I’m going to write something now, which might shock you. Though, most likely, it shocks me even more. I had all of my children before Facebook existed. Or Twitter. Or smart-phones. Let’s all just take a moment to process the existence of a world where all of our friends, and quite a few people who aren’t our friends weren’t aware of our children’s head lice nightmare.
Despite the obvious fact that this all makes me feel Extremely Old, I am VERY glad that I had my kids before social media took off, and before we had 24-hr, immediate access to every website, game, piece of information, film, news article, emoji and video of a cat on a skateboard, available to Mankind.
Because it meant we had to do something, now almost defunct. Something so rare, that when you see it happen it almost makes you stop in your tracks and immediately take a photo of it, fiddle about with the Irony filter on Instagram, and post it on social media; we used to TALK to our children. And to each other.
This was not via text, Skype or WhatsApp; but via mouth, and eyes. Now, before you panic that this is about to be a massive guilt-trip, and I’m going to sit here telling you what a bad, bad parent you are to stick your children in front of a screen so you can unload the dishwasher or Tweet about your breakfast, don’t. This isn’t that at all.
There is nothing wrong with plonking your 2-year-old in front of an episode of Peppa Pig, or letting your 7-year-old create a huge, turreted mansion on Minecraft, in order to grab some time to yourself – especially given that ‘time to yourself’ is probably shared with the laundry, dinner and picking up 4000 hairbands off the stairs!
Every generation worries that new technology will enter our lives and spell the death of society, childhood and all good things. Just as radios were seen as the Devil’s work when they first entered our homes, and people feared they would stop all human interaction and probably cause floods, famine and excess flatulence to boot, so smart phones, games consoles and tablets have had their fair share of criticism and public bashing.
Whole communities will wither! Children will rot! They will develop huge thumbs! Their gloves won’t fit! And they won’t be able to speak any more to tell us how cold their fingers are!
And it’s nonsense, of course. New technologies can make our lives easier, more informed, more connected to others, and generally better in many ways. The things children can learn online, are so staggering and wonderful it makes one’s mind boggle. If they want to learn about the stars, or animals, or science, or Ancient History, world news or politics, foreign languages or angry birds, it’s all there, right at their fingertips, ready to be marveled over while you fry the sausages.
And many of the games available on phones and tablets now can improve children’s reaction times, special awareness, hand-eye coordination and so on. Not to mention the fact that they often play them with other people, so they’re not alone and socially isolated at all. They are interacting all the time.
All About Balance
But – and here comes the BIG but – of course, there are also very obvious downsides to screen-time these days – and the main difference, compared with, say, 30 years ago, is the constant availability of on-screen entertainment. Where we had about one hour a day of children’s programmes, and a computer that took twenty minutes to load ONE small game, there is now unlimited material available to our children – and to ourselves… One of the greatest challenges most parents face is switching the darned things OFF!!
Using an iPad or computer game as a way of getting your child to sit down quietly and play or watch something for half an hour or so, is absolutely fine. In fact it’s probably better for both of you, if the alternative is shouting and stressing out while you try to read a book and do the washing up at the same time. That way nobody gains anything, and the whole house is an angry, stressful nightmare to be in.
The problem only comes when you start using a computer or screen to keep your children away from you, so you don’t have to deal with them or talk to them. For hours a day.
Because, lets face it, it is MUCH easier to do absolutely everything, when your children are happily occupied watching television. Who would choose to entertain them, while also answering work emails, when you could just plug them in to a games console and work in peace? Or read a magazine?
Well, easy and appealing as it might be, it doesn’t take a degree in cleverness to realize it’s pretty obviously not fantastic child-rearing, is it? And it starts young; I often see babies and toddlers sitting in prams, holding smart phones and tablets, totally disconnected from the world around them.
This breaks my heart; because in my pre-smart-phone days of raising my toddlers, I used to talk to them almost constantly when I was pushing them in a pram. I would show them things, sing to them, wave and smile at them, and generally embarrass them as much as I could, before they were old enough to say ‘Mum, please stop it!’
But really, I truly believe that the more we can talk to, and listen to, our children, from as young as possible, the better. This is how they learn to speak, learn about the world, learn to communicate, and ask questions. It’s also how we learn about THEM – what they like, want, think about, and worry about.
It all, of course, comes down to our old friend, balance. Technology is not a replacement parent. It is not a replacement babysitter. But it can be very helpful, useful and FUN, when used appropriately.
If we can get the balance of human interaction and screen-time right, and use technology for those times when it’s useful, and beneficial all round, but remember to switch it OFF as much as we can and talk to our children, play with them, and BE with them, then I don’t fear for our children’s wellbeing, the size of their thumbs, or society as a whole. I think they’ll be just fine.