Babysitting is a great way for students and other adventurous adults to earn money — it’s flexible, the pay is good and it comes with adorable kiddos. But sometimes taking on a job isn’t possible, or frankly, worth it. And when such a situation arises, often the trickiest bit is figuring out how to tactfully say no and turn down the offer.
“While there are many benefits to babysitting, it can often be difficult to speak up or decline a gig,” says Lauren Schapiro, a licensed clinical social worker with Liz Morrison Therapy in New York City. “This can be for many different reasons, including the desire to be viewed as dependable.”
Whether you’re under the weather or just don’t feel comfortable with a job, nailing down your tactic for saying “no” is important. Here, Schapiro and others give advice on how to say no to babysitting.
“While there are many benefits to babysitting, it can often be difficult to speak up or decline a gig. This can be for many different reasons, including the desire to be viewed as dependable.”
— Lauren Schapiro, licensed clinical social worker
Why it can be hard to say no to babysitting
Most of us have been there before. You don’t want to come off as irresponsible, or maybe you’re caught off guard, so you wind up committing to a job or task you don’t want to do. It happens. And babysitters, especially those with less experience, Schapiro notes, are particularly susceptible.
Younger sitters may want to prove they’re dependable, which can make it hard to say no, explains Schapiro. “It can feel difficult to turn down a role because it may feel like the parents will view you differently after saying no,” she says, adding that, for many, babysitting is often a first job.
Another reason, plain and simple, is you are providing this babysitting service because you need to earn money. “This may be the main source of income for sitters, so it can feel hard to say no because it takes away financial freedom for the sitter,” Schapiro continues.
The importance of setting babysitting boundaries
It’s always important to set boundaries in every babysitting job, as it lays out what you’re willing, and not willing, to do. Put another way: When you’re upfront from the get-go, it eliminates being put in the awkward position of having to say no, as expectations are already laid out.
“Setting boundaries with the parents ensures that there is clear communication about rules within the home, hours to be worked, salary paid and more,” Schapiro says. “By doing this, there is no confusion for both parties.”
When Kayla T., a 14-year-old babysitter in Westfield, New Jersey was asked to watch two young kids until 1 a.m., her parents weren’t comfortable (nor was she). After speaking with her parents and determining it was too late, she clearly communicated the issue with the asking family.
“They understood,” Kayla says. “And now they only ask me to watch their kids until about 11 p.m.” In other words: Clear, upfront communication makes things easier all around.
And of course on the flip side, parents seeking care need to set boundaries. “When parents make the rules of the home, hours to be worked, salary and more clear, it helps eliminate confusion for both parties,” explains Schapiro.
Reasons to say no to babysitting
Since no two situations are alike, reasons to say no to a babysitting job can run the gamut. But here are few reasons, according to both Schapiro and Lora Brawley, founder of Nanny Care Hub in Ocean Shores, Washington:
Job-related reasons:
- The family never pays in a timely manner.
- Unfair pay. (However, Brawley notes, once you accept a rate, you should do that job for the rate then renegotiate a higher rate.)
- You were given incorrect information about the children (e.g., parent didn’t mention a child had special needs in the hiring conversation but mentions it when you arrive).
- The parents are unprofessional (e.g., they refuse to provide emergency contact information and dismiss the request as unnecessary).
- The home environment is unsafe (e.g., there are unsecured handguns or an aggressive dog).
- The parents are aggressive, harassing, belittling or the situation just feels off.
- You’re unable to get to or from the sitting home safely (e.g., the bus isn’t safe during late night hours).
Personal reasons:
- There’s a family emergency.
- You’re sick.
- There’s a conflicting event that has special significance.
- You have too much schoolwork or generally feel overwhelmed.
The last reason, Schapiro notes, is particularly important for teens. “If you’re too busy with extracurriculars, you may need a break to practice self-care and make sure you’re showing up as your best self when you do have availability to work,” she says. “Also, teens should be prioritizing their education — and if you’re feeling overwhelmed by school, it could potentially lead you to be less focused during the babysitting job.”
How to say no to babysitting
The million dollar question — how to say no to babysitting. The best way, Schapiro notes, is before it even happens.
“Communicate your availability, or lack thereof, as early as possible,” she says. “You want to give the parents the opportunity to find care elsewhere if you are unable to help.”
“One way to be able to communicate this information could be staying organized with a calendar and adding all your weekly activities and assignments so you can see if the babysitting role is feasible or not,” she continues.
When you’re asked to babysit and can’t — and there will be times when this happens! — Brawley stresses the importance of being both direct and courteous. She notes: “You can say, ‘Thank you for asking me to babysit for your family; however, I’m unavailable to sit for you that evening.’” There’s no need, she says, to get into specifics.
In the case where you’ve previously babysat for a family and no longer want to, keep your answer “short and sweet” if they ask you to sit again, Brawley says. “Don’t lie, and don’t offer too many details,” she notes. “Always keep the reason about you because no one can argue with your needs and feelings.”
“You can say: ‘I really appreciate you thinking of me, however, I’m not able to sit for your family anymore. [Insert reason.]’”
A few scripts you can use to explain your reasons, per Brawley:
- I’ve decided to limit the number of families I sit for, and I’m fully booked.
- My needs have changed, and I’m asking for a higher rate. (If you know they won’t pay it.)
- I’m looking to expand my experience with toddlers, so I’m focused on families with that age group. (If you like working with toddlers and they have a different age group.)
The bottom line
Juggling school, extracurriculars and more can make turning down babysitting jobs now and again inevitable. The important thing, Brawley notes, is doing it tactfully and and as early as possible.
Brawley also adds that sometimes you may not be completely clear on why you feel like you should turn down a job, and that’s OK, too. “Overall, if you’re uncomfortable for whatever reason, that’s enough,” she says. “Always follow your instincts.”
