After the pervasive era of “good job!” and participation trophies for stepping onto a soccer pitch, many parents, thanks to research, are embarking on a new age of child rearing: Cultivating a growth mindset for kids, or more colloquially, showing their children the benefits of failing. This may sound ominous at first, but for kids who are regularly trying new things and testing out potential passions, having a growth mindset is wildly beneficial.
“There is a grittiness to a growth mindset,” says Jennifer Kelman, a licensed clinical social worker in Boca Raton, Florida and JustAnswer parenting expert. “That grit allows kids to persevere when times feel tough and not give up when things don’t come naturally.”
Whether you’re curious about the overall concept or are looking for growth mindset activities for kids, here’s what to know about instilling a stick-to-it attitude in kids.
What is a growth mindset?
The “growth mindset” phrase has gotten buzzy recently on social media, but the term was first coined by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck in 2006. Dweck notes in her book, “Mindset,” that a growth mindset is having the belief that, with practice, skills or intelligence can and will improve, as abilities are malleable. This, she says, is the opposite of a fixed mindset, which is the belief that one’s abilities are set.
Why a growth mindset for kids is important
A growth mindset helps kids (and adults) stick with things, even when they’re not the best at said things. When kids have a growth mindset, they don’t get completely discouraged by failures, but instead use them as opportunities to learn and get better.
“It’s like learning to ride a bike,” explains Melissa Jones, empowerment coach, parenting educator and founder of Girls Positivity Club. “At first, it’s wobbly and hard, but with practice, kids get better. Challenges become opportunities to grow.”
Jones uses schoolwork as another example: “When your child struggles with a math problem, a growth mindset means saying, ‘It’s OK: mistakes help us learn. Let’s figure it out together,’” she says. “It’s about seeing setbacks as stepping stones to success.”
On the flip side, when a child (or adult) has a fixed mindset, they blanketly interpret setbacks as “not being good” at a particular thing, be it math, baseball or art.
“We all have our abilities and talents,” Kelman says. “But without nurturing them, or trying new things, those talents can only take us so far. When kids are closed to improving and learning, it’s harder to grow; and if they rest on abilities alone, they’ll be stagnant.”
“We all have our abilities and talents. But without nurturing them, or trying new things, those talents can only take us so far.”
— Jennifer Kelman, licensed clinical social worker
How to teach a growth mindset?
Just as some kids are naturally funnier or more artistic than others, some kids have more of a propensity toward a growth mindset. (I have three children, and one, through very little parental intervention, naturally has this attitude.) That said, it can be taught. Here’s how:
1. Model a growth approach
“Do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t work. Ever. So it isn’t enough to talk to kids about the importance of a growth mindset — you need to walk the walk.
“Parents can show their kids how to work through obstacles by staying positive, avoiding negative talk or complaining and showing joy when encountering challenges,” Kelman says. “Kids rarely respond to being told to be open, learn and have grit, but if they see others around them pushing through, they may learn to do it themselves.”
2. Emphasize effort
In Dweck’s seminal work, an experiment involving 400 fifth graders, she found that praising kids’ effort over their intelligence inspired them to take more risks and keep trying. The reason, as noted in a years-later article in “The Atlantic,” is that when kids attach themselves to something (being smart, being an athlete), “they also tend to develop vulnerability around relinquishing that label.”
“Parents can encourage a growth mindset by appreciating kids’ effort and showing them that it’s OK to make mistakes, as they’re just steps toward learning and growing,” explains Jones. “When your child faces a setback, instead of saying, ‘You’re so smart,’ say, ‘I’m proud of your hard work and effort.’ This way, they learn that effort leads to success.”
3. Create a judgment-free zone
In order for kids to feel comfortable making mistakes, parents need to create a comfortable environment.
“Give children a judgment-free space to learn,” says Kelman. “If we criticize our kids for not understanding things or show frustration when they don’t push through, it is less likely the child will be able to push through.”
4. Give “hard” tasks
Whether it’s a chore or reading a book or talking to someone new, Kelman encourages parents to have their kids try “something hard every day of their life.”
