Valentine’s Day… that special, happy day of imposed romance, compulsory tokens of love and affection and donations to the card manufacturing and flower industries… true love.
Keeping a romantic relationship alive over years is very difficult. Divorce lawyers make a lot of money out of this fact.
For those whose romantic leanings died instantly with the cutting of their first child’s umbilical cord, it is especially challenging. When one’s love life is squeezed between episodes of cartoons and exam revision, it’s very easy to stop being romantic; often for as long as several months or occasionally 18 years. This usually results in you forgetting why you ever fancied this person in the first place. So some effort on the lurve front is really to be encouraged.
Research by Care.com shows that 81% of parents say spending quality time with their partner is at the bottom of their list of things to do, and we understand that firing up some romance with children in the house can feel like a somewhat doomed effort.
By the time I’ve got my children to bed, done the washing up, made the packed lunches, hung the laundry, put on the next load of laundry, realised I’ve not paid the piano lesson bill, filled in a form about a school trip to some museum somewhere, taken a 90-minute phone call from my mother (always a good time to empty the dishwasher and write a short novel) and answered ten emails I couldn’t get to during the day, my romance metre is usually running somewhere between ‘emergency low battery’ and ‘empty’.
The only way to solve this practical passion-killer is to get some HELP. There are people – lovely, qualified, trustworthy, friendly people – whose job it is to help out with getting children to bed, doing the laundry, emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming your stairs, walking the dog, and almost every other domestic task that you can think of. (Not calling my mother though. There is no money in the world that any sane person would accept to do that for me.)
The point is that if you have no time together and no energy left in the moments you CAN steal to be alone, your relationship will suffer. And that’s not good for anyone in your family. With 75% of parents with children aged under five admitting to having five or less date nights with their partner each year with the average length of a date night being 4 hours. It is crucial to create that time. And the easiest way is to take some of the hundreds of daily tasks off your hands, and get someone else to do them for you.
It doesn’t need to cost a lot. And it doesn’t have to be every day. But a little help can go a long way to freeing up some ‘you and me time’, and keeping the romance alive in your house – and in your life.
Romance is exciting and touching, unexpected and not a little arousing, if done right. Remembering to wrap the camembert carefully so it doesn’t stink out the entire fridge is thoughtful, but is probably not the way to get your partner to kiss you like he did on your first date.
So make some time, and get that romance meter back up to sizzling. A great day to start this is on the 15th February, when all the flowers and schmaltzy cards are half price… just saying.