You’ve likely heard the phrase, “Sharing is caring.” Perhaps you’ve even used some version of this expression when talking to the children in your life. It’s true that sharing is a way to show we care for others, but it’s not an automatic skill we hold — it’s a developmental milestone that has to be established and nourished.
“Learning to harness the ability to share and show empathy towards others goes hand-in-hand,” says Elizabeth Fraley, an elementary education expert and CEO of Kinder Ready, a Los Angeles-based education program for young children. “Developing social and emotional awareness, particularly learning to share, will set the tone for other social and emotional readiness skills down the road.”
Though sharing is an important foundational skill, Fraley notes that encouraging sharing requires effort both at home and in educational settings. Here, experts share how to teach this important skill, as well as helpful sharing activities for toddlers and preschoolers.
The importance of sharing for kids
“Teaching social-emotional skills, such as sharing, is crucial in early care and education,” explains Ashley Fehringer, senior training specialist for the parent, infant and early childhood (PIEC) team at the University of Maryland. “Often, challenging behaviors stem from gaps in our developing social-emotional skills, and intentionally teaching these skills can go a long way in preventing challenges.”
“By supporting children’s development of skills like sharing, we are equipping children with the tools to navigate their world more effectively.”
— Ashley Fehringer, parent, infant and early childhood specialist, University of Maryland
She notes that sharing is a key focus of the Maryland Pyramid Model, an evidence-based framework that promotes and supports the healthy, social-emotional development of all children. Developmentally, sharing is still an emerging skill for toddlers and preschoolers, but Fehringer explains that early introductions to sharing help lay the foundation for future behaviors and conflict resolution skills.
“[Imagine] two 3-year-olds are playing side-by-side when one grabs the toy the other is using. This leads to tears and hitting as they struggle to reclaim the toy, resulting in both children crying,” she explains. “By supporting children’s development of skills like sharing, we are equipping children with the tools to navigate their world more effectively.”
Signs of sharing readiness
Both Fraley and Fehringer highlight the following behaviors as evidence that children may have reached the sharing stage of development, a process that usually begins around 3 years old:
- Increased eye contact.
- Displaying body language that acknowledges others.
- Showing interest in what other children are doing and playing with.
- An emerging sense of empathy.
- Better emotional regulation.
- Ability to tolerate disappointment.
“When children have moved out of the parallel play stage, they are ready to engage with their peers in play and thus begin to share,” Fraley says; however, she notes that every child is unique in their own developmental path and readiness.
Sharing activities for toddlers
From birth to age 3, the experts say parents, caregivers and educators can encourage sharing in the following ways:
1. Use sharing-friendly books and media
Read books that expose children to examples of sharing. Some reading suggestions from the experts include:
- “Share and Take Turns” by Cheri J. Meiners.
- “Llama Llama Time To Share” by Anna Dewdney.
You can also incorporate sharing-focused games into your daily activities and routine, such as Friends and Neighbors: The Helping Game.
2. Play the “Magic Ball” game
This is a toddler-friendly, hot potato-style game that’s a great way to teach kids how to share. To play, simply pass a ball from one person to the next as you sing the “Magic Ball” song together.
3. Narrate and model sharing
“For example, parents and caregivers can say, ‘I am going to eat a snack. Would you like to share my snack with me?'” says Fehringer. As you eat, you might add, “Look at us sharing this snack together!”
“Saying things like, ‘Thank you so much for sharing your toy with me; that made me so happy,’ when your child naturally engages in sharing helps reinforce desired behaviors.”
— Ashley Fehringer
4. Share your attention
Have your child and a sibling or friend sit next to you at the same time, and interact with each of them separately. Play a game, like pat-a-cake, with your toddler, and then let them observe while you play tic-tac-toe with the other child.
5. Offer positive feedback
“Saying things like, ‘Thank you so much for sharing your toy with me; that made me so happy,’ when your child naturally engages in sharing helps reinforce desired behaviors,” Fehringer says.
Sharing activities for preschoolers
Preschool (usually ages 3-5) is when kids can start to “understand what others might be thinking and recognize that it hurts when someone doesn’t share,” Fehringer says. For teaching sharing to preschoolers, try the following:
1. Create sharing-rich play environments
Practice sharing in an easy environment by creating play areas where children naturally play and interact together. These might include:
- Play kitchens.