“They can pick the task, as long as it is something that pushes them out of their comfort zone,” she says. “Talk with them afterward about how each step felt. Ask them if they wanted to give up, what kept them going and how they feel having the grit to work through it all. Have them discuss what they learned about the task and themselves after achieving.”
5. Share your own setbacks
Kids may roll their eyes at your stories of “way back when,” but, Jones notes, they can go a long way when it comes to showing what it means to stick with something.
“When you share personal stories of challenges and how they were overcome, it can provide powerful inspiration for kids,” says Jones. “These stories highlight that setbacks are merely stepping stones toward eventual success, encouraging children to persevere no matter how hard it seems.”
“When I told my daughter I was a ‘horrible’ runner when I was younger, she was shocked,” says Amanda Lau, a mom of two in Scotch Plains, New Jersey, who now runs marathons. “I think she thought I was always just good at it and didn’t have to work.”
“When I told my daughter I was a ‘horrible’ runner when I was younger, she was shocked. I think she thought I was always just good at it and didn’t have to work.”
— Amanda Lau, parent of two
What are the benefits of a growth mindset for kids?
The gains of having a growth mindset are vast and lifelong, note experts. Here are a few ways kids benefit from this attitude, according to Jones and Kelman.
1. Perseverance
Perhaps the most obvious benefit of adopting this way of thinking is that it helps kids persevere when things don’t unfold to their liking. “Without a growth mindset, or an open mind, kids may give up when things are hard,” Kelman says. “They may take constructive criticism to heart and feel daunted by pushing through.” On the other hand, she notes, taking a growth mindset approach furthers their progress in a particular area, as well as personally.
2. Open-mindedness
To have a growth mindset is to have an open mind, Kelman says, noting that the latter often leads to learning new ideas or ways of doing things. “When kids are closed off to new ideas, they give up when things don’t come naturally,” she says, “and they do what they can to avoid the discomfort of growth.”
Through the openness of a growth mindset, Kelman continues, kids often find improvement and/or meet their goal, which, in turn, leaves them feeling “energized and enhanced.”
3. Confidence
According to Jones, the more experience you have failing, the better you are at handling it and leveraging it for growth.
“Having a growth mindset helps kids face challenges with confidence,” she says. “It’s like teaching them that every mistake is a chance to learn something new. Instead of feeling down when things are tough, they understand that they can get better at anything with determination.”
“Imagine your child facing a difficult school project,” Jones continues. “With a growth mindset, they won’t give up. They’ll think, ‘I might not understand it now, but I can learn.’ This attitude helps them face challenges, both big and small, with confidence, knowing that effort and practice lead to improvement.”
4. Resilience
A growth mindset helps kids stay the course when things get tough, and through this practice, says Jones, it creates an overall resilience in kids.
“This type of attitude helps kids bounce back after a setback, boosting their confidence to face new challenges,” Jones explains. “When kids believe they can improve with effort, they stay motivated. It’s like giving them a toolkit for life, where they keep growing, learning and believing in themselves.”
“It’s like giving them a toolkit for life, where they keep growing, learning and believing in themselves.”
— Melissa Jones, empowerment coach, parenting educator and founder of Girls Positivity Club
5. Achievement
According to Kelman, having an expansive mind is one of the most important things in life, and ultimately, it can lead to success in the form of vast improvement and/or accomplishing goals.
“Kids and adults have more of a chance to achieve what they desire with a growth mindset,” Kelman says. “All the natural ability in the world isn’t enough. Work ethic, grit and a growth mindset beats innate talent all the time.”
The bottom line
There’s no one right way to raise kids (and even Dweck herself has said that we are all a “mixture” of both a fixed and growth mindset), but encouraging kids to be open, work hard and believe that improvement isn’t just possible, but inevitable, will almost certainly have a positive impact.
“A growth mindset is like a superpower,” Jones says. “It helps kids bounce back. Imagine your child not making the soccer team. With a growth mindset, they might feel sad at first, but then they’ll think, ‘I can practice more and try again next year.’ It keeps them motivated to learn new things, whether it’s school subjects, sports or making new friends. It’s a mindset that helps them believe in themselves, no matter the challenges.”
