Your little one’s vocabulary is growing — and he’s showing off by interrupting every phone call, adult conversation, and millisecond when your attention is not planted squarely on him. Welcome to toddlerhood in all its talkative — sometimes annoying — glory. Rather than accepting interruptions while wistfully remembering the (relative) quiet of his pretalking days, realize this is a normal step in his social development that, like lots of other behaviors, just needs some firm guidance to get it right.
Interrupting Is Normal
Though you may wish that your child were perfectly refined from the get-go, interjecting is a natural impulse for kids. According to Dr. Alex Packer, psychologist, parenting expert and author of the manners guide “How Rude!,” “We need to remember that for the first years of life, many parents respond instantly to their child’s cries, needs and desires. So children are to be forgiven for assuming this will continue forever. Thus, the child needs to be weaned off an expectation parents helped to create.”
Interrupting is not an all-or-nothing behavior, and there are times when disruptions should be allowed. Dr. Wanda Draper, child development specialist and author of “Your Child is Smarter Than You Think,” explains when it is and isn’t appropriate for your little one to interject. “It’s okay for your child to interrupt when it’s a real emergency, he can contribute something of value to the conversation, he’s ill or a situation needs adult attention,” says Draper. “It’s not okay if he’s seeking attention, showing off, acting out of jealousy, tattling, or trying to take the adult away from others in the conversation.” Part of teaching your child not to interrupt is helping him differentiate between essential information and topics that can wait. Here are some tips and tricks to get interruptions under control.
How to Stop Interruptions
- Teach polite language. There’s a nice and a not-so-nice way for your kiddo to interrupt, and using the correct signals is a start. “This means saying, ‘Excuse me, I’m sorry to interrupt,’ and waiting to be acknowledged,” says Packer. “Of course, the ‘excuse me’ is its own interruption, but we’re starting with baby steps to gradually introduce more self-control and social sensitivity.” When your child correctly interjects, you should acknowledge his politeness to reinforce the good behavior.
- Teach polite body language. Rather than jumping up and down screaming “Mommy,” Packer suggests teaching your kid to stand silently in your view to let you know he wants to say something, at which point you’ll find a place in your conversation to respond to him. Be sure to praise him for waiting politely before attending to him, or explain that he needs to wait until you’re done to have his request met.
- Ignore interruptions. Just as your child may have selective hearing when it’s time for bed, so too can parents be “unable” to hear interruptions. Let your child know that you cannot hear interruptions, and simply don’t respond to him if he doesn’t start appropriately asking for your attention. Of course, make sure it’s nothing urgent.
- Set limits. It sounds cliche, but it’s worth noting: If you want your child to be polite in public, teach politeness at home. Draper says, “Consistently setting and enforcing limits helps children learn. Children who are allowed to interrupt at home are likely to interrupt when guests are present, or when they go to other places.”
- Plan ahead. Boredom is a common cause of interrupting, so be prepared if you know your child will be in a situation where his best behavior is needed. Draper says, “Prevention is the best way to deal with disruptive or interruptive behavior.” Have toys, books or other quiet activities on hand for entertainment to keep your child from disrupting you — and others.
- Inform other caregivers. Once you have your strategy underway, it’s important to teach other caregivers your technique. Kindly requesting that grandparents or babysitters follow your method will increase consistency and will help end the poor behavior faster.
Make sure to check out How a Nanny Should Discipline Your Kids.
Remember, as with all new behaviors, teaching your child not to interrupt happens in stages. There will be setbacks, and it will take time for him to develop the self-control and awareness to know not to interrupt. You don’t want your child to feel hurt by a lack of attention, so be patient. Says Packer, “Parents who rebuff an interruption should always seek out the child afterwards to find out what the child wanted. It’s important for the child to understand that, while you weren’t available at that particular moment, you’re always there for him.”
Have trouble keeping your cool when your child misbehaves? Read more about dealing with difficult child behavior.
Victoria Georgoff is a freelance writer and psychotherapist who enjoys writing about parenting, helping other parents and, of course, being a parent herself. Follow her on Twitter.