When you were younger, chances are, Father’s Day was a fairly simple affair. Maybe you gifted him a handmade card in elementary school, treated him to a gift certificate at his favorite restaurant as a teen or even plopped a bow on his go-to hard liquor or beer and handed it to him in your early 20s.
Fast-forward a few decades, and the holiday might feel and look a bit different. Maybe Dad resides in a senior living community with (or without) a partner or is undergoing cognitive decline and memory loss. Or, maybe the relationship feels a bit distant.
“Father’s Day doesn’t change — we do,” notes Sharon Egitton, executive director of Vineyard Johns Creek, a senior living community outside Atlanta. “As both dads and their kids get older, Father’s Day celebrations don’t have to change, but might need to be modified a bit.”
Amy Cameron O’Rourke, a dedicated care manager and author of “The Fragile Years,” shares a similar sentiment about the day for senior dads: “This is often a time where physical and mental challenges can be occurring, as well as a loss of independence. [Many senior dads] are experiencing grief as they are losing energy and independence.”
Tina M. Baxter, a gerontological nurse practitioner, adds that Dad might also not feel so inclined to celebrate the holiday. “You might ask Dad what he wants for Father’s Day only to get a shrug,” she says. “Dad is often used to being the provider and might not be thrilled about being the receiver.”
The solution to that, says Baxter, is to do away with the notion of gift-giving on Father’s Day and instead replace that object with an actual experience or memory. “You can buy gifts, but what makes a memory is an experience. Tap into that emotion and demonstrate your love for him,” she suggests.
Here, Egitton, O’Rourke and Baxter share their favorite Father’s Day activities for seniors — regardless of health status and life stage.
Father’s Day activities for dads who have limited mobility
Take advantage of early entry options and prime seating
Thanks to the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), public venues are required by law to provide accessible options for all persons with limited mobility. As Egitton explains, many handicap seats offer some of the best views and accessibility options in the house — from the zoo to museums to concerts to professional sports games — making a day out to see an event a great celebration idea.
Plus, as Baxter adds, watching a game in-person can be a great way to tap into Dad’s love for a sport (even when he’s no longer able to play). “Most stadiums are handicap-accessible with wheelchair ramps and elevators,” she adds. “Be sure to take lots of pictures and videos so Dad can remember the special day.”
Think ordinary (but emotional)
For dads with limited mobility (and really, dads in general), O’Rourke says it’s key to first determine whether your father actually has the energy to go anywhere. She says that leaving the house doesn’t necessarily need to be a huge event, either. A long drive through old neighborhoods or to a lake is perfect.
“Ordinary is OK,” she explains. “Think of the outcome. An emotional connection is the most important outcome.”
So perhaps you order takeout from your dad’s favorite restaurant, or if he’s a history buff, you find an old movie on a topic of interest to him to watch, advises O’Rourke.
“Look at what your father liked to do in the past, and see if there is an adapted version of what that activity could be.”
— Amy Cameron O’Rourke, care manager
See if there is an adapted version of his passions
Whether Dad tinkered in the garage on cars or played in a local football league when you were growing up, maybe there’s a passion your father has had to put to the wayside in his later years due to limited mobility.
“Look at what your father liked to do in the past, and see if there is an adapted version of what that activity could be,” recommends O’Rourke. “For instance, if he liked woodwork, is there a show you can watch together on building or renovating a house? Is there a woodworking kit you can work on together? If he was an avid fisherman, perhaps an aquarium purchase or a trip to an aquarium could be in order.”
Father’s Day activities for dads with cognitive impairment
Rekindle memories you already know part of the story
As Egitton stresses, one of the best ways to celebrate Dad on Father’s Day when he has some cognitive impairment is tapping into some warm, fond memories.
“Phrasing a question is important when addressing a dad with moderate memory impairment,” she notes. “Avoid the phrase ‘Do you remember?’ and instead ask ‘Tell me about…’” using something you know about his early life, like playing center on his high school basketball team or when he knew your mom was the one for him.”
Tap into his senses
For O’Rourke, one of the best ways to ensure a dad with cognitive impairment enjoys his day is through his eyes, ears, nose and fingertips. “Think senses,” she says. “Smell, touch, emotions, hearing music.”
Egitton agrees. “Watch an old movie you both enjoyed in the past, go to his favorite restaurant, or look through old photos together,” she suggests.
Baxter is a big fan of baking for Father’s day. “Prepare his favorite meal,” she suggests. “Is there a meal that his mother used to make for him or a special recipe that brings back memories? My dad had a signature dish every Christmas. It is great to be able to recreate that dish for him.”
And, if the idea of eating that special meatloaf dish or watching a classic Western flick again seems repetitive, don’t worry too much, says O’Rourke. “The easy thing about memory impairment is [your older loved one] often doesn’t mind doing the same thing over and over. They often don’t have as much need for variety as you might need!”
Father’s Day activities when you can’t be together
Make a memory collage
If your father can’t be physically alongside you for the holiday, Baxter says that compiling memories via photographs can be an excellent way to rekindle some favorite moments together. “Make a poster with pictures of the family from favorite vacations, special days or fun times,” she suggests. “Label each photo with the name of the person in the picture and write a description of the activity.”
Take it a step further and frame the poster, Baxter adds.
“Do you have a favorite author you’ve both read or a podcast on a topic you are both interested in that you could discuss over lunch together? Discussing intellectual interests can help us form deeper connections.”
— Sharon Egitton, executive director of Vineyard Johns Creek
Best Father’s Day activities for seniors in general
Help him fulfill a bucket-list wish
Just because Dad isn’t as mobile, doesn’t mean he can’t live out a lifelong dream, says Baxter. “Maybe find something that Dad always wanted to do but never had the opportunity to do so,” she suggests. “Has he always wanted to skydive? If our former president can jump from a plane in his 80s, why can’t Dad if he chooses?” (And his doctor agrees, of course.)
Organize a guys’ day out
If Dad has friends nearby, use the holiday as an opportunity to truly allow him to let loose (with you chaperoning). Baxter suggests giving him a guys’ day out with his friends, taking them to their old haunts. “It will give you an opportunity to get to see your father in a new light and learn something new,” she notes.
Recreate a moment from the past
Do you have a particular memory of your father that you could recreate in both of your older ages? Turn that into a new memory, says Egitton.
“Why not revisit some activities you did together when you were younger, like taking a hike, going camping, taking a picnic to a favorite lake to go swimming, attending a concert or signing up for a seminar to learn more about a shared interest?” she suggests. “Do you have a favorite author you’ve both read or a podcast on a topic you are both interested in that you could discuss over lunch together? Discussing intellectual interests can help us form deeper connections.”
Take the pressure off
While all of the above suggestions are a surefire way to celebrate Father’s Day in style, O’Rourke says it’s important to ensure the day is about Dad. Which means if he’s not interested in celebrations, it’s important to honor that.
“Let him decide,” she stresses. “I would advise all adult children to take the pressure off of doing something unique for their dad and focus on quality time in whatever form you can give. And, if it hasn’t been the best relationship, short visits or cards to share a genuine memory.”
Don’t underestimate the power of physical touch
As O’Rourke explains, it’s common for more senior men to have some difficulty expressing emotions or communicating. Maybe you feel like your father is standoffish or eschews any type of sentimental gestures. And that’s OK. It’s important to honor his wishes.
Of course, Egitton does have one final thought on the matter: Most dads love hugs whether they admit it or not, she says, concluding, “Never underestimate the power of touch with the human spirit.”
