Having an aging loved one in a nursing home, assisted living residence or other long-term care facility often presents family caregivers with pros and cons. Michelle S. knows this all too well. Grateful that her father, who is in a nursing home, is able to receive the 24-hour medical attention he needs, she says she’s also frustrated when she can’t reach anyone at the front desk to discuss his care. “It’s hard to not know exactly what’s going on,” she says.
Overcrowding and chronic nursing shortages may contribute to gaps in communication between nursing-home staff and families. One recent study found that more than half of U.S. nursing homes had lower-than-recommended nurse staffing levels, and 25% had “dangerously low staffing.” What’s more, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, many nursing homes have cut back their visiting hours and implemented new safety measures that can make it even more difficult to get in touch.
However, communication is key to ensure your loved one gets the care they need. “Families know their loved one best — they are a resident’s best advocate,” says Nora O’Brien, executive director, United Hebrew of New Rochelle’s Willow Gardens Memory Care and Willow Towers Assisted Living in New York.
Here are six expert-backed tips for getting updates from your loved one’s long-term care facility.
1. Get family on the same page
Nursing homes are accustomed to dealing with complicated family dynamics, says O’Brien. But for the most seamless experience, it’s best for families to decide on a plan of care and designate one person as the point of contact.
“My mom is the point person for my dad’s nursing home,” explains Michelle. “They know to call her with any updates, and then she’ll spread the word via phone or text to me and other family members. This way, we avoid any confusion or arguments about who’s in charge.”
“We know our seniors had rich, full lives. Providing information about your family member can help staff provide the best possible care for them.”
— NORA O’BRIEN, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF WILLOW GARDENS MEMORY CARE IN NEW ROCHELLE, NEW YORK
It’s also important to make sure your family’s point of contact is officially listed as a health care proxy for your loved one, adds O’Brien. Proxy laws allow the appointed person to make important decisions about their loved one’s care. Forms to appoint a health care proxy vary from state to state and generally do not require a lawyer. Once signed and witnessed according to the directions on the form, send a copy to your loved one’s health care facility.
2. Share your loved one’s story
With nurses caring for as many as 40 residents at a time, personalized attention may seem in short supply. “It sometimes feels like my dad is just another patient to deal with, another problem to fix,” says Michelle.
It’s essential for family caregivers to make their loved one’s personal habits, traits and preferences known to the staff. “We know our seniors had rich, full lives before entering our residences,” says O’Brien. “Providing information about your family member can help staff provide the best possible care for them.”
These strategies can help you personalize your loved one’s experience:
- Keep their room decorated with things they enjoy — like family photos, books, games, artwork and puzzles.
- Tell staff about their likes and dislikes and any personality quirks they should be aware of.
- Create a sign or nameplate with their preferred nickname.
- Keep a guestbook in their room, where visiting friends and family members can record and exchange stories and updates about them. If desired, invite staff to read the messages in the guestbook.
3. Optimize visiting hours
If you have the opportunity to visit your aging family member in person, it’s a good idea to time your trip in accordance with their specific needs, says O’Brien.
One example: “People with Alzheimer’s may sundown at the end of the day, so we encourage their families to come in the morning or early afternoon when they are more likely to be lucid and able to give updates on how they are doing,” she explains.
If your loved one has a hard time winding down at night, try paying a visit closer to bedtime to help with their evening routine. Some residents may enjoy eating meals or attending a crafts workshop with their families. Strategically planning visits this way helps maximize quality time and create less stress for residents, families and staff, says O’Brien.
4. Invest in tech solutions
“Hands down, the next best thing to in-person visits is FaceTime,” attests Michelle. Seeing your loved one’s face while you talk can help you ascertain how they are feeling emotionally and physically. Adds Michelle, “I recently discovered my dad was having seizures because he looked ‘off’ during a video call — something I wouldn’t have noticed from a regular phone call.” Michelle was able to relay her concerns to a nurse who came into her father’s room during the chat.
Not all seniors have the same level of comfort with technology, so try the following based on your loved one’s needs:
- If your family member already has their own device, try installing FaceTime, Zoom, Skype or another video conferencing app for them, so they just have to swipe to pick up when you call.
- For seniors who are less tech-savvy, consider the GrandPad, a simplified tablet with large text and buttons, plus added security features.
- If your loved one is unable to manage their own phone or tablet due to physical or mental conditions, see if the nursing home has devices available for sharing. Request a regular schedule for staff to bring a tablet to your loved one’s room for a chat via FaceTime, Zoom, Skype, Google Meet or another video conferencing app.
Digital photo frames that can be updated remotely are another great way for families to stay connected, says O’Brien: “Maybe Grandma can’t physically make it to her granddaughter’s dance recital, but a family member can upload photos to the frame, and she can feel like she was there.”
5. Consider hiring a care manager
If you live far away from the nursing home or are unable to visit as frequently as you’d like, hiring an aging life care manager, sometimes called a geriatric care manager, may help ease your concerns, says O’Brien. “Some families find it reassuring to have someone nearby on call who can help if a loved one needs something right away or visit them in case they have to go to the hospital,” she explains.
This licensed professional caregiver — often a nurse or social worker — will also be familiar with the medical terminology used by nursing staff and be able to translate it into language you’ll understand. You can search for a care manager on the Aging Life Care Association (ALCA) website or the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ Eldercare Locator.
6. Be kind and offer compliments
Research shows that nursing home staff experience high levels of stress and grief on the job, and burnout is prevalent. “Working at a nursing home can be thankless — constantly dealing with so many patients and cleaning up after them,” acknowledges Michelle.
In one study, nursing home administrators reported a six-to-one ratio of “complaint to compliment.” It sounds simple, but a kind word or gesture may go a long way in establishing a relationship with your family member’s caregivers. Try sending a card to the nurses’ station to thank them for taking care of your loved one, including your phone number and email address.
Although having a loved one in a long-term facility can provide peace of mind, it can also present challenges for families who want to stay on top of their care. Following these steps can help you keep in touch with your family member and their caregivers, ensuring everyone is on the same page.
Katie Choi is a writer, editor and curriculum developer who lives in Brooklyn with her husband and rescue dog. She’s covered health, nutrition, parenting, housekeeping and more for publications including Refinery29, Woman’s World, Scholastic, FamilyFun and Cosmopolitan. She loves young adult novels and believes in baking as therapy.
