Journalist and podcast host Paula Faris knows all too well how painful pregnancy loss can be. In a recent appearance on “The View,” she revealed that she suffered her third miscarriage over the summer. While the losses have been heartbreaking, Faris also shared how she has chosen to use her struggle as a teaching moment for her 12-year-old daughter, Caroline Grace. The mom says she brought her daughter into the bathroom as she was miscarrying, and her candid confession has sparked a heated debate.
Faris was vacationing with her family in Maryland when she realized she was losing her pregnancy. She called her daughter into the bathroom and explained what was happening.
“I said, ‘I just want to let you know, Mommy is … the baby is probably no longer viable,’” she recalls to the hosts on “The View.” “‘Mommy doesn’t feel any guilt. This is normal, it happens to so many women. It’s happened to me a couple of other times. When you get pregnant, it might happen to you, honey. And I want you to know there’s nothing you did wrong.’”
Her bold choice to share the moment with her pre-teen has been met with mixed reactions from fans. Some have supported the mom and thanked her for being so open about her losses.
One woman writes on Facebook, “We invite everyone to be included in the birth of a child, but we are expected to keep the loss of a pregnancy a secret? Hide the truth of how it happens, what it feels like? Mystify it? … I wish my mother (or other female role model) had been this open, and as painful as it would have been to experience that with her, I would have been grateful for the inclusion and insight.”
But others accused Faris of giving her daughter more information than a 12-year-old can handle.
“When I miscarried my son at 16 weeks, I felt bad having my own husband there witnessing it all,” a commenter says. “I would never subject one of our kids to it! It’s traumatizing enough for adults, there is no need to have a child have that image in their minds for the rest of their lives.”
Between 10% and 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, according to the Mayo Clinic, but the number may actually be higher because some miscarriages occur before a woman even knows she is pregnant. Despite the fact that a substantial number of pregnancies end in miscarriage, the subject is still misunderstood and considered taboo by many.
In a 2013 survey on perceptions of miscarriage, 55% of respondents said they believe miscarriage is “rare” and occurs in 5% or less of all pregnancies. Of respondents who had suffered miscarriages, 41% said they felt alone and believed they had done something wrong to cause their miscarriage. It’s exactly this kind of misinformation, stigma and isolation that Faris was trying to combat by sharing her pregnancy loss with her daughter.
According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, 60% of miscarriages occur because an embryo has an abnormal number of chromosomes, which is something that happens by chance. In 50% to 75% of cases in which women miscarry multiple times, doctors are unable to find a cause at all. As Faris told her daughter, women should not feel like they are to blame for pregnancy loss.
Celebrities like Pink, Beyonce, Nicole Kidman and Mariah Carey have all gone public with their own experiences with miscarriage. “The View” host Meghan McCain has also been open about her own miscarriage and says Faris played a huge role in inspiring her to share her story.
Choosing to share a pregnancy loss with a child may not be the right choice for every parent or every child, but that doesn’t mean Faris was wrong to do it. One of the best ways to eliminate the stigma surrounding pregnancy loss is by talking about it, sharing experiences and letting women’s stories be heard.
“It’s important to grieve,” Faris tells the host of “The View.” “But it’s also important to know that this happens to so many of us.”