For parents of toddlers, few things are more stressful than welcoming another child. In addition to the chaos that accompanies toddlerhood, suddenly they also have to contend with crippling exhaustion, lots of crying and the pressure of making sure both children get the attention they need. One mom on Reddit says she’s avoiding that stress by dealing with the transition in an unexpected way: Instead of keeping her toddler at home with her during maternity leave, she’s still sending her to daycare.
“The thought didn’t even cross our minds to pull our toddler out of daycare while I’m on leave,” the mom wrote in a now-deleted post on the Working Moms Subreddit (the comments are still there). She gets 24 weeks of leave from her job, which is more parental leave than many other U.S. moms get, and she decided the best way to handle her time away from work is to only have one child at home for most of the day. The only downside is that people have tried to guilt-trip and mom-shame her for not keeping her toddler home as well. Even her own mother has given her grief about her choice, she adds.
“When people question it, I give the following answer,” she writes. “She [my toddler] would lose her spot in school if we pulled her, and she likes going. Her friends are there, and she loves to play all day. If she was home with me all day, she would get way less attention and stimulation. Also, my husband works from home, so the house would be chaos, and I’d be constantly trying to keep the toddler out of his office.”
In addition to all of the practical reasons for keeping up her daycare routine, the mom says she’s also enjoying a precious few weeks to bond with her newborn without the pressure of parenting two children at once.
“A kid’s life is already upended when a new baby comes home. Why would you want to disrupt their routine even more? This is the best situation for everyone involved.”
Why working moms swear by postpartum help
There’s nothing wrong with keeping a child in a positive daycare environment and maintaining their routine during a maternity leave, but far too many moms are still shamed for doing this. That’s why this mom’s post hit Reddit like a breath of fresh air. Hundreds of other moms have left comments applauding her confident stance and sharing that they handled their own maternity leaves exactly the same way.
“Mine are four years apart, and I 100% kept the oldest in daycare when I had the new babe and was on maternity leave,” one mom writes. “I’m sorry you felt the need to defend this position. I kind of saw it as an equality thing, too. Baby number one had all my time and attention, so why not baby number two, at least while I can? It really helped us form our own bond.”
“I hired a nanny part time when I was on leave. It was a game-changer,” another person adds. “The baby also got better care than she would have just from me because I was so drained and exhausted all the time. It gave me time to eat, nap, run errands or just chill and read a book.”
Many moms also pointed out that keeping a stable routine is beneficial for a toddler with a new sibling. “A kid’s life is already upended when a new baby comes home,” one person explains. “Why would you want to disrupt their routine even more? This is the best situation for everyone involved.”
The bottom line on maternity leave child care
Finding a great child care requires a significant time and financial investment from most parents. There’s no reason to give that up just because one or both parents will have a different schedule for a few weeks. Plus, access to quality care can provide moms with vital help and support they need during the postpartum period.
Maternity leave is a time for moms to heal, bond with their new infant and adjust to their updated roles as a parent, partner and worker. Rather than begrudging them useful tools, like daycare, that can make the transition easier, we should support moms in making whatever decision feels most practical and beneficial for their family. Child care is an essential service, and it’s an important part of the so-called village it takes to raise each child well.