Lately, my oldest son has been dealing with a lot of issues surrounding peer pressure. Sometimes it’s as though he’s only doing things to feel like he belongs and fits in with everyone else. Even when he doesn’t realize it and even if he can’t say out loud “I don’t want to be different,” his actions are screaming, “I just want to be like everyone else.” When did we become a society that praises people to all be the same? When did we stop encouraging our differences? I’m not sure, maybe we do encourage differences, but not in the ways we should. I think it’s hard growing up, I think it’s hard having all these changing happening to your mind and body and you just want to have a sense of normal. A sense that you have friends and fit in somewhere. I think it goes back to basic biology, we are pack animals in a sense, we all want to belong somewhere, and finding commonalities and “belonging” somewhere is almost like a survival instinct. I know that sounds strange, but when you really think about it, it makes sense. You feel safer in groups, less vulnerable.
I’ve been working a lot on talking to my son about peer pressure, but I think he’s just at an age where he doesn’t feel like it actually is peer pressure if that makes sense. It’s hard for him to identify something as peer pressure. I think the other side of the coin is that the kids acting with “peer pressure,” don’t necessarily realize they’re doing it in entirety either. I think they all just have this inclination to fear things that are different and want to have a sense of safety and security that goes with belonging.
So, if you’re in a similar situation to myself, then it’s going to be hard to talk about peer pressure, when children don’t fully understand how to recognize it. It’s hard for anyone to just take a step back and look at the bigger picture, so we expect a lot of our kids when we talk to them about peer pressure and what’s right and wrong.
I think one of the best ways to open up a discussion on the topic of peer pressure is to ask your child the following questions: What is peer pressure? Can you tell me an example of peer pressure? How would you handle that situation?
It will give you a sense of what your child thinks and understands, and then you can go on to provide concrete examples of peer pressure and examples of what isn’t peer pressure. There are also positive and negative examples of peer pressure which can be difficult to understand.
Clearly explain how peer pressure works, that peer pressure is the inclination to do something because someone’s friends or peers do it. It can be everything from studying really hard and getting the best grades to drinking and engaging in risky behaviors. It’s really any behavior that isn’t contrary to the behavior of your friends, it’s when you make a decision based on the influence of others. I think it’s a hard concept to understand because we all tend to make decisions based on other people.
Here’s a list of both positive and negative examples of peer pressure that may be helpful for you to explain to your child what the difference is between types of peer pressure:
https://www.radicalparenting.com/2012/01/07/10-examples-of-peer-pressure/
Understand that your child will do things because of peer pressure
We’ve all done it, and even as adults it’s really hard to just have completely unbiased opinions and reasons for our actions. There are societal pressures and peer pressures, and navigating through this is a challenge for anyone. Your child will at times do something just because their friends do it and use those times as a teaching experience and a way to help your child learn. People learn from their choices and decisions so make every lesson count.
