Not ‘Just’ a Girl

 
New guidelines are to be issued to teachers in the hope of reducing gender stereotyping in schools. The use of ‘sexist’ words and phrases such as ‘sissy’, ‘man-up’, ‘cupcake’ and ‘don’t be a girl’ – when meant as an insult – will be strongly discouraged from use by children from as young as five.
 
 
 
 
To a ‘70s kid like me, this is somewhat . . . baffling. Like many ‘70s kids, I ate salt’n’shake crisps, watched Playschool, and wore knee-high socks. And I also read a lot of Ladybird books. You know the ones; few words, giant font, and bright, bold pictures of our ever-smiling, shiny-faced heroes, Peter and Susan and their mummy and daddy, going about their everyday ‘70s lives, doing ‘70s things.
 
These books are now collectors’ items, not just because they are rare and old, but because they are a window into a time when it was OK to have a storyline where, of course, Daddy was at work, and Mummy went shopping and bought a flower and a doll for Susan, and a toy gun and a hammer for Peter.
 
A time when sexism wasn’t so much latent, but screaming out in bold pictures and giant font. On every page… Or was it?
 
I was raised on these books, and I thought nothing of it. It was, as far as my four-year-old self could tell, a fairly accurate reflection of the world I knew. My dad was at work all day, and did the family finances or fixed the broken taps at weekends.
 
My mum worked part time but was at home every afternoon to cook and clean and mend my knee-socks. And if there was any shopping to be done, she would do it.
 
I played with dolls and flowers. My brother played with toy guns and hammers.
We were perfectly happy. Except when my brother decided to shoot my doll and then nail her to the shed door.
 
Despite being raised on this solid diet of sexist stereotypes and gender typecasts, I’ve grown up to be a successful, self-employed woman with three children, and I can mend socks and fix a tap. I cook dinner and sort out my own income tax. And so do most of my female – and male – friends.
 
So did these staggeringly sexist books really have a negative effect on us? Did they make us feel inferior or unable to hold down a job? Did we feel the ‘weaker sex’ or in some way belittled, by being portrayed as flower-loving cake bakers, while the men blew things up and sat at very important desks?
 
I asked a few female friends this, and the answer was a resounding ‘NO’.
 
“Why on earth should it?” asked one, incredulously. “We knew we were smarter than the boys anyway – we could cook, play with dolls and build a den. ’But is everyday language used in the classroom and playground a breeding-ground for unhelpful ideas about what girls can do? And is it so bad that it’s worth stamping out – officially?
 
All in a word
One of the contributors drawing-up the new guidelines told The Sunday Times that “even low-level comments are potentially an issue with teachers using phrases such as ‘man up’, and ‘don’t be a girl’ to a boy if they are being a bit wet.
 
I’m not convinced that these words and phrases really are potentially damaging to girls’ images of themselves, and their self-esteem, confidence, and what they think they can achieve in their lives.
 
Yes, of course we should be very aware of how we speak to our children and which subliminal but powerful messages we give them by using casual phrases that could undermine their self-esteem.
 
The key age for this is, interestingly, not at nursery or primary school, but in secondary school. This is the time when many girls who were very strong-minded and confident as little girls suddenly become self-conscious and lose confidence. This is totally natural during the wobbly days of puberty, where even the most confident children can suddenly think they are fat, ugly, stupid and unpopular. And that’s before breakfast.
 
At this stage, more than any other, campaigns like This Girl Can, or having strong role models who get out there and do things, and succeed, can really make a difference.
 
Hopefully what will come out of this is a discussion and awareness of the language we use around children, and just a ‘note to self’ to make sure we don’t unintentionally fuel any ideas about girls being weaker or less able than boys.
 
But official guidelines may be a little over the top.