There is a huge amount of information available to new or expectant parents, about the changes we might expect in our lives after we have a baby, and thus prepare for – by running away to when we have a baby.
Almost nothing gets left out – from cracked nipples to incontinence, to how the hell are you ever going to afford this. It’s a huge barrel of laughs, really.
But given the enormous volume of advice, help and information out there about every minute and aspect of pregnancy and parenting, I’m always staggered by how much is left OUT. Stuff that affects us all, and yet is so rarely talked about that we wonder if we’re the only ones struggling with it.
So here, for you, are just some of the things they DIDN’T tell you about parenting.
- It’s OK not to love being a parent. I hate being a parent at least 18 times a day. Before breakfast. That doesn’t make me a bad parent. It makes me human.
- Whatever stage you’re at of parenting, it’s about to get a whole lot worse. You think babies are a nightmare? Wait until they’re toddlers. Think toddlers are hard work? Just wait until they’re teenagers. And so on. Enjoy what you can, while you can.
- You will never quite adjust to being a Mother. I am still 18. Yes, I am. In my head. But I am also a mother, and I have all of the responsibilities that brings, and I take them very seriously. I also love being a mother. But I’m ME, and I’m never going to feel anything other than young, child-free, independent me.
- Having children is the most difficult thing you’ll ever experience in your relationship. It will not mend a troubled relationship. Children are not like glue, fixing things and sticking them together. They are like napalm. If you can survive raising children with someone, and still love them, you’ve picked a winner.
- You will always feel that you’ve failed your children in some way (or many ways), and will forever feel guilty and wretched about this. This is normal. There’s no POINT feeling guilty, but you will. This is a sign of being a good parent.
- When they leave home, your heart will shatter into a billion pieces. And you’ll never quite get over the sadness of it.
- Having children will change the way you feel about your own parents, irreversibly. This could be in a good way, or a bad way. But you’ll never see them as you saw them before. Because you now understand what being a parent is like – and the thoughts and struggles they went through.
- You will never get your pre-baby body back. No. You won’t. Nearly, but never the same. Deal with that.
- You will never get your pre-baby mind back. No. You won’t. Not even close. Try to deal with that, but accept that you probably won’t.
- There is no such thing as a holiday, when you have children. It’s just hell, in another place. If you can relax into that, you’ll have a good time.
- Relax. It’s just raising children. People have been doing this for 200,000 years, and there are more humans in the world than ever. So something must be going right.