- Sandboxes.
- Gardens.
- Designated toy boxes or toy areas.
These places can offer multiple opportunities to share and work together. For example, the school garden (or your home garden!) can provide opportunities for children to handle and share materials to plant seeds, shovel, etc.
2. Highlight natural occurrences of sharing
Model positive sharing interactions by saying things like, “I like how you’re sharing the truck with Angela,” or “Kendra, it was so nice of you to give Amy a napkin at snack time.”
3. Play board games
“For older students who are 4-5 years old, you can enrich their sharing through board games,” says Fraley. “The most difficult part of sharing is waiting. Through board games, children can work on waiting in a fun and productive way.”
4. Paint a picture
Teach kids to share by coloring or painting something together and sharing the art tools that you’re using. As you work, use verbal cues to ask for supplies and indicate when you’re done using them.
5. Label toys and belongings
In the classroom, parents can label their child’s toys,” Fraley says. “The child can explain that the toy belongs to them, but they’re willing to share, as long as the child asks to use it first.”
Colored stickers can be a great tool for labeling and encouraging sharing. “For example, if a set of twin daughters had pink and purple stickers [on their items], before using a purple-stickered toy, the child with the pink-stickered toys would need to ask permission.”
Other strategies to encourage sharing for kids
Fraley highlights teachers’ and parents’ roles in transmitting lessons on sharing through discussion and modeling. “For example, if there are six cookies and six children, you’d want to ensure each child gets a cookie,” she offers. “If there are three toy trucks and six students, you’d want to allow a group of three kids to use the toys, and then have the remaining students play with the set of toys after a few minutes.”
Children with advanced social skills may offer sharing on their own accord or offer a “trade” with other kids. Others may need more support and intervention. “You might need to set up play scenarios… and spend more time reinforcing the skill,” Fraley says.
Regardless of who initiates sharing, she suggests that parents and teachers facilitate sharing by establishing “play rules” while giving children space to negotiate terms before intervention. The experts we spoke to recommend the following play rules to encourage sharing for toddlers and preschoolers:
- Remind kids to ask for a toy versus taking a toy without asking.
- Direct children to “use their words” to identify when they are done with the toy or tool.
- Use “please” and “thank you.”
- Encouraging “gentle hands” with a “calm body.”
- Correct behavior that doesn’t demonstrate sharing.
Additionally, they add, after kids have spent time socializing, ask engaging questions like:
- Who did you share with today?
- Why is sharing good for us?
- How does it make you feel to share?
Learning when it’s OK not to share
While sharing is an essential skill, it’s not always required. Learning when not to share is equally important as learning how to share.
Fehringer says teaching children when not to share provides crucial lessons around personal boundaries, fairness, respect for others and empathy. “For example, little girls are often expected to be nurturers and may have greater sharing expectations placed on them than boys,” she says. In such instances, it’s important to teach young girls that it’s OK not to share their snack or favorite toy.
She notes that when kids have special items they don’t have to share, like a favorite stuffed animal or blanket, it can help jumpstart these lessons. Adults should also help kids identify situations where sharing is not appropriate, such as for health reasons. Kids shouldn’t share personal hygiene items, and it’s important to help them understand the importance of health and safety in their interactions.
In situations where sharing isn’t necessary or appropriate, help children develop other viable solutions. For example, Fehringer says, if a child doesn’t want to share a toy, they could offer to play with it together instead.
The bottom line
Knowing how and when to share is an essential social skill, but parents and caregivers may struggle to teach these lessons, and that’s where vital resources and sharing activities come to the rescue. Many fun activities can help teach sharing to children of various stages.
As a parent or caregiver, you can help reinforce sharing skills by paying attention to developmental cues, modeling the skill yourself and encouraging age-appropriate activities. If you want more resources, Fehringer recommends the Maryland Pyramid Model, a resource for providers and families to find helpful teaching tools and local support. Other early childhood behavioral health resources are housed at Kids Thrive Maryland.
Most importantly, remember that everyday interactions are great opportunities to introduce and reinforce sharing skills with kids of all ages.
