These days, it’s hard to find a child who’s never played on a phone or tablet, spent an afternoon streaming their favorite cartoons on TV or begged their parents to let them watch fun videos on YouTube. Technology and screens are a part of our daily lives whether we like it or not, but that can make things complicated when parents hire a nanny or babysitter.
To keep kids safe and establish healthy screen time habits, it’s vital for parents and caregivers to communicate about the rules when it comes to screen time, social media and tech use in general.
Whether you’re caring for a child alongside a co-parent, a nanny or a babysitter, it’s useful for caregivers to try to be on the same page, acknowledges Jaqueline Nesi, a psychologist who studies the role of social media in adolescents’ mental health and development and author of the popular newsletter Techno Sapiens. “That means [talking about] both the child’s screen use, but also any caregiver who is with the child [should consider] what healthy screen use looks like for themselves as well,” she notes.
Here’s how experts say parents and caregivers can create, discuss and maintain healthy boundaries around social media and screen time for kids, as well as advice on how to address common problems as a team.
Join Care for free
How parents and caregivers can get on the same page about tech
Just like pay, hours and other house rules, guidelines around screens and social media should be discussed with caregivers up front, says Lora Brawley, a nanny with more than 30 years’ experience and owner of the nanny consulting and training service Nanny Care Hub.
Ideally, these conversations will take place during the interview or hiring process, with continued check-ins occurring regularly throughout your working relationship. Here are some tips to help parents and caregivers set and discuss reasonable screen time and social media rules:
1. Know the recommended screen time limits for kids
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) offers specific guidelines for acceptable screen use each day. While these are just suggestions, Nesi says they can be a good starting point when you’re determining rules around screens and social media in your own home.
Here’s a handy chart to remind you what the AAP recommends:
| Age | Recommended screen time per day |
| 0-17 months | No screen time. |
| 18-24 months | No screen time, except for video chatting. |
| 2-4 years | One hour or less of high quality content. |
| 6 years+ | Two hours or less. |
In addition to these rules, Nesi says it’s vital to make sure kids are accessing appropriate content and aren’t using screens unsupervised.
“Equally as important, if not more important than the number of minutes or hours, is: What are they actually watching or doing? What is the content? And then, who are they as a kid?” she explains. “Kids have different vulnerabilities and strengths and respond differently to screen time, so thinking about the context around it is important as well.”
2. Discuss any firm tech limits
Before a caregiver starts working with kids, they need to know the ins and outs of screen time rules for the household. Brawley says parents and caregivers should discuss the following:
- How much screen time are kids allowed each day?
- What types of screen time are included in the limits: TV shows, movies, video games, social media, texting, random scrolling, etc.?
- Is time spent on learning or homework included as screen time?
- How do parents see the amounts and types of screen time allowed changing as kids gets older?
Parents should also clarify expectations regarding the caregiver’s own screen use. “Some families want their nanny to be off their phone completely, some want it used for emergencies only and some don’t have any restrictions,” Brawley says. “If the family is asking for stricter restrictions than the nanny or sitter is comfortable with, the caregiver should share their concerns and work to negotiate a compromise.”
3. Align your values on screens, social media and tech
Nesi says parents and caregivers may have an easier time working together to monitor screen and social media use if they consider the values parents hope to instill. “Start the conversation by trying to get on the same page about your philosophy around screens,” she explains. This includes thinking about and discussing the following:
- What are parents’ and caregivers’ personal values around screen time and social media?
- What do parents hope their child’s values will be around screens and tech?
- What do parents want to accomplish by establishing boundaries around tech use?
- What is most important when it comes to monitoring kids’ screen use?
“It’s important to be realistic and to be aware that technology is a part of our lives,” Nesi says. “Oftentimes, we come to these conversations thinking, ‘OK, what’s the time limit going to be? How much can I restrict the use of these technologies?’ But a better starting point is asking, ‘How do we want kids spending their time?’ ‘What’s important in terms of the other things we want them doing during the day?’”
“It’s important to be realistic and to be aware that technology is a part of our lives. Oftentimes, we come to these conversations thinking, ‘OK, what’s the time limit going to be? How much can I restrict the use of these technologies?’ But a better starting point is asking, ‘How do we want kids spending their time?’ ‘What’s important in terms of the other things we want them doing during the day?’”
— Jacqueline Nesi, a psychologist who studies the role of social media in adolescents’ mental health and development
4. Brainstorm alternatives to screen time
“It’s important to think about adding, not just subtracting,” Nesi says. “So, if we’re subtracting screen time, what are we putting in its place? For a lot of kids, they might need some help figuring out other activities that would be good to fill that time.”
Similarly, Brawley adds, many families are more lenient with screens when caregivers are around. So, if a family is going to remove or limit screens as an option for caregivers to use when entertaining kids, it’s a good idea to come up with some ideas together for approved activities to do instead.
This might include:
- Playing games indoors or outside.
- Crafting or art activities.
- Listening to, making or dancing to making music.
- Practicing math, reading or other school skills.
- Doing at-home science experiments.
- Visiting the park or library.
- Learning how to make healthy snacks.
“Although how much and what type of screen time is allowed is the parents’ decision, that decision directly impacts the daily work of the caregiver,” Brawley says. For that reason, it’s important to work together to make a satisfactory plan for each day.
