A and I met as students. We shared rooms, with a kitchen and a lovely garden out the back, which in Winter was a pretty backdrop to a busy life indoors brewing tea and furiously working in to the night to a deadline (the two were often combined!) and in the summer, the scene of weekend picnics and the hunting ground of our shared pet cat.
Our lives mirrored each other’s in delightful and surprising ways. We married within months of each other, moved to the same area and fell pregnant and gave birth to two wonderful children apiece, in the same short period. We finished our PhD’s with babes-in-arms. Holding A’s daughter was my first adult experience of sole charge of a newborn, allowing A to get on with resting and writing up her doctorate for a few snatched hours here and there, while I was in the final stages of my first pregnancy.
These bonds were powerful and intense, and as with all the best female friendships every tiny detail was recounted, pored over, discussed and analysed. A became my second child’s godmother, and the conversations continued. When was the best time to move from breastfeeding to bottle? What about solids? What on earth is the remedy to teething pain?! (I still have a bag full of the baby products that we would pass back and forth between us, so that we could test out the bottles and toys and teething products).
As the babes progressed into toddlers and schoolchildren, A & I found ourselves in busy professions, hashing out how on earth we would manage to keep it all going! We would regard a shared clear-out of each other’s baby clothes and accessories in her garage and our loft as a Sunday well spent, while our husbands usually found time to barbeque and share a beer during these times. The other positive outcomes would be in the shared recommendations of the best nurseries and childminders, the best way to hire carers, the shared visits to the neighbourhood schools and the notes compared afterwards! I count myself very blessed to have had a girlfriend as detail obsessed as I am.
Saying goodbye to her has been the hardest thing I have had to face in my adult life. I know that I will never share those experiences with anyone else, but I am grateful that in my early years as a mother, I had a friend that I was close to, and already shared so much with, to join on that wonderful, intense, frightening journey that motherhood can be.
We all know that our female friends are invaluable. They are the best sounding boards, support and fellow travellers on our journey as mothers, spouses, siblings, offspring. Value them and keep sharing your knowledge and hard-earned tips and recommendations … and maybe one day I will be lucky enough to meet another A.
Tell me, have you suffered a great loss? How did you honour that life while muddling through the sadness?
Losing a Friend
Recently, I lost a dear friend and attended the most heartbreaking of funerals. I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say that the chief mourners were under-18's.
