Homework is a rite of passage for most students. However, out of growing concern that assignments are overwhelming students, many parents and caregivers are expressing the need to set limits and boundaries around homework.
“A child’s life can become out of balance if they have too much homework on hand,” confirms Michelle English, licensed clinical social worker and co-founder and executive clinical manager at Healthy Life Recovery. “Hours of additional homework can result in little time remaining for leisure activities, family time and play.”
The stress of this imbalance can impact physical and social well-being, says English, but parents and teachers can develop workarounds that satisfy everyone’s needs while still ensuring the child’s academic success.
Here’s how you can have conversations with your child’s teacher to create boundaries around homework — or opt out all together.
Why kids should have homework
Homework can reinforce classroom learning, help kids develop crucial skills and encourage them to work independently, points out Eric Eng, a college admissions expert and the founder and CEO of AdmissionSight, a leading college admissions counseling company dedicated to helping students reach their Ivy League dreams. But the amount and complexity of homework should be adjusted according to a student’s age, developmental ability and student activities.
“Educators could consider introducing flexible homework policies, allowing students to choose tasks that suit their learning style and family circumstances,” suggests Eng.
They might also consider broad guidelines from the National Education Association (NEA), which supports the “10-minute rule” for homework. This guidance suggests that 10 minutes of homework a night should be given per grade level, starting in first grade. For instance, first graders should have 10 minutes whereas sixth graders might have an hour.
“Educators could consider introducing flexible homework policies, allowing students to choose tasks that suit their learning style and family circumstances.”
—Eric Eng, a college admissions expert
Teachers also acknowledge that if parents want to say no to homework, particularly in elementary and middle school, it’s possible to adjust expectations without losing the benefits of continuous learning.
Former teacher and principal Jeanne Huybrechts, who holds her doctorate of education and is the Chief Academic Officer at Stratford School, encourages teachers to evaluate homework often, considering whether it “meets the mark in terms of fulfilling the goals of homework.” Questions that may help a teacher — or a parent — do this:
- Do the assignments offer an opportunity for independent learning?
- Do they preparing a student for a classroom lesson?
- Do they provide a student the chance to learn outside of school?
How to know when your child is being assigned too much homework
When at-home assignments interfere with important family time and when a child feels resentment toward homework and school, they may be overloaded by homework, says English. “Hectic evenings of trying to get through dinner, [getting kids to bed] and attempting to finish all the unfinished homework can be mentally and physically draining [for everyone],” she notes.
And while some parents don’t think they can place restrictions on their child’s education, English says it’s crucial to do so when the family’s overall well-being is at risk.
In addition to a lack of time, additional education inequities and cultural insensitivities lead families to feel pressure and stress to complete homework. When students don’t have the resources they need to complete assignments, caregivers may be overwhelmed and afraid of the consequences for their child and the family if homework can’t be completed.
“It’s important [for teachers to know] what language a child speaks at home, what level of education their parents have, and whether a student lives with their parents or if they may be in a group home or foster care,” says Arelie Estevez, a licensed mental health counselor.
If parents don’t have time or the education needed to make homework possible or enjoyable, then it’s likely too much, Estevez says.
Estevez says that when teachers are aware that each child’s family is different, cultural implications can be addressed. This makes building and creating safe relationships with families easier for teachers because they enter the conversation with awareness and sensitivity. This means families will be more willing to discuss some of these issues.
How to talk to your child’s teacher about managing homework
“[Conversations] about reducing homework should be approached delicately,” says Haley Hicks, licensed clinical social worker and Vice President of Admissions at Basepoint Academy. She says it’s important to clarify that your concern is about your child’s well-being and learning effectiveness, rather than simply wanting less homework. Here’s how to start the conversation and advocate for your family.
Acknowledge the teacher’s position
Start by expressing appreciation for the teacher’s work and acknowledging the value of reinforcing classroom learning, suggests Hicks. Showing you understand their position can make it easier to share the observations you are seeing with your child at home, she says.
Maintain open lines of communication
“Open communication between educators and caregivers can go a long way in addressing [homework],” says Eng. This way, concerns about the amount or nature of the homework can be addressed promptly, he notes.
