For the past three years Meghan Markle has been taken to task about everything from her age and her upbringing to her love of avocados, and in the beginning, she took it all in stride. She smiled, waved and employed the royal family’s “never complain, never explain” mantra. But when the critiques turned to Meghan’s parenting — the thing that hits any mom where she’s most vulnerable — it struck a nerve with the duchess. Pregnant women and new moms, famous or not, are regularly magnets for random pieces of unsolicited advice, but Meghan made a bold, and very public, move against it. She refused to play the game any more.
We first saw a crack in Meghan’s armor during a documentary that aired in the fall, where the duchess admitted that she wasn’t OK with the personal attacks, particularly since having Archie. While incredibly heartfelt, the admission was clearly a polite request for people to back off. So when the press continued to mom-shame the duchess, she walked away from the wildly privileged life she had so briefly been a part of.
Did the British media “win” with their bizarre takedown of the outsider in the royal family? Not exactly. When post-Megxit photos were released recently, showing a beaming Meghan hiking with her son in a baby carrier, it was obvious what was really going on: Meghan was determined to do what was best for herself, and maybe more so, her family.
Historically speaking, royal women have never had it easy (yes, even Kate Middleton has been mom-shamed), but with Meghan it was different, and things got particularly brutal when she became pregnant. Initially, there was the narrative that she held her baby bump too much. No, she wasn’t being protective of her baby or getting used to her new body. To much of the world, Meghan’s hand placement was dubbed as an attention-seeking photo op, which, at its core, was already taking a shot at Meghan’s parenting.
When we saw her happy and glowing, heading into her New York baby shower — that her friends threw for her — it was instantly branded too lavish, too gauche, too Kardashian. And yet, when Meghan refused to give out details of her birth plan or take part in a photo-op hours after baby Archie was born, the public and the media seemed incensed. How dare she? (Why on earth would Meghan want to share such a private moment with the world when it inevitably it would have been critiqued?)
When it came to Archie, Meghan couldn’t do anything right. After long-lens-toting paparazzi caught candid shots of her at polo match with Kate Middleton, she was criticized for how she was holding her son (“she can’t have any maternal instincts at all” was one remark on Twitter). Then, when she was spotted at the U.S. Open in New York, supporting Serena Williams — without Archie — she was branded “selfish” for leaving her son so soon after his birth. (Later, it was reported that Archie did in fact make the trip with his mom.)
Harry, meanwhile, was in the Netherlands, days after the birth of his first son.
While Meghan’s situation is an extreme example of mom-shaming, and one, thankfully, most of use won’t ever have to deal with, her exit from the royal family in order to live a more authentic life as a person and a mother is something that should resonate with all parents. We’re never going to get it right for everyone all the time — so why waste time trying? Of course, no one is immune to the inevitable sting that follows criticism, but the most important thing, above all else, is living a life that’s genuine, particularly when it comes to our families — that’s what should be the guiding force in our lives.
When Harry and Meghan made the announcement that they were stepping back as senior members of the royal family, the message was clear: Meghan could handle a lot, but when it came to her child and her family, she had no interest in faking a smile and pretending she was OK. She wanted to “thrive, not survive.” (Incidentally, a great message for Archie to boot.).
Not surprising in the least, when the photos of Meghan wearing Archie in a baby carrier during a hike surfaced, days after she and Harry abdicated their titles, the duchess was slammed for wearing her son incorrectly. Everywhere on social media, people were criticizing Meghan’s parenting skills, surely solidifying the fact that her decision to step back was the right one. One person called for a “welfare check” on Meghan, while another said the duchess clearly “wasn’t a natural.”
Thankfully, a number of high-profile people came to Meghan’s defense, including Today’s Jenna Bush Hager, who implored moms to “lift each other up,” and Canadian TV personality Jessi Cruickshank, who, in addition to posting a photo of herself where she was wonkily carrying her child in a carrier, said: “Mom-shaming is our way of taking our own insecurities out on other moms.”
But we’re hoping that Meghan didn’t hear any of it — the good or the bad — while she was busy enjoying the beautiful Canadian landscape with her sweet baby snuggled close. Whether we call her move bravery or pure fearlessness to follow her heart, it’s definitely something every parent has the right to enjoy.