Somehow I found myself on live television last week saying to Coleen Nolan the words – “I lied to my husband for 3 months.”
The lie has weighed on my mind for almost 7 years now, and I have been able to get it off my conscience. On live television. Without telling my husband first.
The problem about this lie is that I let it get out of hand. The lie meant that my husband has been boasting about me for years – to his mother, to my mother, to his friends who have wives and children.
The further problem is that it might have made other women feel bad about themselves. Not that I think friends and family look to me for inspiration – but what if, on that day, they had heard that boast and thought to themselves – “I don’t know how she does it?”
The lie he believed? That I did everything myself after having our second child. That I cooked, cleaned, ironed, looked after 2 children and generally got on with it alone.
Why did I lie? Well, we always had a cleaner. My husband knew all about her. He also knew that she was leaving the area a few days after our second child was due to be born. And, rather than say to him – “Oh oh, better advertise for a new life saver, sharp!” – I said, “Oh I’ll just see how it goes and maybe look into getting a new helper once I get into the swing of it.”
I know, I know – what was I thinking?! One pre-schooler plus an infant babe at home, a husband working long hours and both sets of grandparents over 2 hours away. I already knew that going it alone Just Does Not Work. Well, not if you want to keep your sanity, that is.
So, a few days later, I found myself interviewing and hiring our cleaner’s replacement. And a few days after that, our original cleaner changed her plans and told me that actually, she’d be staying on in our neighbourhood for a few more weeks. For about 12 weeks in fact.
The baby is born and my husband goes back to work. The house continues to run like it did before number two came along – dishes are cleaned, clothes are washed and ironed, dirt is kept at bay.
And I have 2 housekeepers, one on Monday and one on Friday. One happy mummy and children. One blissfully ignorant husband, whom I overhear saying several times to friends and family, “Sigrid’s doing really well – she juggles everything and takes it all in her stride.”
And it’s only now, 7 years on, that I have the courage to say – I needed help to do all that, and I went out and got it!
Coleen Noleen is lovely when I confess, and tells me, quite rightly – “What a fabulous idea! We shouldn’t have to try to be perfect and super women!”
She forgives me, and I start to feel brave enough to tell my husband about the lie.
The conversation goes well and I realise – why did I ever pretend to be perfect?
Tell me, what have you done to help you juggle your roles?
Lesson Learned: Don’t Try to Be Perfect!
Care.com's Sigrid Daniel spoke with Coleen Nolan on the Alan Titchmarsh Show about trying to be perfect.
