Mother’s Day is supposed to be a holiday for moms to relax, get pampered and be showered with gratitude and praise from their children and partners. But, how many moms of young kids actually get to do that? One New York mom says her Mother’s Day is more often spent running herself ragged while carting her fussy toddlers all over town to spend time with their grandmothers. While she loves her mom and mother-in-law, she’s fed up with her restful holiday turning into yet another long day of work, and she has a message for grandmothers who expect to be spoiled on Mother’s Day: step down.
The mom, who goes by SophiRaft online, posted a viral TikTok sharing her stance on which moms should take priority on Mother’s Day. “I’m sure this will be an unpopular opinion; however, regarding Mother’s Day, if you’re a grandparent, you need to step down,” she says in her video. “If your daughter has babies, let the father of her kids or her kids spoil her for the day. If your son has babies, let him spoil his wife or partner or the mother of his kids that day. It is not about you anymore.”
The mom, who has a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old at home, clarifies that she isn’t saying grandparents should be excluded from Mother’s Day celebrations entirely. Rather, she thinks they should yield their celebration time so moms of young kids can have a stress-free holiday that’s actually about them.
“You always should send flowers or make an effort to maybe celebrate [grandparents] on a different day,” she explains, “But, to somebody that has very young kids and wants to finally get to enjoy Mother’s Day, it’s really frustrating to have all these obligations, like, ‘We have to go [visit] my husband’s side of the family to celebrate Mother’s Day’ and ‘We have to go to my side of the family to celebrate Mother’s Day.’ You never really get just a day to celebrate you. Step down, Grandmas. It’s time.”
The mom’s bold stance quickly went viral and ignited a firestorm in the comment section. In just three days, her video has been viewed more than 617,000 times, and thousands of people have taken the time to share passionate responses either applauding her or fighting back against her point of view.
“I totally disagree,” one person writes. “It is called Mother’s Day, note Wife’s Day. [If] you want to celebrate, wait until your kids can spoil you, not your husband. We paid our dues!”
“Step down? After stepping up their whole life and raising them? Um, no,” a grandmother adds. “It is about me. I want to be surrounded by my kids and grandkids!”
Some people even assumed the mom must have a bad relationship with her own mom or mother-in-law, otherwise she wouldn’t feel so strongly about having the day to herself.
“I’m sorry if you don’t have a good relationship with the moms in your life, but my mom is my bestie and I couldn’t imagine not doing something with her and my kids,” one person writes.
Others totally agreed with the mom’s stance and were grateful to finally see another mom admit how exhausting Mother’s Day obligations can be.
“I love my mom and my mother-in-law is great, but do I want to spend Mother’s Day running from one house to another? No,” one mom writes. “I want to just relax and be in my PJs!”
“It’s true! I agree,” another person adds. “Once your kids move out, [Mother’s Day] is not a huge thing anymore. Still call or send flowers, but mama at home? That’s where it’s at!”
In a follow-up post, the mom clarifies that she doesn’t want to change up Mother’s Day due to a bad relationship with her mom or mother-in-law. In fact, she says that she and her husband both have great relationships with their moms and visit them frequently. The problem is that devoting Mother’s Day to celebrating two different grandparents leaves her utterly exhausted.
“People forget what it’s like to raise small kids, to be in the thick trenches of it where every single day nothing is about you, ever,” she says. “To take my mom to brunch on Mother’s Day, I have to get both of these kids ready … Then, I have to pack things for them to not make a scene at the restaurant. Then, we go to the restaurant. Do you think they want to eat the food at most of these brunches? No, they do not. I have to bring food from home, then I have to sit there and try to feed them the whole time. Am I getting to enjoy this brunch? No. Am I really even getting to talk to my mom the whole time? No, not really.”
Once the marathon brunch is over, she adds, it’s time to head to her mother-in-law’s house, where she will once again be in full-time caregiver mode with increasingly exhausted, fussy and messy kids. While she loves both her own mom and her mother-in-law, she says she still firmly believes moms of young kids shouldn’t have to spend every Mother’s Day catering to other people.
“I do think that those of us in the trenches of this time in our life are the ones that should be truly celebrated on this day. I’m sorry that people found that so offensive, but I stand by it,” she says. “I think grandmas should make an effort to say, ‘Please do this for your wives, please do this for your daughters. I’m stepping down. I want them to enjoy their day.'”