When Kristen Mae’s, Florida mom of two, son was in third grade, she started to set boundaries around homework because his ADHD was impacting his ability to finish it. “By the evening, his meds were out of his system, and it was a battle every night,” she says. Mae decided to reach out to the teacher to tell her what was happening. “She basically said, ‘Don’t [have those battles]. It’s not supposed to be torture, and he’s not learning anything that way anyway.’”
Express your desire to find a solution
Ahead of going into the conversation, try not to think about it as addressing a conflict but as a way to find an effective solution for everyone when homework is creating more stress than benefits, says English. The goal for both parents and educators should be the well-being of the family and child.
Huybrechts says that it’s best if a parent and teacher can work jointly to find a solution for the student.
She says that attentive teachers are constantly refining their lessons and homework so that assignments are both developmentally appropriate and provide students with an effective learning opportunity. In fact, cutting back on homework in some instances might be a correction that the teacher initiates, points out Huybrechts.
When to opt out of homework entirely — and how to do it
When homework isn’t adding anything to learning, the child is meeting all academic requirements according to their skill level and their assignment load is causing too much stress and anxiety, it is OK to opt out of homework completely, says Estevez.
Homework may not be effective for some children, add Hicks. This can be for a variety of reasons, including different learning styles, difficulty focusing at home and outside of a structured school environment or family and home dynamics.
Ultimately, when homework is no longer serving its purpose as a learning tool, it’s time to opt out.
When Mae’s now college-bound son was a third grader, she cut homework out of their nightly schedule. She then looked at his ability to do homework assignments on a case-by-case basis. “Having that [third grade] teacher give us permission was like a revelation: ‘I can say no to homework,’” she says. “And when we needed to, I did.”
Here are more ways to build on the conversations you may have already been having with teachers so that you can say no to homework when you need to.
Collaborate with the teacher
Hicks says that by building a collaborative relationship with a teacher, a problem-solving mindset can guide the process.
“Meeting with the teacher early and in the spirit of collaboration — wanting to help the child do
what the teacher has asked — signals to the teacher that the parent intends to be a partner,” says Huybrechts. Resolving the issue may take time and a series of steps, but the plan will be more effective if there is a common goal in place, she says.
“Parents should feel confident in their ability to express their concerns to teachers and set boundaries that are suitable for their family’s requirements.”
—Michelle English, a licensed clinical social worker
Suggest homework alternatives
Both Hicks and Eng suggest finding alternative learning methods that aren’t the generally prescribed homework assignments. For instance, project-based learning, (geocaching or planning a garden), real-world applications (writing to a state representative) or allowing students to choose tasks (reading assignment) that suit their learning style and family circumstances may be a solution.
Keep your child involved
If it’s appropriate, have your child advocate for themselves and express their feelings and ideas about homework, suggests Hicks. That can lead to more individualized solutions, she says.
“Anytime you give the child the power to make their own choices and be in the driver’s seat of their life, you are creating a balance for them,” notes Estevez. During the school day, students must follow directions and meet expectations. But outside of school, they should have some autonomy and ability to make decisions with their parents, she says.
“I like to work with kids by helping them see school as their only job; they are to be successful when at their ‘job,’ but when they go home, that is their safe space where they should have a chance to relax and reflect,” explains Estevez.
Consult professionals
“If your child has a diagnosed learning difference or attention disorder, consider involving a school counselor, psychologist or other professional who can provide expert advice and support,” says Hicks.
You can also consult your district’s equity director or another student advocate at the school to help you navigate these discussions.
The bottom line on opting out of homework
As a parent or caregiver, your goal is to enhance your child’s learning experience and ensure they’re not overwhelmed or stressed by their homework. “Parents should feel confident in their ability to express their concerns to teachers and set boundaries that are suitable for their family’s requirements,” says English.
A long day of work and school will feel even longer if a student needs to complete homework, especially if parental assistance is required. If you add multiple kids with multiple assignments on top of extracurricular activities or simply the desire to relax, you get an equation that doesn’t add up for families.
With open and collaborative communication, you can create boundaries around homework with alternate solutions or the decision to opt out of it all together.