5. Check in regularly
Rules about screen time and social media are just like any other house rules, says Nesi. They need to be discussed regularly, revisited often and updated as needed.
“Hopefully there are open lines of communication about all sorts of topics, including screens, and this is just one of many conversations that’s ongoing,” she says. “I don’t think there’s anything unique about screens when it comes to this — whatever policy parents have about how they work together with caregivers to create and enforce other rules, they should do that here as well.”
How to handle common issues with screen time and tech use
Even after parents and caregivers have taken the time to discuss rules around screen time and social media, they still might run into problems. Here’s how the experts say to manage some of the most common screen time issues with ease.
The problem: Kids are allowed a certain amount of screen time, but they always beg for more.
As soon as screen time ends, the begging and pleading begins. There’s a steady chorus of “just five more minutes, please!”
The solution:
“It’s important to support kids in their challenges while still sticking to the rules outlined by their parents,” Brawley says. If parents have given a caregiver leeway to create their own boundaries around screens, then they can consider whether extra time is appropriate on a case-by-case basis. If parents have set specific limits, it’s essential for caregivers to hold the line.
The problem: Kids throw tantrums when they can’t have screen time.
The kids want tablet time or to zone out while watching Disney+, but their parents said no. Now, they’re crying, yelling and refusing to do anything else.
The solution: Acknowledge big feelings, but hold your ground.
“Being denied screen time can drive kids a little crazy,” Brawley says. “Nannies and sitters can acknowledge the big feelings those situations bring up, stay emotionally present with kids as they navigate their frustration and disappointment and offer other activity choices.”
Occasionally, kids might have big feelings because they’re overwhelmed or feel slighted by the rules. If that seems to be the case, it’s OK to go to parents with those concerns, Nesi adds. For example, maybe kids are exhausted from other activities and could benefit from a bit more leniency.
“Caregivers can go into these conversations and say, ‘Hey, the kid is active all day. They’re at camp, they’re at school, they’re running around all day and they’re exhausted, and actually maybe the thing that would help them in that moment is having a little bit of screen time to wind down,” Nesi offers.
“Being denied screen time can drive kids a little crazy. Nannies and sitters can acknowledge the big feelings those situations bring up, stay emotionally present with kids as they navigate their frustration and disappointment and offer other activity choices.”
— Lora Brawley, owner of the nanny consulting and training service Nanny Care Hub
The problem: Kids are sneaking extra time on screens, hiding social media use or otherwise breaking the rules.
If the nanny or sitter catches the kids hiding the tablet under their covers after bed time or finds a tween’s secret social media account, what should they do?
The solution:
Parents and caregivers should not only make rules about screens and social media as a team, but they should also discuss acceptable consequences for when and if those rules are broken, Nesi says.
“Caregivers should have the option to turn off Wi-Fi or take away the device if the child isn’t sticking to the parents’ guidelines,” Brawley adds. “This action should be a consequence rather than a punishment, followed by a discussion with the child to help them learn how to better manage their screen time.”
Additionally, parents should be notified of issues as soon as possible so the adults can discuss strategies to remedy the problem long term as a team.
The problem: Caregivers are using screens more often than parents are comfortable with.
When kids are asleep, a nanny or sitter might have free rein to scroll on their phone, but what happens if they’re ongoingly watching TikToks or checking texts in the presence of the kids they’re caring for?
The solution: Talk openly about the problem and work towards a compromise.
Ideally, caregivers should know the rules regarding personal screen use when they start a new job, Brawley says. This includes answering questions like:
- Is the caregiver allowed to post anything about their job on social media?
- Is it OK for the caregiver to watch TV?
- Is the caregiver allowed to use their phone during breaks?
- Can the caregiver take personal calls while on duty?
- Is the caregiver allowed to look at personal devices or social media when kids are present?
If screen use becomes an issue, parents should start an open dialogue with the caregiver and strive to find a reasonable solution.
“When the parents and nanny [or sitter] have a different perspective, it’s helpful for both sides to share why they feel as they do and then brainstorm possible solutions,” Brawley says. “When parties understand the wants and needs of each other, the chances of coming to a workable compromise increase.”
The problem: The kids want to see what the nanny or sitter is doing on social media.
The kids wake up from a nap and catch the sitter giggling at a video on social media. They ask if they can see it too. Is it OK for the caregiver to show them?
The solution: Empower caregivers to use their best judgment.
“If parents allow screen time, it’s smart to have a conversation with the caregiver about what they feel is appropriate to share with kids,” Brawley says. “You cannot cover all situations, so the parents have to trust the provider to use good judgment when showing kids content.”
She adds, “If they don’t want caregivers making those decisions, they should have a no screens policy.”
The bottom line on how parents and caregivers can get on the same page with tech
Caring for kids in the digital age is no easy task. There are a million rules to consider regarding time spent on screens, what content is appropriate and when social media and various devices are OK to use. Every family will land on different solutions to these problems, and it’s important for both parents and caregivers to be proactive about discussing the rules.
Screen time can feel like this very overwhelming, scary topic that’s so different from other parenting issues we deal with day to day, acknowledges Nesi. Nonetheless, it can help to remember that a lot of the usual principles of parenting apply, she says. Ultimately, you’ll want to remain consistent when enforcing rules and guidelines — no matter who is caring for your child.
