I hire babysitters!”
— Talal Khan, parent
“I’m a single dad and hire a babysitter at least once every two weeks, and sometimes even consecutive weeks during the summer. I am really passionate about live music and playing guitar, which is more than just a hobby for me. When I have to go jam for an entire day, I choose to hire a babysitter. It is much easier because my son does not enjoy being around loud music for long periods. I also frequently go to concerts, and I absolutely need someone to watch my kid. I cannot take my kid anyway. He would hate a moshpit. Life would be meaningless if I do not pursue my passions. I can only be my best version if I also do the same for myself and for that reason I hire babysitters!”
— Talal Khan, father of 7-year-old, Jersey City, New Jersey
9. Fulfill lifelong dreams
“Raising kids is a marathon, especially when training for a marathon. I still don’t remember when it became one of my life goals, but for as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to run a marathon. That became a lot more complicated when I had kids. It’s no big deal most of the time to steal an hour away to go for a run or work out, but while training for a marathon, most people do a weekly long run, scaling up to about 20 miles. I don’t care what kind of shape you’re in; a fifteen-mile run takes a long time. That’s why I decided to start hiring a babysitter to watch my kids once a week when I do my long runs. Not only has it given me the time to train, but [it’s provided] the emotional and mental space to be a better version of myself. As a 42-year-old, that has been a revelation that I didn’t expect to achieve.”
— Laura Fuentes, mom to 3- and 5-year-old, Boca Raton, Florida
10. Look toward the future
“The time away, enjoying an activity I once did before kids, rejuvenated me. After going for a bike ride, I am always in happier positive spirits.”
— Kristina Tinsley, parent
“Before kids, cycling was a big part of my life. My husband and I often took vacations to cycle around different countries and cycled to work multiple times a week. We started hiring a babysitter every two to three weeks to go cycling during the daytime. The time away, enjoying an activity I once did before kids, rejuvenated me. After going for a bike ride, I am always in happier positive spirits. The time also allows me to dream about the future, providing me with excitement to teach my kids to cycle so someday we can all go out as a family.”
— Kristina Tinsley, mom to 2- and 6-year-old, Doylestown, Pennsylvania
11. Feel like yourself again
“When my child was a few months old, I began hiring a babysitter for a few hours in the middle of the day on some weekends. I then used this time to go about my regular life and get things done without the hassle of having to bring a baby along with me.
I’d go grocery shopping and get lunch at a cafe. These days to myself gave me a chance to remind myself that I had my own thoughts and feelings and that my only purpose in life wasn’t just to raise my child.
I definitely needed a way to cope with the demands of child care. That time to yourself is incredibly valuable.”
— Erika Barnes, mom of 5-year-old, Virginia
For such a long time, parents, especially women, have been programmed to be a martyr and ignore their needs, says Wilde. Money well spent is money that allows you to honor your own quality time, she suggests. “In turn, this can create a stronger sense of connection and overall satisfaction within the family unit.”