Watching your child alongside your family employer’s child can alleviate not just a financial burden but emotional and mental stress. “A lot of nannies have shared that bringing their child — which some agencies will refer to as a ‘sidekick’ or ‘tag-along’ — to work allows them to be a lot more present and engaged at work because they’re not distracted, navigating their own child care plan,” explains Shenandoah Davis, co-founder and chief executive officer of Adventure Nannies. And you won’t have to worry about calling out from work if your own caregiver — be that another nanny or family member — falls through.
Although the opportunities may not be as readily available, there are families who are open to a nanny bringing a child to work, notes Katie Provinziano, managing director of Westside Nannies in Beverly Hills, California. Here, eight tips for preparing to and actually broaching the subject of this arrangement to a family employer.
Read more: 5 benefits of bringing your own child to a nanny or babysitting job
1. Decide whether bringing your child to work is a requirement or a “nice-to-have”
If you’re job hunting — as opposed to considering how to talk to a current family employer — figuring out the best way to talk about bringing your child to work requires a bit of initial self-reflection. “It’s really important that you, as the nanny, know upfront if it is a requirement or a nice-to-have,” says Davis.
If it’s a must-have: You’ll want to bring it up right off the bat when applying for a new position. “Be forthcoming in your cover letter and get right to it before the family has to ask about it,” suggests Margaret “Austin” Macfarlane, founder and Chief Executive Officer of My Girl Friday, a caregiver agency in Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina that frequently posts listings that mention tag-alongs. “You might even include a photo of yourself and your child with your application, so your employer can both hear from and ‘see’ you.”
Alyssa Drewniak is a mom of a 5-year-old and a nanny in Tampa, Florida. “My nanny family was aware I had a child from the very beginning, but when I was asked to go from part-time to a full-time schedule, I was very straightforward and stated I could only stay if I was allowed to bring my son the two to three days I was adding on to my schedule,” she explains. “They were open and accommodating because they know that my son comes first in my life but also that I love my job.”
A heartening fact to note: Many families have thought about this scenario before even posting a job for a caregiver, so you could even specifically target job descriptions that mention a tag-along or sidekick arrangement. “Keep an eye out for the families who have already thought it through and are excited about having it as an option,” says Davis.
If it’s not an immediate need: If you’re hoping that a new family employer might be open to a tag-along down the road, but you don’t need to bring your child to work right away, then you can bring it up in an interview. If you’re already in a great working relationship with a family, and think you might need this option in the future — say, if you’re newly pregnant — then experts suggest broaching the subject sooner rather than later.
2. Create and share a roadmap for success
Any time you’re asking your employer for an exception or something outside of the norm, you want to tackle the conversation in a way that will make it as easy as possible for them to say yes, advises Davis. In other words, you want to show your family employer that you’ve done your research and are confidently proposing a specific game plan, as opposed to creating any work for them.
This means laying out some key details to paint a picture of what bringing your child to work would look like. “You might say something like, ‘I’d like to bring my child to work. Here’s how it will make me a better caregiver,’” suggests Davis.
Then, you can note any benefits that will stem from having your child with you. For instance, you might feel like it helps you be more patient or heightens your awareness, as you’ll be both in nanny and “mom mode,” as Drewniak describes her experience.
Then you can get into specifics you’ve thought through, like, “I’m going to add this extra car seat to my car and bring a separate lunch for my child, and here’s what I’ll do when your child has soccer practice.”
Broaching the subject in this way can reassure your employer that you’re capable of caring for your child and theirs at the same time, and the quality of your work won’t slip. “This will make it much easier for the parents to consider your sidekick as a viable option and understand that you’ve thought it through, it’s a conscious effort and there’s no other option,” says Davis.
“Families benefit by having the added socialization for a child — especially for only children — and their ability to learn important lessons like sharing and taking turns is enhanced.”
— KATIE PROVINZIANO, MANAGING DIRECTOR OF WESTSIDE NANNIES IN BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA
3. Talk about socialization and kids’ compatibility
Before you approach your employer, consider how your child will fare with theirs. If they’re around the same age and have similar interests, they might be well-matched — and if they’re older, they might be able to do their distance learning or schoolwork together. And families with an only child might benefit even more from the arrangement.
“Families benefit by having the added socialization for a child — especially for only children — and their ability to learn important lessons like sharing and taking turns is enhanced,” says Provinziano. This might seem particularly appealing right now, given that children might be facing limitations on play dates, extracurriculars and other opportunities to connect with their peers and build their social skills.
At the same time, you’ll want to think through and present your child care backup plan, should kids’ compatibility go south, says Davis. “It can often happen with kids of any age where they are getting along really well, and then, all of a sudden, they’re bickering or one child goes into a more argumentative or unhappier phase or has tantrums,” she explains. “Understand that bringing your child to work is a benefit that might not work for everyone in the long-run. So, it’s important to have an understanding of — and explain to your employer — what your alternatives are.”
5. Point out any experience with multitasking as a caregiver
The main concern family employers voice around a sidekick arrangement is that their child won’t get the same attention and level of care as they would if they were the only child being watched — and, in the case of an emergency, the caregiver’s parental instincts would kick in, and they would put their child first.
“Those instances — like a car accident or accident in a swimming pool — are luckily very rare, but parents have to think fast and make the right decision,” acknowledges Davis.
The best solution for this potential rabbit hole of “what if’s: “Share past experiences working with multiple children or in a classroom environment,” advises Davis. “Let them know that you’re very capable of taking care of both children — just like the family employers are when their child is having a play date with their friends.”
6. Discuss what you’ll do if one child gets sick
Be straightforward about your backup plan, should your child get sick. “You could note, ‘If my child gets sick, my S.O. or other family member and I would do XYZ,’” says Macfarlane. “Be super upfront about the network of people who can step in if the child needs to stay home for a few days.”
7. Talk about pay and accommodations you’re willing to make
The reality of the matter is that families often want to pay slightly less per hour for a nanny with a sidekick, given that the nanny will have to balance caring for their own child and the employer’s children, says Davis. So, reflect on whether or not this is something you’re willing to accept.
You’ll be well within your right to advocate for the same rate, even with a sidekick, arguing that your pay be based on your education, experience and job specifics. Drewniak says her rate has always hinged on those factors, regardless of whether or not she was bringing her son to work.
That said, if the benefit requires a pay cut, you might be saving money overall. “If day cares in your area are $300 or $400 a week, taking a $2-3 pay cut from your family allows you to bring your child with you to work and you might still be saving hundreds per month,” points out Davis.
Still, one way to sweeten the deal is by noting that you’re willing to jump through a few extra hoops to accommodate the family employer’s needs. Whether that’s by keeping vaccinations up to date, bringing your own stroller and high chair every day or dealing with car seats however they see fit, these steps might create more physical and mental labor for you as the caregiver. But they might be well worth it, in order to save money on child care and continue to pursue your caregiving career, says Davis.
8. Communicate how important this is to you — and keep communicating
If bringing your child to work really is the only long-term or affordable solution for you, be sure to communicate that to your family employer. As Davis notes, “It might be the only sustainable way for you to continue with the family you’ve established a long-term working relationship with.”
And if you end up getting the green light on bringing your child to work, be sure to formalize your agreement in writing. “We always recommend families and nannies have a formal work agreement that clearly outlines compensation, schedules, benefits, duties, and household rules and expectations,” says Provinziano. “This is even more important when a nanny is bringing a child to work.”
Then, keep setting aside time for regular, child-free communication with your employer. “Maintaining an open dialogue about what’s working and what’s not working is incredibly important,” says Provinziano. “It’s a relationship like any other and sure to have its ups and downs.”
